Nursery Rhymes

[mother goose]

When I was young, I learned Humpty Dumpty this way: The ending said:" All the king's ....couldn't put humpty dumpty back together again."

Now, a co-worker told me that the new version he is reading to his kid says ;" was able to put humptydumpty back together again."

Why was it changed? Kids can't handle a cracked egg?

So, what other old nursery rhymes have been PC-ized?

[General Kenobi (ret.)]

I hope that got garbled in the translation. Otherwise, it's not only stupid, it's an offense against the King's English. (Or is that an oppressive and patriarchal phrase?)

[Anonymous]

They couldn't put Humpty back together. Anyone who says differently is an agent of Satan (or Barney...I always get those two confused).

========
Now...here's the not-so-well-known second verse to a very well known first:

Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

Then up Jack got and home did trot
As fast as he could caper.
They put him to bed
And plastered his head
With vinegar and brown paper.

[Crystal Dragon.]

I second that - something got lost in the translation.

[Maine-iac]

Pretty sad version of Humpty Dumpty.

I'm pretty sure "Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater" has vanished altogether from modern texts of Nursery Rhymes.

Even More J&J

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.

Up Jack got, and home did trot,
As fast as he could caper,
To old Dame Dob, who patched his nob
With vinegar and brown paper.

Then Jill came in, and she did grin,
To see Jack’s paper plaster;
Her mother whipped her across her knee,
For laughing at Jack’s disaster.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Maine-iac on 2001-12-03 09:53 ]</font>

[Actuary321]

I remember Humpty Dumpty this way:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and All the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

The timing is all off if you try to say Humpty Dumpty in the last line, isn't it?

8
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[mother goose]

Bob Hope's version of Jack and Jill(I was told):

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
each with one quarter

When they went down
Jill had 50 cents
Do you think they went to fetch water?

[Minerva]

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
While Jill came tumbling after.

Up Jack got
And home did trot
As fast as he could caper.
He went to bed
To mend his head
With vinegar and brown paper.

Jill came in
And she did grin
To see Jack's paper plaster.
Mother, vexed,
Did whip her next
For causing Jack's disaster.

(Doesn't really follow that Jill caused it just because she laughed, but Mother must have had some reason to believe so.)

Alternate version:

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Each had a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came down
With two and a half;
They didn't go up for water.

[Ron Weasley]

Mary had a little lamb,
it's fleece as white as snow.
One day she passed the butcher shop,
but the lamb went by too slow!

[Minerva]

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there,
The cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.


(Shades of college - I apologize, but just had to get it out since it was going round and round in my head.)

[Anonymous]

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the others escaped with minor injuries.

[Anonymous]

I like Andrew Dice Clay's versions.

[Anonymous]

On 2001-12-04 17:19, tonythetiger wrote:
I like Andrew Dice Clay's versions.


Little Boy Blue. He needed the money!

Dice would have been amazing if he had never been heard from again after his HBO special in about 1990. But when he jumped the shark in Ford Fairlane, and set himself up for a lifetime of E! True Hollywood Stories, he became a true pop culture hero to me.

[1695814]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

[1695814]

Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the rest escaped with minor injuries.

[1695814]

Old King Cole
Was a merry old soul.
He tried to get to heaven
On a telegraph pole.

[Sew Lining]

I think I heard this one a looong time ago watching Benny Hill ... or something:

Mary had a golden watch
She swallowed it one day
Now she takes castor oil
to pass the time away.

Try though as she may,
The watch just wouldn't pass
And if you want to know the time
Just look up mary's uncle, he has a large collection of clocks and watches.

[hotkarl]

twinkle twinkle little star
ultimate equals case plus IBNR

[persephone_ashes]

jack and jill went up the hill
they each had a quarter
jill came down with 50 cents
you think they went up for water?

[JAS]

This is the version I heard from my dad growing up...

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now she carries it to school
between two slabs of bread

[Pseudolus]

twinkle twinkle little star
Power equals I-sqaured R. Power disapated through a resistor.

[1695814]

twinkle twinkle little star
how I wonder what you are
I wish I may
I wish I might
Aw, shucks, it's a sattellite

[Slick]

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And she got up and stomped the %*$@ out of it!

[4sigma]

Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the heck are you I think.

I'm not under what you call
The alfluence of incohol.

I'm just a little slort of sheep,
I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.

I don't know who is me yet,
But the drunker I stand here the longer I get.

So just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up

[thing]

Anti-selection, my red hen
Knows the claims will be soon, but is not sure when
Knows the claims will be large, but not exactly how much
Which why they pay me to estimate such.

[thing]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To check on her pension reserve
The PBGC staff cut her payments in half
Which she thought showed unspeakable nerve.

[Rockhound]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty

Interesting explanations as to what the rhyme is about. I like this one:

Another theory has Humpty Dumpty as medieval slang for a short, clumsy person. Martin Gardner (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Gardner) in The Annotated Mother Goose suggests this was exploited in a riddle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riddle): after the poem, the reciter asks how could such a thing happen, the answer being that Humpty Dumpty was an egg (which fact is never mentioned in the poem). Since the answer is now so well known, the question is no longer asked.

[8down]

A, B, C, D, E, F, G
How I wonder what you are.
.

[Pseudolus]

.