It's a Small World - Plus a Story

[Agadefe]

So a good friend of mine that I see very rarely (he's trying to be a doctor, and he doesn't live in the city anymore) got a girlfriend recently. This is a slightly major development, because he would hook-up with a lot of women, but never girlfriend one up and this was his first relationship since his high school gf dumped him.

So his girlfriend was having a party and I decided to go so I can meet her. I show up, and she looks absurdly familiar, but I can't figure out why. I am sure I never met her before. I walk around introducing myself to people there, when all of a sudden, I see a girl that I hooked up with for about 2 months while I was studying abroad in Rome (call her Tara). Tara lives in New York. I was like 'what??'

Turns out, Tara and my friend's new girlfriend went to high school together in New York and are best friends. And I realized that the reason my friend's gf looks familiar is because while we were hooking up, Tara's profile picture on Facebook was a picture of the two of them.

Now things didn't end great between Tara and I. There were some miscommunications about what we were and she may have been displeased with several of my actions that were never resolved. Anyway, she seemed not-very-happy to see me. After meeting, she immediately went and started whispering with some chick and looking at me. I felt very uncomfortable. Someone came up to me and asked me "are you really the Agadefe that _____?". Note: _____ wasn't something awful. I didn't kill her puppy or give her an angry dragon or anything. But apparently it had been awful in her world and she still remembered it 4 years later and told her friends about it.

Worst thing was, I couldn't just leave since I had pre-gamed at my friends house (who didn't live near me) and couldn't drive home. So I just stood around talking to my friend and being disliked by everyone for a solid 2 hours. At one point, a guy came up to me and gave me a discrete high five because 'Tara is a b*tch '. Apparently, this guy really liked her, but she refused to hook up with him. This conversation was possibly even more awkward than the previous standing around and being disliked. Finally, I felt sober enough to drive so I left. I hope I didn't giraffe up my friend's relationship somehow. This is all.

[mlschop]

I think we all need to know what ________ is...

[ditkaworshipper]

_____ could help me burn a lot more time on the AO today agadefe. What is __________?!?!?!?!?!!!?

[SamTheEagle]

Seriously. What the hell. Tell a boring ass story and then leave out the one detail that might make it interesting. Thanks for nothing, jackass.

[RichieGB]

It's gotta be a small penis.

[the BS method]

stopped reading at _____

post it or die

[the BS method]

It's gotta be a small penis.

this is what i'm going to default to if there is no resolution

[MAX.]

I doubt you had any effect on your friend's relationship with the new girl.
Depending on how bad whatever it was you did (in the eyes of your friend and his new girl, not in your or Tara's eyes), you may have f'd up your relationship with your friend.

[SamTheEagle]

My guess, given his ambiguous homosexuality, the blank was he wanted a threeway with another guy.

[MountainHawk]

He broke off a date early so he could go babysit his friend's kids while the husband was visiting his wife in the hospital after she broke her nose, clearly.

[Patience]

But you yada yada'd over the best part.

[Meshuga]

_____ = "refused to take care of her dog while she was out of town"

[the BS method]

Maybe he asked her to eat some marbles

[Dismal Science]

Where did this marble meme originate? I swear I check the AO almost daily and I somehow missed it. Can anyone give me a link?

[Agadefe]

I think we all need to know what ________ is...

_____ could help me burn a lot more time on the AO today agadefe. What is __________?!?!?!?!?!!!?

Haha it's really not that exciting. I feel like it's going to be a letdown once I tell it.

When I was studying abroad, there was obviously a lot of hooking up going on (as is typical for any study abroad experience). She was under the impression that our hooking up was something more than just that, while I didn't realize this at all (I never implied this was the case in any way. I even made it clear in the beginning that it wasn't).

The study abroad kids were separated into one of three places. Two of the places were basically dorms, and one was basically like a house for 8 people. She was in a dorm, and I was 'lucky' enough to get the house. So she had slept over a couple days in a row, when one day we went out to different places and she had asked me the day before if she could come over after since she was going out around my area. I said yes, but ended up getting drunk and forgetting about it. That night I ended up going out near her dorm with a different girl. She tried to come over my house at the end of the night, but I had slept over the other girl's place. One my roommates let her in so she could sleep there. In the morning, when she got back to the dorm, she apparently saw me leaving with the other girl to go get breakfast.

It was crappy to forget about her, but it was also her own fault that she thought it was more than it was.

[The Drunken Actuary]

Now things didn't end great between Tara and I.

Calling grammar pet peeve police....

[Patience]

Being more than she thought usually means a short term fling while in the current circumstance and she expects long term

You stood her up and then she caught you screwing someone else. Even if she knew what it was, that is pretty crappy.

[The Drunken Actuary]

Haha it's really not that exciting. I feel like it's going to be a letdown once I tell it.

When I was studying abroad, there was obviously a lot of hooking up going on (as is typical for any study abroad experience). She was under the impression that our hooking up was something more than just that, while I didn't realize this at all (I never implied this was the case in any way. I even made it clear in the beginning that it wasn't).

The study abroad kids were separated into one of three places. Two of the places were basically dorms, and one was basically like a house for 8 people. She was in a dorm, and I was 'lucky' enough to get the house. So she had slept over a couple days in a row, when one day we went out to different places and she had asked me the day before if she could come over after since she was going out around my area. I said yes, but ended up getting drunk and forgetting about it. That night I ended up going out near her dorm with a different girl. She tried to come over my house at the end of the night, but I had slept over the other girl's place. One my roommates let her in so she could sleep there. In the morning, when she got back to the dorm, she apparently saw me leaving with the other girl to go get breakfast.

It was crappy to forget about her, but it was also her own fault that she thought it was more than it was.You're like a major player and stuff. Do you have a range rover? Do you fly southwest? Anyway, can you post some more stories of your conquests?

[SamTheEagle]

Being more than she thought usually means a short term fling while in the current circumstance and she expects long term

You stood her up and then she caught you screwing someone else. Even if she knew what it was, that is pretty crappy.

Yeah, that was a lot better story than I thought it would be.

[Agadefe]

You're like a major player and stuff. Do you have a range rover? Do you fly southwest? Anyway, can you post some more stories of your conquests?

It's not hard to be a 'major player' when you're studying abroad with a bunch of other college kids.

[The Drunken Actuary]

It's not hard to be a 'major player' when you're studying abroad with a bunch of other college kids.Still, I think it's important that you play it up big time here on the internets for us. Thanks!

[1695814]

Calling grammar pet peeve police....:iatp:

[Agadefe]

Being more than she thought usually means a short term fling while in the current circumstance and she expects long term

You stood her up and then she caught you screwing someone else. Even if she knew what it was, that is pretty crappy.

I agree, it was a crappy thing to do. I felt bad about it the next day. But it wasn't something I'd still be unhappy about 4 years later or tell my friends about. That's what I meant by it being her fault that she thought it was more than it was.

[1695814]

What will be really awesome is when your doctor friend and this girl eventually get married. You're the best man and Tara is the maid of honor.

[Agadefe]

Calling grammar pet peeve police....

:iatp:

"I" is my alter-ego. So I actually switched to the third person while telling the story for a second to refer to myself as 'I'. See, it all makes sense now.

[Patience]

I agree, it was a crappy thing to do. I felt bad about it the next day. But it wasn't something I'd still be unhappy about 4 years later or tell my friends about. That's what I meant by it being her fault that she thought it was more than it was.

depends on what happened next and how you handled it

I have said this a lot in the thread on various sports crimes - most of the time it isn't the offense that gets you in trouble - it is how you handle things after getting caught

[gadzookz]

But you yada yada'd over the best part.

No, he mentioned the bisque.

[Agadefe]

Still, I think it's important that you play it up big time here on the internets for us. Thanks!

I wish I was single. Then I would totally take my mundane "I met her at a bar. We were both drunk" stories and turn them into gold. As such, I don't want to explain to my gf "no no, it's not true. I just wanted my internet friends to like me" if she finds them one day.

depends on what happened next and how you handled it

Yeah, I didn't handle it very well because I felt like she was overreacting with her anger so I just started ignoring her.

I feel like a jerk now.

[limabeanactuary]

Calling grammar pet peeve police....

DID SOMEONE ASK FOR A GRAMMAR ZOMBIE?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

anyway, it's the object of a preposition, so the proper pronoun to use is "me".

Me = object, I = subject.

Of course, that second one is somewhat artificial, but that's the prescriptive grammar for writing for now.

[Patience]

I feel like a jerk now.

now she and you are in total agreement


seriously, if this woman's friend is going to be part of your life - it would hurt to say something to her instead of ignoring it.

I was young, I was immature and I handled it badly. I hope you and I can have a fresh start. "good friend" is important to me.

Drop her an e-mail if you want to avoid letting it fester and won't see him for a while. Do no bring up any issues of it being the other girls fault. Let it go.

[Patrick Bauer]

now she and you are in total agreement


seriously, if this woman's friend is going to be part of your life - it would hurt to say something to her instead of ignoring it.

I was young, I was immature and I handled it badly. I hope you and I can have a fresh start. "good friend" is important to me.

Drop her an e-mail if you want to avoid letting it fester and won't see him for a while. Do no bring up any issues of it being the other girls fault. Let it go.
I concur. (and you said it better than I would as I would have made fun of him for being a jerk then kinda being a jerk later by not addressing his jerkitude at the party.)

[Agadefe]

now she and you are in total agreement


seriously, if this woman's friend is going to be part of your life - it would hurt to say something to her instead of ignoring it.

I was young, I was immature and I handled it badly. I hope you and I can have a fresh start. "good friend" is important to me.

Drop her an e-mail if you want to avoid letting it fester and won't see him for a while. Do no bring up any issues of it being the other girls fault. Let it go.

Alright I can agree that this may be a good idea.

However, remember that this is four years later, with 0 communication within those 4 years.

I will message her on Facebook, that seems easiest.

[Dismal Science]

Wow, you definitely sound like a tool based on that story. I don't think it is really that far-fetched that someone would remember something like that, even after 4 years. Unless you think this happens so often to this girl that she would just forget it...

[Patience]

However, remember that this is four years later, with 0 communication within those 4 years. .

right, so no blame for not doing anything over that span

but obviously Tara remembers it pretty well and still thinks you are a jerk. and even if not holding a four year grudge, like you thinks "what a small world" and tells the same story - without the blanks and her slant

and as an aside - you remember Tara's facebook picture from four years ago?

[Buru Buru]

Yeah, I didn't handle it very well because I felt like she was overreacting with her anger so I just started ignoring her.

I feel like a jerk now.

:shake2: not nice!

[Buru Buru]

Wow, you definitely sound like a tool based on that story. I don't think it is really that far-fetched that someone would remember something like that, even after 4 years. Unless you think this happens so often to this girl that she would just forget it...

:iatp: girls don't forget it when guys piss them off!

[Agadefe]

Wow, you definitely sound like a tool based on that story. I don't think it is really that far-fetched that someone would remember something like that, even after 4 years. Unless you think this happens so often to this girl that she would just forget it...

I don't disagree that it was a jerky thing to do, but look at it from my point of view for a second.

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this. She asked me if she could sleep in my house because she was in my area and it was inconvenient for her to go home. Should I have been there? Probably. But she still got in (FTR, I called her my roommate to let her in, it's not like I was ignoring her calls) and was able to sleep in my bed. I was in a different part of Rome, and it was inconvenient for me to go home just to meet up with this girl. Plus I was with another girl. So I should have gone back to my house to meet up with a girl that I had told that we were just hooking up despite the fact that she still had a place to sleep, which was the main point of why she wanted to stay at my place?

It was a jerky thing to do, sure. But I don't think it was some monstrously terrible thing to do. I would bet that if instead of hooking up with another girl, I just slept on some dude's couch because I was drunk, she wouldn't consider it jerky. Therefore, the majority of the jerkitude came from her thinking we were something when we really weren't, despite my explaining to her that we weren't.

[Agadefe]

right, so no blame for not doing anything over that span

but obviously Tara remembers it pretty well and still thinks you are a jerk. and even if not holding a four year grudge, like you thinks "what a small world" and tells the same story - without the blanks and her slant

and as an aside - you remember Tara's facebook picture from four years ago?

I didn't remember it well, which was why I couldn't place the girl at first, she just looked familiar. I figured it out afterwards.

Her profile picture was the two of them dressed in very provocative outfits, so it was memorable :D

[Buru Buru]

I don't disagree that it was a jerky thing to do, but look at it from my point of view for a second.

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this. She asked me if she could sleep in my house because she was in my area and it was inconvenient for her to go home. Should I have been there? Probably. But she still got in (FTR, I called her my roommate to let her in, it's not like I was ignoring her calls) and was able to sleep in my bed. I was in a different part of Rome, and it was inconvenient for me to go home just to meet up with this girl. Plus I was with another girl. So I should have gone back to my house to meet up with a girl that I had told that we were just hooking up despite the fact that she still had a place to sleep, which was the main point of why she wanted to stay at my place?

It was a jerky thing to do, sure. But I don't think it was some monstrously terrible thing to do. I would bet that if instead of hooking up with another girl, I just slept on some dude's couch because I was drunk, she wouldn't consider it jerky. Therefore, the majority of the jerkitude came from her thinking we were something when we really weren't, despite my explaining to her that we weren't.

This is a good post to exhibit why sex outside of marriage is bad. The girls just get hurt.

Even if you made it perfectly clear that you were not exclusive, she still views that as throwing it in her face that you're screwing another chick, all while standing her up.

[tommie frazier]

back to the story-i love how you just got to hang out and feel the hate. I could definatly enjoy such a situation. I often refuse to feel guilt, and almost no chance of feeling it if someone expects me to but I don't see it that way.

[Kenshiro]

I don't disagree that it was a jerky thing to do, but look at it from my point of view for a second.

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this. She asked me if she could sleep in my house because she was in my area and it was inconvenient for her to go home. Should I have been there? Probably. But she still got in (FTR, I called her my roommate to let her in, it's not like I was ignoring her calls) and was able to sleep in my bed. I was in a different part of Rome, and it was inconvenient for me to go home just to meet up with this girl. Plus I was with another girl. So I should have gone back to my house to meet up with a girl that I had told that we were just hooking up despite the fact that she still had a place to sleep, which was the main point of why she wanted to stay at my place?

It was a jerky thing to do, sure. But I don't think it was some monstrously terrible thing to do. I would bet that if instead of hooking up with another girl, I just slept on some dude's couch because I was drunk, she wouldn't consider it jerky. Therefore, the majority of the jerkitude came from her thinking we were something when we really weren't, despite my explaining to her that we weren't.

It sounds like you invited a girl over to your place for a late night hook-up and then ended up sleeping with her roommate at her place instead.

I can see a chick getting all pissed about that.

[Agadefe]

This is a good post to exhibit why sex outside of marriage is bad. The girls just get hurt.

Even if you made it perfectly clear that you were not exclusive, she still views that as throwing it in her face that you're screwing another chick, all while standing her up.

:shrug:

That's a very sexist thought process imo. Women have as much capacity as men to have stringless sex and there are plenty of times where it's the other way around.

It always sucks when you think it's just sex, but becomes something more to only one party. Saying it happens exclusively to women, or always to women, is very very false.

I understand how she could look at it that way. The point is I may be jerky for not seeing earlier how my actions would affect her, but it wouldn't have been jerky unless she had feelings for me that were more than just hooking up.

[Buru Buru]

:shrug:

That's a very sexist thought process imo. Women have as much capacity as men to have stringless sex and there are plenty of times where it's the other way around.

It always sucks when you think it's just sex, but becomes something more to only one party. Saying it happens exclusively to women, or always to women, is very very false.

I understand how she could look at it that way. The point is I may be jerky for not seeing earlier how my actions would affect her, but it wouldn't have been jerky unless she had feelings for me that were more than just hooking up.

I don't agree with this. I think there are women who are capable of having stringless sex, but on average women are far less capable of it than men. I don't think it's right to say they have just as much capacity as men.

Women and mens brains aren't the same. I'm being realistic, not sexist.

[Agadefe]

It sounds like you invited a girl over to your place for a late night hook-up and then ended up sleeping with her roommate at her place instead.

I can see a chick getting all pissed about that.

I didn't invite her. She said "I'm going to be drinking near your place with other people, can I sleep over after so I don't have to go all the way back to my house". I said yes, and made sure she had a place to sleep. My only plans for that night (note: she didn't invite me to go with her group) were to go out elsewhere with the other girl. It would have been very inconvenient for me to go back to my house, and as mentioned, I still made sure she had a place to sleep which was her main request.

[1695814]

"I" is my alter-ego. So I actually switched to the third person while telling the story for a second to refer to myself as 'I'. See, it all makes sense now.oh...my mistake...carry on...;-)

[Agadefe]

I don't agree with this. I think there are women who are capable of having stringless sex, but on average women are far less capable of it than men. I don't think it's right to say they have just as much capacity as men.

Women and mens brains aren't the same. I'm being realistic, not sexist.

On average, perhaps women are less capable. Far less capable is not true in my opinion.

Regardless of this, both genders are entirely capable of both stringless sex and being hurt when that's all it is. In the past, it may have been more skewed since it took "more" for a girl to have sex than a guy due to society's double standard. As the double standard dissipates, stringless sex having ability increases.

[ElDucky]

The important thing here is that the OP learned a lesson, about grammar.

[Kenshiro]

I don't agree with this. I think there are women who are capable of having stringless sex, but on average women are far less capable of it than men. I don't think it's right to say they have just as much capacity as men.

Women and mens brains aren't the same. I'm being realistic, not sexist.

Maybe you just need more practice.

[ditkaworshipper]

I don't disagree that it was a jerky thing to do, but look at it from my point of view for a second.

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this. She asked me if she could sleep in my house because she was in my area and it was inconvenient for her to go home. Should I have been there? Probably. But she still got in (FTR, I called her my roommate to let her in, it's not like I was ignoring her calls) and was able to sleep in my bed. I was in a different part of Rome, and it was inconvenient for me to go home just to meet up with this girl. Plus I was with another girl. So I should have gone back to my house to meet up with a girl that I had told that we were just hooking up despite the fact that she still had a place to sleep, which was the main point of why she wanted to stay at my place?

It was a jerky thing to do, sure. But I don't think it was some monstrously terrible thing to do. I would bet that if instead of hooking up with another girl, I just slept on some dude's couch because I was drunk, she wouldn't consider it jerky. Therefore, the majority of the jerkitude came from her thinking we were something when we really weren't, despite my explaining to her that we weren't.
I didn't invite her. She said "I'm going to be drinking near your place with other people, can I sleep over after so I don't have to go all the way back to my house". I said yes, and made sure she had a place to sleep. My only plans for that night (note: she didn't invite me to go with her group) were to go out elsewhere with the other girl. It would have been very inconvenient for me to go back to my house, and as mentioned, I still made sure she had a place to sleep which was her main request.
I don't think you see the point that there was an implication of hooking up with her that night, so she wasn't going to go looking for strange either.
back to the story-i love how you just got to hang out and feel the hate. I could definatly enjoy such a situation. I often refuse to feel guilt, and almost no chance of feeling it if someone expects me to but I don't see it that way.
I was thinking the same thing. I would have probably handled the situation much differently, like going up and saying hi to her immediately. By avoiding contact with everyone, you admit you did something wrong. However, if you could get her to laugh about the whole thing, or she comes off as a bitch since you're being friendly, you come off as an interesting, awesome person.
The important thing here is that the OP learned a lesson, about grammar.
:iatp:

[limabeanactuary]

The important thing here is that the OP learned a lesson, about grammar.

Indeed.

And never make that mistake again, young man.

[Buru Buru]

Maybe you just need more practice.

yeah, possibly.

[MAX.]

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this.

"just hooking up" doesn't imply non-exclusivity (it certainly doesn't imply that you ARE exclusive). To her... it could have meant, we're hooking up (exclusively) while we're in Rome but once we go back to "real life" that's it.

[Patience]

I don't disagree that it was a jerky thing to do, but look at it from my point of view for a second.

I told this girl early on that the hooking up was just hooking up and she seemed to agree with this. She asked me if she could sleep in my house because she was in my area and it was inconvenient for her to go home. Should I have been there? Probably. But she still got in (FTR, I called her my roommate to let her in, it's not like I was ignoring her calls) and was able to sleep in my bed. I was in a different part of Rome, and it was inconvenient for me to go home just to meet up with this girl. Plus I was with another girl. So I should have gone back to my house to meet up with a girl that I had told that we were just hooking up despite the fact that she still had a place to sleep, which was the main point of why she wanted to stay at my place?

she "slept" at your house two prior nights and even though not spending the day together asked if she could "sleep" at your house the next night too. You got drunk and forgot about her and she later found out you decided to do someone better? or just different? even though she knew perfectly well you had her available for you that night too.

Even if just a short term thing, that can be hurtful

[Agadefe]

"just hooking up" doesn't imply non-exclusivity (it certainly doesn't imply that you ARE exclusive). To her... it could have meant, we're hooking up (exclusively) while we're in Rome but once we go back to "real life" that's it.

We agreed we weren't going to be exclusive in the beginning.

she "slept" at your house two prior nights and even though not spending the day together asked if she could "sleep" at your house the next night too. You got drunk and forgot about her and she later found out you decided to do someone better? or just different? even though she knew perfectly well you had her available for you that night too.

Even if just a short term thing, that can be hurtful

Yes, I agree. I was just saying that from my point of view I am not a complete jerk, though still a jerk.

I sent her a Facebook message.

[Patience]

It always sucks when you think it's just sex, but becomes something more to only one party. .

what you are missing is even if she thought it was just sex, you blew her off to just have sex with someone else. Even worse, this was after already sampling what there was to offer

I didn't invite her. She said "I'm going to be drinking near your place with other people, can I sleep over after so I don't have to go all the way back to my house". I said yes, and made sure she had a place to sleep. My only plans for that night (note: she didn't invite me to go with her group) were to go out elsewhere with the other girl. It would have been very inconvenient for me to go back to my house, and as mentioned, I still made sure she had a place to sleep which was her main request.

If you had plans with the other girl, why didn't you just say at that time "I have other plans and probably won't be home, but someone can let you in". Instead it seemd up until now as if you stood her up for the other girl.

[the BS method]

This thread took off too fast.

Did the ____ turn out to be tiny penis?

[Agadefe]

what you are missing is even if she thought it was just sex, you blew her off to just have sex with someone else. Even worse, this was after already sampling what there was to offer



If you had plans with the other girl, why didn't you just say at that time "I have other plans and probably won't be home, but someone can let you in". Instead it seemd up until now as if you stood her up for the other girl.

I didn't make plans with the other girl until later. And it wasn't just that girl. It was a bunch of other people. I got very drunk and ended up hooking up with the girl.

It would have been extremely difficult for me to get home in my drunken state, and was I supposed to not go out just so she could hook up with me later? (again, those were the only plans available, and Tara didn't invite me to her thing).

Even if I didn't hook up with the girl, the chances that I would have been home for Tara were very small at that point. I didn't blow her off to have sex with someone else. She made plans to go out in my area without including me and wanted a place to stay. I had no other plans but to go out somewhere else. I went out somewhere else, got very drunk, and would have probably stayed there regardless. The hooking up with the other girl was just a side thing to the scenario where she would have been without me either way.

[Agadefe]

I didn't make plans with the other girl until later. And it wasn't just that girl. It was a bunch of other people. I got very drunk and ended up hooking up with the girl.

It would have been extremely difficult for me to get home in my drunken state, and was I supposed to not go out just so she could hook up with me later (again, those were the only plans available, and Tara didn't invite me to her thing).

Even if I didn't hook up with the girl, the chances that I would have been home for Tara were very small at that point. I didn't blow her off to have sex with someone else. She made plans to go out in my area without including me and wanted a place to stay. I had no other plans but to go out somewhere else. I went out somewhere else, got very drunk, and would have probably stayed there regardless. The hooking up with the other girl was just a side thing to the scenario where she would have been without me either way.

Though I do see how it appeared from her point of view.

I am not trying to exonerate myself, I should have thought it through better at the time and handled it better. But the situation itself, I was not acting like too much of a jerk in my opinion.

[Dismal Science]

Couldn't you read between the lines when she stated that she wanted to crash at your place for the night? Geez...seems pretty obvious to me.

Also, define "hooking up" here. I was under the impression that meant teh sex0rs but others on here seem to think it includes making out and such.

[MAX.]

We agreed we weren't going to be exclusive in the beginning.





k... then it's mostly her... not that it matters now cause i'm sure her version of the story is different...

[Agadefe]

Couldn't you read between the lines when she stated that she wanted to crash at your place for the night? Geez...seems pretty obvious to me.

Also, define "hooking up" here. I was under the impression that meant teh sex0rs but others on here seem to think it includes making out and such.

Hooking up is sex0r, yes.

I could read between the lines. But again, this was a night everyone was going out, and the only thing I was invited to (that I wanted to go to) was elsewhere. Should I have stayed at home waiting for her to get back from her thing? Or should I have made sure not to get too drunk? Those are things you do for a gf, not a hookup. For a hookup, you make sure she has a place to stay, which I did.

k... then it's mostly her... not that it matters now cause i'm sure her version of the story is different...

Well from her POV, like Patience and others have mentioned, it does seem a lot worse than from mine. So even if it's the same story, I can understand what she was feeling (see talking out stuff on the AO is useful). I sent her a message that puts the blame squarely on me.

[Patience]

Hooking up is sex0r, yes.

I could read between the lines. But again, this was a night everyone was going out, and the only thing I was invited to (that I wanted to go to) was elsewhere. Should I have stayed at home waiting for her to get back from her thing? Or should I have made sure not to get too drunk? Those are things you do for a gf, not a hookup. For a hookup, you make sure she has a place to stay, which I did.



Well from her POV, like Patience and others have mentioned, it does seem a lot worse than from mine. So even if it's the same story, I can understand what she was feeling (see talking out stuff on the AO is useful). I sent her a message that puts the blame squarely on me.

Maybe she didn't invite you, because like you said it was just hooking up and that would have seemed too much like a date.

Maybe there is nothing else you could have done, at the time, but at least now you are seeing her perspective, especially getting caught after the other hook-up

and again, it isn't the crime, whether it was standing her up, crashing somewhere else or even doing someone else. It is how you handle the consequences. You got defensive, you put it on her perspective of the relationship. This as the point in time you went wrong, not as much the night before.

[FountainBlue]

On average, perhaps women are less capable. Far less capable is not true in my opinion.

Regardless of this, both genders are entirely capable of both stringless sex and being hurt when that's all it is. In the past, it may have been more skewed since it took "more" for a girl to have sex than a guy due to society's double standard. As the double standard dissipates, stringless sex having ability increases.

While I agree that women are entirely capable to have stringless sex, it does hurts a lot initially as the guys she sleeps with keep walking away. Overtime, as she gets "more practice", her emotions will wear away and sex is not as "tasty" as the she would have with the first few men. Which is when she doesn't have enough emotions and could (and some probably need to) sleep with more variety of men to keep up the pleasure derived from her first encounters.

It is her choice, some women view more sex with different guys as a way of gaining experience. Personally, I think more sex with different guys doesn't necessarily give you the suitable experience for your next partner. They are like actuarial exams, the next exam is probably entirely different from your previous one and you could study them out of order. It's all about personal choice, some women like to be able to do a tons of stringless sex, where as some other women like to keep the # of their partners as low as possible so that their emotions don't wear away as fast. Afterall, emotion is a good portion of what makes women different from men.

[Agadefe]

Maybe she didn't invite you, because like you said it was just hooking up and that would have seemed too much like a date.

Maybe there is nothing else you could have done, at the time, but at least now you are seeing her perspective, especially getting caught after the other hook-up

and again, it isn't the crime, whether it was standing her up, crashing somewhere else or even doing someone else. It is how you handle the consequences. You got defensive, you put it on her perspective of the relationship. This as the point in time you went wrong, not as much the night before.

I agree.

While I agree that women are entirely capable to have stringless sex, it does hurts a lot initially as the guys she sleeps with keep walking away. Overtime, as she gets "more practice", her emotions will wear away and sex is not as "tasty" as the she would have with the first few men. Which is when she doesn't have to involve as much emotions the more men she sleeps with.

It is her choice, some women view more sex with different guys as a way of gaining experience. Personally, I think more sex with different guys doesn't necessarily give you the suitable experience for your next partner. They are like actuarial exams, the next exam is probably entirely different from your previous one and you could study them out of order. It's all about personal choice, some women like to be able to do a tons of stringless sex, where as some other women like to keep the # of their partners as low as possible so that their emotions don't wear away as fast. Afterall, emotion is a good portion of what makes women different from men.

While everything you say may be true, I don't agree that the chasm between how men and women view sex is as wide due to their nature as many believe.

Maybe I just had a different upbringing or experiences, but I think that both men and women are very capable of everything you mentioned here. Women are even capable of having sex and liking the guy, and still not viewing it as anything more than sex (just like guys can). It hurt when they walk way, only when you are expecting them not to. And sex with emotions is always better than sex without them. It doesn't mean that sex without them is bad, or that some amount of sex without them is going to lead to inability to have sex with them.

[Patience]

Maybe I just had a different upbringing or experiences, but I think that both men and women are very capable of everything you mentioned here. Women are even capable of having sex and liking the guy, and still not viewing it as anything more than sex (just like guys can). It hurt when they walk way, only when you are expecting them not to. And sex with emotions is always better than sex without them. It doesn't mean that sex without them is bad, or that some amount of sex without them is going to lead to inability to have sex with them.

there is a big difference between what women are capable of and what the average woman can do


Men are stronger than women - but there are women that can beat up or out lift 95% of all men. Same is true of men are faster than women. or can throw further or jump higher.

It is all true, just not always true

I believe men are more capable of having meaningless sex. It doesn't mean there aren't women out there that also have no issue with this. But I would say most women need some emotional tie or some suspicion it will be more than sex.

[ElDucky]

I agree.



While everything you say may be true, I don't agree that the chasm between how men and women view sex is as wide due to their nature as many believe.

Maybe I just had a different upbringing or experiences, but I think that both men and women are very capable of everything you mentioned here. Women are even capable of having sex and liking the guy, and still not viewing it as anything more than sex (just like guys can). It hurt when they walk way, only when you are expecting them not to. And sex with emotions is always better than sex without them. It doesn't mean that sex without them is bad, or that some amount of sex without them is going to lead to inability to have sex with them.

Your grammar lesson isn't over I see, although, after looking it up, this isn't technically wrong.

[Agadefe]

Your grammar lesson isn't over I see; although, after looking it up, this isn't technically wrong.

ifyp

[limabeanactuary]

Starting a sentence with "And" is simply a matter of style.

GRAMMAR ZOMBIE HAS SPOKEN.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAR

As you were.

[ditkaworshipper]

Ifyp.
Ifyp. :shake:

[Agadefe]

Update:

She responded:

"dont worry about it. Friend's Name seems like a good guy. thanks for apologizing, but its not really a big deal. I had forgotten about it until I saw you at the party. hopefully i'll see u around at Her Friends Name's Themed New Years Party."

See, all is well. I probably have to be invited to this party for me to see her around at it though.

[ElDucky]

I think you'll be sexing her again really soon.

[Buru Buru]

I think you'll be sexing her again really soon.

I was thinking that too, but doesn't he have a gf now?

[Agadefe]

I was thinking that too, but doesn't he have a gf now?

It does sound like the possibility is there for me.

That seems like a negative thing to do regardless of gf. But it would be kind of hilarious if I sex her, then hook up with my friend's girlfriend, then take pictures and send them to my girlfriend. Just think of the AO stories.

[SirVLCIV]

TTIWWP of all three girls involved.

[ldancer911]

But how are you going to make your penis bigger? You can't go to the party with your small penis.

[Agadefe]

But how are you going to make your penis bigger? You can't go to the party with your small penis.

I typically stuff my pants with socks before I go to parties. That way if I take off my pants (which happens often), people will think it's average size. And if a girl I don't like tries to hit on me I can take a sock out and yell "YOUR VOICE HAS TURNED MY PENIS INTO A SOCK. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE".

[Kenshiro]

Update:

She responded:

"dont worry about it. Friend's Name seems like a good guy. thanks for apologizing, but its not really a big deal. I had forgotten about it until I saw you at the party. hopefully i'll see u around at Her Friends Name's Themed New Years Party."

See, all is well. I probably have to be invited to this party for me to see her around at it though.

Did you at least ask if you can crash at her place after the party?

[Runner]

After reading all of these posts hoping to find out what ________ is, I've become curious about something else. Where do you find women who like casual ummm... relations, without expecting something more. I've heard of such women, and I think they might exist, but how do you find them? Where are they? You seem to think they are the norm, but I find them to be very either very rare or mythical. I wonder if we live in the same world.

[ElDucky]

After reading all of these posts hoping to find out what ________ is, I've become curious about something else. Where do you find women who like casual ummm... relations, without expecting something more. I've heard of such women, and I think they might exist, but how do you find them? Where are they? You seem to think they are the norm, but I find them to be very either very rare or mythical. I wonder if we live in the same world.

Where do you find a normal date? Check those places. Depending on timing many women will move in and out of the category you seek.

[The Drunken Actuary]

After reading all of these posts hoping to find out what ________ is, I've become curious about something else. Where do you find women who like casual ummm... relations, without expecting something more. I've heard of such women, and I think they might exist, but how do you find them? Where are they? You seem to think they are the norm, but I find them to be very either very rare or mythical. I wonder if we live in the same world.

Craiglist. So I've heard.

[Agadefe]

After reading all of these posts hoping to find out what ________ is, I've become curious about something else. Where do you find women who like casual ummm... relations, without expecting something more. I've heard of such women, and I think they might exist, but how do you find them? Where are they? You seem to think they are the norm, but I find them to be very either very rare or mythical. I wonder if we live in the same world.

In this case, it was study abroad, where everyone was like that.

Good places are bars, clubs, libraries, the street, online. Also, I don't necessarily think it's the norm, I just think both sexes are capable of it and if you're straight up about your intentions, it should work out.