Conservative words

[Interesting Post]

America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western Hemisphere that is #1.
Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.
Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.
Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted.
Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.
Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.
Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.
Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast.
Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything.
Condescending: Accurately informed.
Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately.
Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed.
Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans that don't matter.
Democrat: A political party.
Election: A method of selecting representatives, the fraudulence of which may be determined by the outcome.
Elitist: Qualified.
Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.
Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there.
Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that are held by only a majority of Americans.
Fact: Information that has been verifiably posted to a RedState comment board.
Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.
Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made.
Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that perpetuates itself through youth recruitment.
Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.
Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.
League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and colleges, the lack of a fancy education from which qualifies a candidate for political office.
Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.
Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx and promulgated by Paul Krugman.
Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear things.
Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.
Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.
Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.
Muslims: Brown people who have it coming.
News: Fox News
Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.
Organic: Eaten by lesbians.
Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of "No Taxation With Representation."
Poll: A survey used to determine, to within a margin of error, what percentage of Americans are right.
Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material resources due to not trying hard enough.
Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York Times.
Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of someone who is definitely guilty.
Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.
Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.
Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on President Ronald Reagan.
Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation, experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless left-wing agenda.
Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.
Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR.
Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the lower they are.
Torture: A method of interrogation that does not rise to the level of torture.
Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S. economy unless his demands are met should not be compared.
Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of the looking glass.
Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny.
Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, is down.
Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening.
Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.
Yes: (no translation available)


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jonathan-bines/republican-dictionary_b_1028841.html

[Pseudolus]

Mods, please change above poster's login name. Thanks!

[Guerilla poster]

Interesting Post: a socialist loving heathen who hates America and should move his azz to Canada or preferrably Europe if he hates the real America

[Interesting Post]

Actually I wouldn't mind living in Vancouver.

[yankeetripper]

Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.
I kind of liked the Jesus one.

[Interesting Post]

Was there a year zero? Or did the years go ...2 BC, 1 BC, 1 AD, 2 AD....?

[OddSox]

Was there a year zero? Or did the years go ...2 BC, 1 BC, 1 AD, 2 AD....?

the second one. there was no year zero.

[Guerilla poster]

Why was Jesus born? If I was God, I would just have had him appear as a fully grown adult. too much risk in child birth back then. Plus, you waste like 20 years.

[FormLetter]

Why was Jesus born? If I was God, I would just have had him appear as a fully grown adult. too much risk in child birth back then. Plus, you waste like 20 years.


But then people would have thought he was a drifter and it would have been harder to establish a holiday surrounding his birth.

[yankeetripper]

Why was Jesus born? If I was God, I would just have had him appear as a fully grown adult. too much risk in child birth back then. Plus, you waste like 20 years.

I don't know man. What if he came right out of God's brain like Athena digging her way out of Zues' head with a spear? That sounds kind of painful, even for a god. You might have to take like 12 bottles of the costco size advil to get rid of headache like that. Much easier to make some virgin carry your spawn.

[Standtall]

Was there a year zero? Or did the years go ...2 BC, 1 BC, 1 AD, 2 AD....?

Wouldn't it have been

2BC, 1BC, C, C, C, C, .........C, 1AD, 2AD, 3AD,.........2011AD, 2012AD.

[DownInTexas]

Wouldn't it have been

2BC, 1BC, C, C, C, C, .........C, 1AD, 2AD, 3AD,.........2011AD, 2012AD.

AD is Anno Domini, which transaltes to year of our Lord. So AD 1 should correspond to the first year Jesus was alive. They did the dating wrong though, so it doesn't.

[Standtall]

AD is Anno Domini, which transaltes to year of our Lord. So AD 1 should correspond to the first year Jesus was alive. They did the dating wrong though, so it doesn't.

Did they know when he turned one that he was so cool that we needed to start counting anew? Or was it like he turned 20 or something and we rewound?

[Snagus]

Google munkee chooses:'year counting before Christ'

How were years counted in the past?
The most common method of counting years was to count from the beginning of the rule of the King, Emperor or leader. This system is known as Regnal Years (see below). The Romans counted from the start of the reign of the Emperor or Caesar and reset to one when the next Emperor took over. Alternatively they counted from the founding of Rome. This was indicated by the letters AUC which stood for ab urbe condita.

[FormLetter]

Jesus Christ really had an impact.

[Descalzo]

Some of those are pretty funny. Where's the Liberal one?

[homeys66]

Some of those are pretty funny. Where's the Liberal one?

Here's a start..

Economic growth: A positive process best fostered by unemployment checks, food stamps, and destructive hurricanes.

Evolution: A subject who's mastery implies high scientific acumen....even among people who couldn't pass Chemistry 101.

[FormLetter]

Offensive: Anything at all if deemed so by anyone at all

[MightySchoop]

Racism: Any criticism of Barack Obama.

[johnny storm]

Compromise: Free stuff for everybody!

[Baron Von Raschke]

Open-mided: Sympathetic to the liberal worldview.

[homeys66]

Tea Party: A rouge political movement with extremist members that should be negotiated with as a last resort.

Muslim Brotherhood: A political movement with many thoughtful moderate members that should be worked with to develop common ground

[FormLetter]

Individual liberty: Two men can marry each other, but neither should be able to own a gun.

[Werewolf]

Compromise: Doing what liberals demand.
Fairness: Discriminating against the majority.
Mass Transit: Desired form of transportation to be forced on everyone but powerful liberals.

[FormLetter]

Federal Reserve: federal what?

[Werewolf]

Filibuster: 1. A tool for thoughtful debate in the Senate (when used by liberals). 2. An oppressive tool against the will of the people (when used by conservatives).

[Werewolf]

Diversity: A broad selection of traits, laudable if it means non-white skin colors, non-Western nationalities, or non-Christian religions, but explicitly not including multiple political perspectives, military experience, or business experience.

[homeys66]

Comprehensive Immigration Reform: An attempt to finally declare defeat in the Mexican-American War, which had been preemptively called a US victory in 1848.

Budget: A financial report that should be avoided when in massive debt.

[QMO]

LIST...Pretty funny.

I wonder if it's funnier if you think anyone actually thinks any of those things in the way they're presented.

[Guest]

Just got this from a friend - who I guess considers herself a Conservative (and didn't realize that I'm not I guess!) DIVORCE AGREEMENT--WRITTEN BY A YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT--30 STAR RATING:

Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start

[FormLetter]

Just got this from a friend - who I guess considers herself a Conservative (and didn't realize that I'm not I guess!)

I was disappointed that they didn't state who got the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Anyone who adhered to the Constitution would see that a divorce isn't necessary at all. Just follow the Constitution and most of those issues can be addressed at the state level with scaled-back federal gov't.

[TheGillotine]

Just got this from a friend - who I guess considers herself a Conservative (and didn't realize that I'm not I guess!)

I think I'd move to New Zealand if this happened. Both sides seem crappy.

[Guest]

I just have to imagine the kid who wrote that has never actually had a discussion with someone with different views. Probably raised on Glen Beck.

Why otherwise rational human beings are forwarding it to other people and stating that it was "incredibly well put" is beyond me.

FTR - I forwarded the "Conservative Words" thing to my friend and she found the humor in it as well.

[actuwannabemtl]

Monkeys : animals whose existence disproves evolution because if evolution is true, how come there are still monkeys around ?