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View Full Version : I hate fortune cookies that aren't fortunes


vividox
05-21-2012, 03:54 PM
"You have a great smile."

WTF? It's supposed to be a fortune cookie, not a compliment cookie.

vividox
05-21-2012, 03:54 PM
On a side note, I would love to go to a restaurant that had amazingly epic fortunes in their fortune cookies. I would also love to write fortunes for a company that produces such fortune cookies.

Happy Skunk
05-21-2012, 03:55 PM
http://s3.hubimg.com/u/2307290_f520.jpg

2pac Shakur
05-21-2012, 03:56 PM
And they're not even really cookies!
Double rip-off!

hd
05-21-2012, 03:57 PM
I totally agree. Fortunes that aren't fortunes are annoying.

A coworker once got "The weather is beautiful." Not only was it not a fortune, it wasn't even true.

"Nothing is more precious than time, for time is the price of eternity."

Aeitra
05-21-2012, 03:58 PM
I had a teacher that made fortune cookies for the class, and filled each with her own personal messages. Maybe i should put this story in the insignificant advances thread

vividox
05-21-2012, 04:02 PM
I want to get a fortune cookie that says something along the lines of:

"You will be coming out of the closet soon, my number is on the opposite side."

Cuz that's a lot funnier than a compliment.

Gonzo
05-21-2012, 04:05 PM
"you too fat, eat more vegetable"

Browncoat
05-21-2012, 04:07 PM
I've only ever gotten one that was a fortune. It said, "You will inherit a large sum of money." It did not specify what it considered "large", nor did it restrict itself to a time frame.

I'm still waiting.

vividox
05-21-2012, 04:08 PM
I have a friend of a friend who I hear got one that said "That wasn't chicken..." but I cannot guarantee the validity of the claim. It's not a fortune, but at least it's funny.

Gonzo
05-21-2012, 04:11 PM
"china will be next superpower"

1695814
05-21-2012, 04:14 PM
and not only that...but my :qunq:lucky numbers:qunq: are never lucky.

The Wizard of Awe
05-21-2012, 04:16 PM
Home: You should learn Chinese... it might be useful in the future if you catch my drift.

Anthemyst
05-21-2012, 04:16 PM
"A carrot a day, may keep cancer away"

The fact that that isn't a fortune is only the tip of the iceburg of what's wrong with it.

1695814
05-21-2012, 04:39 PM
"A carrot a day, may keep cancer away"

The fact that that isn't a fortune is only the tip of the iceburg of what's wrong with it.yeah, carrot hasn't posted here in years months.

keyser soze
05-21-2012, 04:45 PM
I would like to see insult cookies -
"your mother is a whore"
"your breath smells like death"
http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/df55/

jalapeno29
05-21-2012, 04:46 PM
I just want to get a fortune that ends with "in bed"

Arthur Kade
05-21-2012, 05:10 PM
"Your boss has a wonderful personality, but not for a human being."

Turns out it was a gag cookie planted by my co-workers (welcome lunch for a new job).

Gonzo
05-21-2012, 05:40 PM
I just want to get a fortune that ends with "in my pants"

ifyp

1695814
05-23-2012, 04:47 PM
The next time someone insults you, fail to notice it. You will show more class for doing so in bed.

Ultimate Anyone?
05-24-2012, 12:40 AM
Got this one yesterday:

"If you are afraid to shake the dice, you will never throw a six."

jalapeno29
05-24-2012, 01:15 AM
honey badger dont give a shit!

Androzani Major
05-24-2012, 01:16 AM
Got this one yesterday:

"If you are afraid to shake the dice, you will never throw a six."
Geez, that's not even an Asian cultural thing!






(Much like fortune cookies...)

Hawgdriver
05-24-2012, 02:38 AM
Tonight, my curry take-out came with no ordinary fortune cookie, but with a SUPER Fortune Cookie.

My SUPER fortune? "don't put off enjoying today what you can enjoy tomorrow" or something equally worthless. "enjoy what you can enjoy today and not tomorrow"

Dear SuPER Fortune Cookie company:

First of all, I want epic prophesy, not some advice lifted off the back cover of a moldy 1973 Reader's Digest. I don't want your damn lecture about how to live my life. I want to feel like I'm enraptured in Sufi mesmerism.

Second, your advice is crappy. Why do you want to screw up my life?

Third, if you insist on ruining my fortune cookie experience, at least do it in style. Like, leave a blank piece of paper in the cookie: Decry determinism! Or just leave the name of some chick that I may or may not already know. Assuming the name is different from my wife's. :tfh:

Johnny Deformed
08-03-2012, 04:25 PM
They are mostly statements or advices and as has also been pointed out, they aren't cookies. So they should be Foodstuffeds, as they are food, and stuffed with messages.

Stan
08-03-2012, 05:05 PM
I once had one that just said:

today, you are the chosen one.

I felt special because it was my 21st birthday.

twig93
08-03-2012, 05:15 PM
I got one once that said "You like Chinese food."

Wow... I wonder how they figured that out?!?!

Wigmeister General
08-03-2012, 05:17 PM
I thought every fortune cookie came with lucky numbers.

1695814
08-03-2012, 05:21 PM
I thought every fortune cookie came with lucky numbers.
Mine were 1 5 6 8 9 14...not necessarily in that order

omegakain
08-03-2012, 05:32 PM
Last year my department went to a Chinese restaurant for a co-worker's birthday. We all got fortune cookies, and mine said something like "Of the lucky few, you are the chosen one". Lotto happened to be really high that week, so we all went in on tickets based on the fortune cookie numbers. Only my ticket won ($7).

Baby, ByeBye
08-03-2012, 06:07 PM
Last year my department went to a Chinese restaurant for a co-worker's birthday. We all got fortune cookies, and mine said something like "Of the lucky few, you are the chosen one". Lotto happened to be really high that week, so we all went in on tickets based on the fortune cookie numbers. Only my ticket won ($7).

Praise Buddha

vividox
11-07-2012, 02:42 PM
:bump:

"Be good to yourself. Dessert three times a week is OK."

FormLetter
11-07-2012, 03:56 PM
"You should clean your silverware or pants"

Samir
11-07-2012, 04:13 PM
The one I got yesterday said, " Only listen to fortune cookie. Do not listen to any other source of fortune."

Epsilon Theta
11-07-2012, 04:17 PM
Once I got this: " You will soon have new clothes."

So, I went shopping.

vividox
01-03-2013, 03:00 PM
Worst :qunq:fortune:qunq: ever?

"Education is not filling a bucket but lighting a fire."

MightySchoop
01-03-2013, 03:11 PM
I thought every fortune cookie came with lucky numbers.

MissusSchoop and I compare the lucky numbers from fortunes -- whoever gets more primes wins.

Ogre_8
01-03-2013, 03:33 PM
I hate horoscopes therefore I love fortune cookies. Because horoscopes are generally meant for multiple people born in the same time frame and those people are easily amused.

I am an educated white male therefore I only like generic idioms that are specifically packaged for me and me only. Mine. All mine. Plus I fancy higher a foreign cultural icon that was invented and popularized in the good ol' USA.

snikelfritz
01-03-2014, 01:26 PM
"You can talk your way out of almost anything"

I was going to work tonnes today to make up for slowing down in the last few days, but the cookie implores me not to, and to just talk my way out of it........

Vorian Atreides
01-03-2014, 01:28 PM
Any phrase coming out of a :qunq:fortune:qunq: cookie is always made better (and truer) by adding ". . . beneath the sheets" after the cookie-phrase.

snikelfritz
01-03-2014, 01:29 PM
Any phrase coming out of a :qunq:fortune:qunq: cookie is always made better (and truer) by adding ". . . beneath the sheets" after the cookie-phrase.

I like it......

Baby, ByeBye
01-03-2014, 01:30 PM
And they're not even really cookies!
Double rip-off!

next you're gonna tell me they aren't even chinese

vividox
01-03-2014, 01:30 PM
ISWYDT

Neutral Omen
01-03-2014, 01:39 PM
What's the deal with cookies? We don't really cook them. We should call them bakies.

Generic sentiment bakies

Baby, ByeBye
01-03-2014, 01:39 PM
cracker

Baby, ByeBye
01-03-2014, 01:43 PM
Rumors that fortune cookies were invented in China are seen as false.[10] In 1989, fortune cookies were reportedly imported into Hong Kong and sold as "genuine American fortune cookies".[10] Wonton Food attempted to expand its fortune cookie business into China in 1992, but gave up after fortune cookies were considered "too American".[10]

:lol:

Baby, ByeBye
01-03-2014, 01:43 PM
Fortune cookies moved from being a confection dominated by Japanese-Americans to one dominated by Chinese-Americans sometime around World War II. One theory for why this occurred is because of the Japanese American internment during World War II, which forcibly put over 100,000 Japanese-Americans in internment camps, including those who had produced fortune cookies. This gave an opportunity for Chinese manufacturers

Neutral Omen
01-03-2014, 02:08 PM
to add further fuel to the asian race wars

JollyGoodFCAS
01-03-2014, 02:53 PM
My favourite fortune is, "Help, I'm trapped inside this cookie!"

JollyGoodFCAS
01-03-2014, 02:54 PM
"you too fat, eat more vegetable"

Eating veggies doesn't help me lose weight. Maybe that's because I was born in the year of the pig.

Samir
01-03-2014, 02:55 PM
Heard this recently on TV...

"Just be yourself. You're already married."

glassjaws
01-03-2014, 02:55 PM
For those of you looking to make your own fortune cookies, you can do that in Chinatown section of San Francisco. Mine reads "You will get ass cancer and be raped by an elephant." I am waiting for the prime moment to give it to someone.

Entropy
01-03-2014, 03:03 PM
For those of you looking to make your own fortune cookies, you can do that in Chinatown section of San Francisco. Mine reads "You will get ass cancer and be raped by an elephant." I am waiting for the prime moment to give it to someone.

Serious question: how did you determine the order of events?

glassjaws
01-03-2014, 03:04 PM
Serious question: how did you determine the order of events?

Drunken intuition.

King of the North
01-03-2014, 03:17 PM
I hate when my fortune cookie is telling me I am eating a fortune cookie.

2pac Shakur
01-03-2014, 03:18 PM
My fortune cookie said I will experience Quan Jue.

Vorian Atreides
01-03-2014, 03:24 PM
Serious question: how did you determine the order of events?
=RAND()





Although for the event in question, perhaps =RNAD()

Vorian Atreides
01-03-2014, 03:25 PM
Beware of grape with mallet.

ShundayBloodyShunday
01-03-2014, 03:38 PM
Got a fortune! :clap:


You will discover the truth in time.


:woot::party:

I won't be late in finding out!! :clap:

glassjaws
01-03-2014, 03:39 PM
My fortune cookie said I will experience Quan Jue.

I'll bring 300 of my friends to watch.

Hard Candy
01-03-2014, 03:44 PM
My fortune cookie said I will experience Quan Jue.

Quan Jue talkin' about Willis?

Neutral Omen
01-03-2014, 03:54 PM
Does anyone else look if they get 13 in their lucky numbers? I've gotten it a couple of times.

campbell
01-03-2014, 04:01 PM
My fortune cookie said I will experience Quan Jue.

:snort:

campbell
01-03-2014, 04:01 PM
I'll bring 300 of my friends to watch.

don't forget to take video

1695814
02-01-2017, 02:37 PM
"You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire."

I can't tell if this is encouragement or scolding.

Also, they obviously haven't seen my Schedule O.

Vorian Atreides
02-01-2017, 02:39 PM
Any phrase coming out of a :qunq:fortune:qunq: cookie is always made better (and truer) by adding ". . . beneath the sheets" after the cookie-phrase.

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire."

I can't tell if this is encouragement or scolding beneath the sheets.

Also, they obviously haven't seen my Schedule O beneath the sheets.

.

E. Blackadder
02-01-2017, 02:51 PM
Fortune cookies used to conform to the "in bed" rule. Now they don't.

BruteForce
02-01-2017, 03:14 PM
I've only ever gotten one that was a fortune. It said, "You will inherit a large sum of money." It did not specify what it considered "large", nor did it restrict itself to a time frame.

I'm still waiting.

And I'm still waiting on an update!

:pokeystick:

Meshuga
02-01-2017, 03:59 PM
photo of a fortune i pulled from a cookie

vividox
02-01-2017, 04:13 PM
That's excellent.

Gonzo
02-01-2017, 05:59 PM
taco bell hot sauce packets have messages now. who makes these up? sounds like some millennial locked up in the HQ basement

"i'm ketchup's hot sister"
"marry me"
etc.

vividox
02-01-2017, 06:11 PM
They've had those for, easily, a decade.

E. Blackadder
02-14-2017, 10:00 AM
My fortune cookie said I will experience Quan Jue.

Every time you mention Quan Jue, someone gets killed. In this case it's Lil' Kim's half brother (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/kim-jong-un-assassination-female-agents-poisoned-needles-north-korea-killed-dead-death-malaysia-a7579336.html), in Malaysia.

Kim Jong-nam was killed at Kuala Lumpur airport after being attacked by two women with "poisoned needles," according to local TV reports.

The two women, believed to be North Korean agents, escaped in a taxi and remain at large, TV Chosun reported.

Vorian Atreides
02-14-2017, 10:26 AM
The Fembots are on the loose again. :yikes:

I suppose that "poisoned needles" was code for :qunq:machine-gun jubblies:qunq:

E. Blackadder
02-14-2017, 06:49 PM
The Fembots are on the loose again. :yikes:

I suppose that "poisoned needles" was code for :qunq:machine-gun jubblies:qunq:

My understanding is that they didn't exactly sex him to death, but I know not of this "code."