Out of the Mouths of Babes

[Traci]

Last night I took my kids to the mall. My 3-year-old recognized that this was the mall that has the "Rainforest Cafe" - the "Resternaut" as she calls it.

For those unfamiliar, right outside the cafe is a "pond" with a life-like crocodile in it. It moves and grumbles, etc. And the kids like to throw coins in.

Anyway - she got excited as we were walking in - so I said, "Hey - let's throw some pennies to the Crocodile!"

She stopped, confused, and asked, "We're going to throw our panties at the crocodile?"

PENNIES! PENNIES!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!

[Me]

When my nephew was pretty little, his mom was making a whole chicken to put in the oven. It was sitting on the counter and my nephew was staring at it for the longest time. His mom asked him what he was thinking. He pointed to the hole where all the insides got taken out of and said, "That must have been a BIG bullet."

[M.]

One day my wife was driving with our son to my work to take me home because my car was in the shop. Jacob (my son) asked where they were going. My wife said, "We're going to pick up Daddy." Jacob looked confused, then said, "But he's too heavy!"

[Rockhound]

When we told my son we were thinking about buying a new house, he asked "but how will we carry it home?".

[Patience]

This one hurt. When you know its time to cut down on the travel.

As we were driving past the Airport my little one looks out the window and yells "Look! Its daddy's office"

[Caffeine Junkie]

My 6 year old refers to chopsticks as "chomp-sticks", which I think is a much more descriptive term.

[Traci]

Last night - my 3-year-old was eating a sticky cinnamon roll.

Me: Oh Emilie! Don't wipe your fingers on your shirt!

Emilie (very matter-of-factly): I'm NOT wiping them on my shirt, Mom ... I'm wiping them on the chair!

[ne11er]

This is from the almost three year old son of a good friend of mine.

My friend was driving home with his son one night and was at a stoplight behind another van. Once the stoplight turned green, the van in front stalled and had trouble re-starting. My friend noticed this and was patiently waiting for the van to re-start the engine and move forward. Well, his son wasn't so patient and after a few seconds yelled at the van, "GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I guess even three year olds have incidents of road rage. :smile:

[The Mister]

<font size=2>In my wife's pre-school class this last week's unit was "G is for Garden". The assignment was to glue a lima bean to the bottom of a sheet of paper and draw whatever they thought would grow out of it.

One child drew Captain Crunch coming out of the bean. :smile:

Later the same day, the same child had to draw whatever he thought was *inside* the seed (before it sprouts). He drew a snowman. :grin:

More in a moment...

[The Mister]

<font size=2>A few weeks ago my wife had a fall unit. One activity was a "fall feely box", that had fall items in it, such as Indian corn, acorns, little gourds, etc. So she and her students talked about what each thing was used for; she explained that squirrels ate the acorns. So the next day, my wife asked her students what squirrels eat, and one kid thought for a moment and said, "Chipmunks?" :grin:

[Patience]

On 2001-10-20 15:10, The Mister wrote:
<font size=2>In my wife's pre-school class

Now that's just sick.

[Traci]

The latest:

Today she (my 3yo) is walking around with a big bruise next to her right eye. She was trying to climb onto/into one of those mechanical cars outside of K-Mart and slipped.

I just know everyone is looking at her, thinking I beat my kid. ("Sure she fell, lady ...")

But it was funny, in a pathetic sort of way: She was crying afterwards (of course), and this very kind gentleman came up and offered to put quarters in the rides for my kids!

I looked at myself in my old blue jeans and sweatshirt that I threw on to run to the store and figured out: He thought she was crying because I wouldn't/couldn't let them ride!

[Oh Yeah]

That's funny. He probably thought he was doing his good deed for the day. 'Poor little kids...'

[ne11er]

So, did you take him up on the quarter offer? :smile:

[Traci]

Him (running up to us): I just happen to have 2 quarters here that I'm not using!
Me: Oh! That's not necessary! ...
Him: My grandkids love these things, they would be crushed if they didn't get to ride ...
Me: Yes but ... (The kids jump back on - he puts the coins in) ... They have already had a ride ... well ... What do you say girls?
Them: THANK YOU!!

Whatta ya gonna do?

He probably did think he was doing a really nice thing - and it was - no point in insisting it wasn't necessary.

[The Mister]

On 2001-10-20 15:10, I wrote:
In my wife's pre-school classOn 2001-10-22 09:32, Patience wrote:
Now that's just sick.<font size=2>Nonono... she's just reeeeally behind.

[1695814]

A while ago Child was disobeying me & speaking rudely to me after I had informed her of my wishes. I then sternly commanded her, "Don't talk back to me!" Her reply, "I'M NOT TALKING BACKWARDS! I'M TALKING FORWARDS!!!" I believe she was 3 or so at the time.

[Traci]

I had forgotten these anecdotes about my own kids -- thanks for the trip down memory lane! :)

[Cirroc]

I will not Reef-ize this thread.

[Mr. Grim]

Harder baby harder

[Roto]

Our 4-year old, whenever she sees someone wearing a Ralph Lauren shirt, will comment on the "Caribou" insignia on the chest. Dunno how she sees a caribou there... but I find it too amusing to correct her.

[Father of two]

Two funny things:

Older kid said to younger kid: "Santa is not real. The mailman comes into your house at night and brings presents."

Youngest said: "God does'nt give us the Bible, we have to go to the store and buy it."

[Moe Szyslak]

Two funny things:

Older kid said to younger kid: "Santa is not real. The mailman comes into your house at night and brings presents."

Youngest said: "God does'nt give us the Bible, we have to go to the store and buy it."
Are their names Rod and Todd?

[ShakeNBakes]

my mom tells this story to anyone who will listen....

I was about 3 or 4 and did something I shouldn't have done. :oops: So my mom was on a tirade, at one point yelling "you'd better pull up your socks, mister" Apparently, I bent down and pulled my socks up. I guess it's pretty hard to yell at your kid when you're trying not to laugh...

[JMO]

My sister had been misbehaving, and my mother declared, "You are going to get a spanking, I can see the hand writing on the wall." Whatever she had done, it had not involved marking the wall, and my sister wailed, "But I didn't do that!"

[Roto]

"you'd better pull up your socks, mister"

Never heard of that saying....

[Roto]

My mother still laughs about the time she told a 4- or 5-year old Roto, "Grandma is going to get her hair fixed"... a concerned young Roto sadly responded, "Who Broke it?"

[Frenchie]

my mom tells this story to anyone who will listen....

I was about 3 or 4 and did something I shouldn't have done. :oops: So my mom was on a tirade, at one point yelling "you'd better pull up your socks, mister" Apparently, I bent down and pulled my socks up. I guess it's pretty hard to yell at your kid when you're trying not to laugh...

Oh tell me about it. I can't remember the exact circumstance at the moment, but I was fussing at Mini-Me recently and something she did just cracked me up in the middle of it all! I lost it! I made it worse by saying "Quit making me laugh when I'm trying to yell at you!" That was the end of that lecture.

[LoneGirl]

When my brother was about 3 years old, he was at the grocery store checkout line with my mom and the woman in front of them was using food stamps. My brother yells really loudly "Mom, that lady is trying to use fake money!" My mom was so embarrassed!

[LoneGirl]

My other favorite kid story: Some friends went to Las Vegas and left their two kids with the grandparents. One day, the younger one says to his grandma "When are mommy and daddy coming home?" The older one looks at him and says "She doesn't know when they're coming home because they're lost! They went to Lost Vegas!"

[Ailing Factuary]

"you'd better pull up your socks, mister"


Huh???? I've never heard this expression.

[Super Fly]

My niece with a nerf gun: Stick em up!
(My dad puts his hands up)
Dad: You can't shoot me, I put my hands up.
Niece: Put your hands down!

[Halfmoon]

Sometimes watching your mouth with young kids doesn't pay off quite the way its supposed to... My niece a couple Christmas' back helped her mom & dad open up a bocce ball set. While checking out the pieces she looked right at her mom who's video taping and says, "these balls are frickin' heavy". How do you not laugh?

[hotkarl]

I think I have told this one on some other thread but here goes:

A few years back, my niece was asking my brother in law about the ball-and-chain shown on a prisoner in a cartoon. He explained that there were times in n history when criminals were chained to large weights to prevent them from moving. She was very inqusitive about how they were made, how large they were, if they were still used, etc.

Later,from about 30 feet away in a large department store, my niece yelled out to him:"Hey Dad, remember those prisoners we were talking about?"
He nodded his head, then she screamed:" How big were their balls, again?"

[Smooth Verona]

We were at Chick-Fil-A on vacation, and my oldest daughter (about 4 or 5 at the time) asked about the cow ad campaign (for those that don't know, they have cows that say "Eat more chicken"). I explained that the cows prefer you not to eat hamburgers because beef comes from cows. I was a little worried about what she'd think because she loves animals. She then asked, "Where does bacon come from?" I responded, "Pigs." She paused and then said, "Mmmm, pigs are good."

[Frenchie]

I think I have told this one on some other thread but here goes:

A few years back, my niece was asking my brother in law about the ball-and-chain shown on a prisoner in a cartoon. He explained that there were times in n history when criminals were chained to large weights to prevent them from moving. She was very inqusitive about how they were made, how large they were, if they were still used, etc.

Later,from about 30 feet away in a large department store, my niece yelled out to him:"Hey Dad, remember those prisoners we were talking about?"
He nodded his head, then she screamed:" How big were their balls, again?"

:rofl:

[Jables]

My grandparents had a cherry tree in their backyard, but always had problems with birds eating the cherries. My grandma would say "The birds ate all the damn cherries again!". Me, not knowing any better, thought that they were called "damn cherries"... I'm sure I made my mom feel like a great parent when she was pushing me in the cart down the produce aisle and I asked fairly loudly "Mom, can we get some damn cherries?!"

[JAS]

My neice was learning to talk at the same time as the road in front of her house was being repaired.

One day, we were all at Old Country Buffet and she squirted herself in the eye with a cherry tomato. She screamed out, "What the F...!" and everone turned around to look at our table. Her mother, without batting an eye, says, "Yes, it's Wonderful."

We got some puzzled looks, but I think everyone pretty much believed she had actually said Wonderful.

[maynard]

My four-year-old son started pre-school last year and there was an African American boy in his class. They became friends and one night my son told me, "I like Michael ... he's brown."

In the meantime, my kids love to listen to a cd that my band made a few years ago. The lyrics to one of the songs include the line "the sound of my own voice chooses my direction." But the kids always sing "the sound of the brown boys ...." They're always asking mommy to play "the brown boy song."

[Frenchie]

The same as others, I may have told this somewhere else w/in the forum.

About two years ago during Black History Month, Mini-Me was watching tv and they had the various shows on about the significance of the Civil Rights Movement, etc. So, she comes to me and asks questions about it and I explain that during that time, many white people believed that they were better than blacks and generally weren't nice to us and we didn't have the same rights and such. I explained that things have gotten better and most white people are much nicer and don't think that way. She thinks about it and goes about her business. A while later she comes back and says "It sure was nice of Aunt to marry Uncle". Being distracted I was like "Mm-hmm", without really hearing her comment. Then I thought for minute as it sunk in what she said. I asked her to repeat b/c I really wasn't sure I heard her correctly. She got an embarrassed look and says "nevermind". That's when I was sure I'd heard her correctly -- my brother's wife is white. :rofl:

[Actuary321]

This reads like a Readers Digest. Some of you ought to send them in, could be $$ in it for you.

[Take 2]

As a youngster, I was assigned a new chore -- trimming the long grass by the garden (pre-Weedwhacker days). When I complained to Mom that the shears weren't working well, she said, "I think you just need to apply a little elbow grease." I went back outside, stared at my elbow, then at the shears, finally shrugged and rubbed them together.

I wasn't sure how to take her odd expression when I told her I had applied elbow grease, but they still didn't work.

[Klaymen]

I once cut open a dollar bill as a child because there were a hundred pennies in a dollar and I wanted to see the pennies.

[1695814]

Way back when child was being potty trained she let one rip while sitting upon the toilet. She exclaimed, "My butt has thunder!"

[Tyger]

While playing Hide-and-Seek with my 3-soon-to-be 25-yo girl, knowing she was in the closet, I look under her bed and yell "Is she under the bed?"

To which I hear, giggle-laden, from inside the closet "NO! I'm in the closet!!!"

[Traci]

Way back when child was being potty trained she let one rip while sitting upon the toilet. She exclaimed, "My butt has thunder!"

Yeah -- potty-training brings out the best one-liners from kids.

When my oldest was just-trained - we were outside in the garden - she was picking flowers - had one in each hand - and suddenly had to go.

I scooped her up, took the flowers from her hands, and headed for the bathroom. As I knelt down to help her with her pants, I tossed the flowers in the toilet, then sat her down on it.

When she stood up - she looked down to admire her creation -- and got this incredulous look on her face: "Mommy!! I made flower-poopies!!"

[Frenchie]

Way back when child was being potty trained she let one rip while sitting upon the toilet. She exclaimed, "My butt has thunder!"

Along the same lines, my little one got the runs once and said "Grandma, my poop exploded!" :lol:

[Sew Lining]

When my two year-old does something bad and my wife or I tell her to go apologize, she runs up to the person she's wronged and says

"I'm sorry, I forgive you."

Makes for a lot of chuckles.

[Quasi]

Way back when child was being potty trained she let one rip while sitting upon the toilet. She exclaimed, "My butt has thunder!"

Reminds me of one.....when my sister was little my dad was walking around the house in his boxers when he let one rip. My sister yelled "daddy doesn't wear underwear, he wears thunderwear".

[1695814]

When I get done with my daily bike ride, I'm usually pretty sweaty...especially in the summer. When my 3 year old notices the sweat dripping off of me she says, "Daddy, you're a drippy guy!"

She's right in more way than one.

[1695814]

3yo likes to write words even though she has no idea how to spell them, so she asks me, "Daddy, how do you spell [insert word here]?" Today she asked, "Daddy, how do you spell 'TV'?"

[J.T.]

As we drove through an oil field the other day, the youngster tells me, "Something smells and I don't like it." We both look at Dad, who promptly says, "It's not me."

They have dress-up at school occasionally. He dressed up as a dragon one day. When I picked him up, he excitedly told me about the costume. My response was, "Really? Did you go "Roarrrrr" like a dragon and breathe fire like a dragon?" I about fell over when he looked at me with the most serious face and said "Mom, there's no fire in me."

[Ezzard Charles]

My 3-year-old was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror for a long time with his mouth wide open. Apparently he'd never noticed his uvula before, because he came out and told me very solemnly, "Dad -- I have a gut icicle in my mouth."

[Frenchie]

My 3-year-old was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror for a long time with his mouth wide open. Apparently he'd never noticed his uvula before, because he came out and told me very solemnly, "Dad -- I have a gut icicle in my mouth."
:rofl:

[billyreb99]

My son just says "coyble coyble" and "goya goya".

[Loner]

Can you please rename the thread "Dollyisms" so we all know to avoid it?

[Ezzard Charles]

Can you please rename the thread "Dollyisms" so we all know to avoid it?

Ever see the Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoons where people take actual Family Circus drawings and add their own captions? If you hate "Dollyisms", you'll love the DFC.

[Me Too]

4 y.o. boy is playing a copy cat game with an adult; he tells her to say stuff then he repeats it. (Don't ask me what kind of game that is -- ask a 4 y.o.) While adult is away, boy tells 2 y.o. sister: "Say, 'I'm a copy cat.'" Sister looks at him and with appropriate hand motion says, "Poof. You're a copy cat!"

[maynard]

we're at the doctor's office this morning for a level-2 ultrasound for child #3. couldn't get a sitter, so my 3-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son are with us. the nurse must have just told us that it's a boy and was showing us the proof when my daughter turns to my son and says, "you're not allowed to touch my vagina!"

:eek:

:oops:

i'm glad she knows this, but timing is everything!

[SykoChikka]

we're at the doctor's office this morning for a level-2 ultrasound for child #3. couldn't get a sitter, so my 3-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son are with us. the nurse must have just told us that it's a boy and was showing us the proof when my daughter turns to my son and says, "you're not allowed to touch my vagina!"

:eek:

:oops:

i'm glad she knows this, but timing is everything!

:rofl:

[L. Mo]

2yo niece is in potty training. No problems with #1, but apparently not so much with #2. After a recent training session "I'm trying"

(ok, maybe it's not so funny, but my mother thinks it's hilarious YMMV)

[1695814]

5yo was watching American Idol one night. As we were getting her ready for bed she was singing some made-up song. When she finished she asked me in an excited voice, "Dad, am I going to Hollywood?!?!"

[wat?]

My gf's 5yo son loves making up stuff. A lot of the times, he won't know what a word means, so he'll try his best.

So, we're out at the beach, and during a conversation, my gf jokingly tells him he has cooties.

He replies to her, "NOT! You have cooties!"

Me: "Do you know what cooties are?"

Him: "Yeah!" *points at my gf's chest* "Those."

[8down]

Overheard from the next stall over in a public bathroom:

"Daddy... it's poo when it comes out of my bum and it's poop when it comes out of my butt, right?"

:confused:

[1695814]

Overheard from the next stall over in a public bathroom:

"Daddy... it's poo when it comes out of my bum and it's poop when it comes out of my butt, right?"

:confused::ctm:
In case you don't understand & would like some insight...it's a British vs American English thing. The Brits have "poo" & "bums". Americans have "poop" & "butts". Maybe the kid comes from a "mixed" family.

[ACCtuary]

"Why should mommy have to come home for dinner. She works, too"

From my 7 year old boy. An odd statement since he rarely sees or talks to her.

[8down]

In case you don't understand & would like some insight...it's a British vs American English thing. The Brits have "poo" & "bums". Americans have "poop" & "butts". Maybe the kid comes from a "mixed" family.
Thanks!! That finally makes sense. I had the toughest time figuring out what was going on in that kid's head.

[Chubbs]

She stopped, confused, and asked, "We're going to throw our panties at the crocodile?"



Maybe is she was led in a shcool prayer once in a while, she woulnd't have such racey thoughts.:party:

[LoneGirl]

Conversation overheard between two 5 year olds:
First, some background. The little boy's aunt and uncle (both white) had adopted an African American baby. The little boy's mom was pregnant (again, both parents are white). For months the boy had been telling everyone that he was getting a little sister and her name was Emily(which, by the way, was not true - the parents already had a different name picked out). Anyway, the boy was talking to a 5 year old girl and said "Guess what? I'm getting a baby sister, and her name is Emily, and she's going to be brown!" The girl looked at him and said matter-of-factly "You may be getting a sister, and her name may be Emily, but I don't think she's going to be brown!"

[L. Mo]

this happened last weekend. my bro-in-law picks up his 2yo daughter...
"do you have a poopy diaper?"
(my niece nods)..."it's gonna be messy"

it's a good thing she's cute :)

[hotkarl]

Me: What do you want for breakfast ?

2 year old: Lunch.

[Cloister]

Me: What do you want for breakfast ?

2 year old: Lunch.

My 2 year old is the same - every meal or snack is "Lunch".

[JMO]

Not a child, but a person just learning English. . . Had found that medium rare was the thing to ask for when answering the "How do you want that steak cooked?"
So, when asked how he wanted his eggs cooked, of course he said, "Medium rare."

[Jables]

Not a child, but a person just learning English. . . Had found that medium rare was the thing to ask for when answering the "How do you want that steak cooked?"
So, when asked how he wanted his eggs cooked, of course he said, "Medium rare."

My lovingly befuddled asian friend has done pretty much the same thing. Whether or not he's "just learning English" though, is heavily debated.

Also, we went to a Denny's once in college and when the waitress asked how he wanted his eggs, he pointed at a picture on the menu and said "like this".

Me: "Laminated?"

Him: "Yeah, laminated..."

[LoneGirl]

Not a child, but a person just learning English. . . Had found that medium rare was the thing to ask for when answering the "How do you want that steak cooked?"
So, when asked how he wanted his eggs cooked, of course he said, "Medium rare."

My Dad was asked one time at a restaurant how he wanted his steak, and his reply was "cooked". Sad thing is, he's American and has spoken English his entire life.....

[hotkarl]

My 8 year old daughter got this diary thing as part of a book order from the school, and on the first page was an "all about me" type of deal, of which the last line read "Other Distinguishing Features:"

Her Reply: Pick up Dog Poop.

The story my wife got on the way to school was that she didn't know what it meant, and asked her teacher what it meant. The teacher told her it was things that set her apart from other people in her family or class.

[SykoChikka]

:bump:

One time when my cousin and her 3 year-old daughter came to visit me, I was making fun of the way my cousin's kid laughed. She looked at me and she said, ":furious: HEY, DON'T TAKE MY FUNNY".

[L. Mo]

adorable 2-year-old niece sucks her thumb.

"What does your thumb taste like?"
"Pasta!"

[careerchanger]

about a month ago

"Hey, careerchangerjr, Mother's Day is coming soon."

"Yeah!"

"What should we do for Mommy?"

"I don't know."

"What does Mommy like to do?"

"Umm... type on the computer?"

[Levin]

This reads like a Readers Digest. Some of you ought to send them in, could be $$ in it for you.
Parents Magazine also has a couple of features on these lines.

[thtevie]

My daughter is convinced "forgot" is "got-fer". So, she says, "Daddy, you got-fer me something!"

[thtevie]

When we told my son we were thinking about buying a new house, he asked "but how will we carry it home?".
We told my daughter we were going to buy a new house. When we got in the car, she said, "We're going to the house store now?"

[Frenchie]

We told my daughter we were going to buy a new house. When we got in the car, she said, "We're going to the house store now?"

I had gone back home to Atlanta for a visit and we were looking around for things for my mother's new house. We were in the mall and there was a store across the way called "The Home Store" or something like that. I said "Let's go check that place out." My mother and sis-in-law were like "No, they actually sell homes there." :oops:

[Frenchie]

I called MM the other day and she was telling me about Granddaddy's visit. Very seriously she said: "You have to call your daddy more!" so I asked "Why?" Her reply: "Because, he said his children don't call him anymore, so you have to start calling him more!" Talk about heartbreaking!!! I called and fussed at my dad the next day....he laughed...

[Force Majeure]

My kid doesn't say anything yet, but he must have been thinking something evil this morning...

[LoneGirl]

My kid doesn't say anything yet, but he must have been thinking something evil this morning...

You better watch out - it looks like he's plotting something good!

[JMO]

I can't wait to see this picture again in the Captions thread.

[Steve Grondin]

You better watch out - it looks like he's potting something good!
IFYP. At least in my experience this level of baby happiness often results from an extraordinary diaper event. Cute kid, FM:tup: .

[SykoChikka]

I like how the ears of the pet behind the kid look like the kid's own ears on his head. Cute :D

[Frenchie]

I like how the ears of the pet behind the kid look like the kid's own ears on his head. Cute :D

:lol: I hadn't noticed that!

[LoneGirl]

I like how the ears of the pet behind the kid look like the kid's own ears on his head. Cute :D

See, we knew the kid was sinister. He's got devil horns! :)

[_BullDog_]

I called MM the other day and she was telling me about Granddaddy's visit. Very seriously she said: "You have to call your daddy more!" so I asked "Why?" Her reply: "Because, he said his children don't call him anymore, so you have to start calling him more!" Talk about heartbreaking!!! I called and fussed at my dad the next day....he laughed...

Did he thank you for calling more?

[Frenchie]

Did he thank you for calling more?

No, then I asked him about getting the footlocker for MM

[silverfox]

Cute dog Force Majeure.

[careerchanger]

careerchangerette (age ~16 months): uh, uh, uh, uh!

careerchangerjr (age ~4 1/3 years): careerchangerette, stop talking!

[Jables]

I was at the annual Jack-o-lantern Spectacular (http://pawsox.com/events/jack-o-lantern/) in Rhode Island last night, and in addition to tradition carved pumpkins, they have lots of more artistically designed pumpkins like this...
http://pawsox.com/images/jacko3.jpg

And there's baseball themed pumpkins, and pumpkins with designs from each decade and whatnot, and we get to a pumpkin with Karl Marx's face on it
http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/history/virtual/portrait/marx.jpg,

and this little kid behind me says "It's the Lion from the Wizard of Oz!" and after a laugh the parents say "No honey, that's Karl Marx. He's a communist..."

[gomer_tree]

When I was a kid - 4 or 5 - I had a birthday party. As they lit the cake, everyone started singing "Happy Birthday." I cried. Everyone stopped to see what was wrong. I said "I want to do it myself." So they let me sing "Happy Birthday to me," as I was sobbing with tears running down my cheeks.

As for my own kids, too many to count.

[carrot]

As for my own kids, too many to count.How do you know when one is missing?

[gomer_tree]

As for my own kids, too many to count.How do you know when one is missing?

I look at the decibel meter. If it's below 90, then at least one is missing.

[1695814]

I took my four year old to her first live-basketball game. It was a high school game...just regular season...nothing special.

We're talking about the game and she asks (somewhat excitedly) "And at the end...does the winner get a trophy?"

We were cheering for the dark-colored-uniformed team. The opponent, of course, was a white-colored-uniformed team. Later on, she came up with a great idea for playing defense. "We should build blocks around the white team, and cover their basket so the ball can't go through."

It's funnier/cuter when you hear her say it than I can convey here. :shrug:

[Roto]

My 6-year old has invented a new word. I've never seen it spelled, so I'm not sure on the spelling... it's goyle or goil, I think.

Anyhow, it refers to a male who sounds like a female when singing. She thinks "five for fighting" and "Jackson five" are goyles.

[hotkarl]

My three year old told me while I was pretending to sleep on top of him.."Dad, this is not a pillow. This is a Big Boy."

[Loner]

I can;t believe I'm posting to this thread. Somebody shoot me now, but...
A friend was visiting a buddy who had a six year old son. The kid had a bunch of ribbons for swimming, most of whihc read "Participant."
My friend said, "Wow, you've sure got a lot of swimming ribbons."
The kid said, "Yeeeah, 'Participant' is what they give you when you finish last."

[LoneGirl]

My 21 month old niece was playing with blocks that had pictures of animals on them last night. We would point to an animal and ask her to name it; we pointed to the lion and she says "lion!". Next we pointed to the elephant and she says "ewaphant!", Next was the zebra, and she says "zebwah!" Finally, we point to the deer and she says "caribou!". Caribou?! How many not-quite-two year olds are familiar with caribou? Her parents were shocked too and said they've never taught her that word.

[Roto]

Finally, we point to the deer and she says "caribou!". Caribou?! How many not-quite-two year olds are familiar with caribou? Her parents were shocked too and said they've never taught her that word.

It's an epidemic...

http://www.actuarialoutpost.com/actuarial_discussion_forum/showpost.php?p=1249940&postcount=21

I blame the coffeehouse chain. Starbucks is a bazillion times better though. :)

[LoneGirl]

It's an epidemic...

http://www.actuarialoutpost.com/actuarial_discussion_forum/showpost.php?p=1249940&postcount=21

I blame the coffeehouse chain. Starbucks is a bazillion times better though. :)

That's funny! Hmm, maybe the day care is taking the kids on field trips to Caribou Coffee...... :)

[JMO]

That's funny! Hmm, maybe the day care is taking the kids on field trips to Caribou Coffee...... :)
More likely, the kid saw tv ads.

[The Drunken Actuary]

I've never been in this thread before. Here's a conversation I had with a hot Hooters watiress last week.

"Would you like a beer"
"Yes, I'll have a Sam Adams"
"Do you want a bottle or draft?"
"I'll take a draft"
"We only have bottles"
:rolleyes:

Is that the right kind of babe?

[1695814]

My 21 month old niece was playing with blocks that had pictures of animals on them last night. We would point to an animal and ask her to name it; we pointed to the lion and she says "lion!". Next we pointed to the elephant and she says "ewaphant!", Next was the zebra, and she says "zebwah!" Finally, we point to the deer and she says "caribou!". Caribou?! How many not-quite-two year olds are familiar with caribou? Her parents were shocked too and said they've never taught her that word.One time we were in a shopping mall with the kid...she was 2 or 3 at the time. Anyway, we're walking up behind a stand-alone caribou coffe shop. The back of the store shows only the Caribou Coffee logo and the daughter yells out "COFFEE!!!". :joe:

[Jables]

I've never been in this thread before. Here's a conversation I had with a hot Hooters watiress last week.

"Would you like a beer"
"Yes, I'll have a Sam Adams"
"Do you want a bottle or draft?"
"I'll take a draft"
"We only have bottles"
:rolleyes:

Is that the right kind of babe?
You've mentioned it now and again over the past few years... has Sam Adams replaced Becks in your diet? :D

[working girl]

I found out from my 3 year old today that crocodiles like to eat monkeys because they are made of sugar. (we've been reading 5 Little Monkeys lately). Did you also know that sugar is YUMMY?

[Roto]

This happened just about 5 minutes ago,

:black eyed peas shuffle onto SoundDock:

"la-la-la- let's get retarded....
la-la-la let's get retarded....
.
.
.
Daddy, what does retarded mean?"

:gulp:

[The Drunken Actuary]

You've mentioned it now and again over the past few years... has Sam Adams replaced Becks in your diet? :D
At has at Hooters since I know better than to even ask if they have Beck's. Here are some honest responses I've gotten:

"what, Labatts"
"One Labatts"
"What?"
"Huh?"
and my personal favorite: "No but we have Corona"

[working girl]

I found out from my 3 year old today that crocodiles like to eat monkeys because they are made of sugar. (we've been reading 5 Little Monkeys lately). Did you also know that sugar is YUMMY?

Forgot to add ~ I asked my kid if he wanted to eat a monkey because they are made of sugar, and he said no because they taste like eggs.

[LoneGirl]

I also discovered this weekend that my niece has trouble saying the name of her cousin, Jessica. So she lovingly calls her "caca". Fortunately Jessica is only a year old, so she's not aware that she should be offended by it.

[Roto]

I brought home a babysitter the other day. She was on the competition cheerleading squad at a local high school. She was telling us about how they performed at nationals, and explained how this really awesome squad from Alabama won the title. My daughter's first question was, "Were they rednecks?"

I am to blame for this one. She picked the state of AL to research 1 fact about for her Kindergarten class some time back. Being the politically correct and sensitive dad that I am, I told her to tell her class that there were a lot of rednecks there.

[Kaia]

:rofl: What was the girl's reaction?

[Pills]

We brought my daughter to a local day camp this weekend for the tour. Very nice people, and she only wanted to play, so we signed her up. She's going into kindergarten next year.

Yesterday, we were visiting my parents. My mother asked her what she was doing this summer. In a very excited voice, my daughter said -

"I'm going to college!"

[LoneGirl]

I fixed dinner for my niece the other day and made sure to have some of her favorite foods: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, macaroni and cheese, and a mandarin oranges fruit cup. When her mom asked her what I gave her for dinner, my niece said "grapes". I reassured her that I did not just feed her daughter grapes! This behavior seems to run in the family though - my mom loves to tell the story of how she had to go out of town when I was little, and my dad fixed me french bread pizza and salad for dinner. The neighbor, who knew my mom was out of town, asked me what my dad fixed me for dinner. I said "bread and lettuce".

[silverfox]

My parents like the story where me and my brothers convinced my grandmother that it was normal for us to eat cup noodle for dinner.

[LossLimit]

My 2 year old loves going to the Doctor, this doctor doesn't even give out stickers or smile much at the kids, I don't get it. She'll pull up her pant leg and say, "I have a scwatch I need to show it to the docta".

She's been wearing tights under her pants all winter, the other day was a bit warm out so I took off the tights. We were standing outside when she pulled up her pant leg and announced in a megaphone voice, "Look no cloths!"

[Chief Petosky]

Blame it on the liberal media?? :wink:
Before a game of Risk II on the computer, I told my 9-yr old son that I was ready to achieve total global domination. A little later, having the game well in hand, he informed me that he was the one that was going to achieve global warming.

I wish they had a video camera on this one.
My wife and her mother had our* identical twin 5-yr. old girls in separate shopping carts in a party/liquor outlet store. They were in the party supply aisles when my MIL took one daughter, "Elle", one aisle over from the other daughter, "Em", and mom. Well, Elle keeps looking between the shelves, waving to her sister and saying, "Hi Em ... Hi Em ... Hi Em." But Em wasn't saying anything back. My MIL finally realizes what Elle is doing and looks between the shelves to see ... mirrored walls between the aisles. So, Em is all excited at seeing "her sister" and wondering why she's getting no verbal response.


* My wife's and mine (to deter the expected response)

[1695814]

I wish they had a video camera on this one.
My wife and her mother had our* identical twin 5-yr. old girls in separate shopping carts in a party/liquor outlet store. They were in the party supply aisles when my MIL took one daughter, "Elle", one aisle over from the other daughter, "Em", and mom. Well, Elle keeps looking between the shelves, waving to her sister and saying, "Hi Em ... Hi Em ... Hi Em." But Em wasn't saying anything back. My MIL finally realizes what Elle is doing and looks between the shelves to see ... mirrored walls between the aisles. So, Em is all excited at seeing "her sister" and wondering why she's getting no verbal response.Even the twins can't tell themselves apart ;-)

[Lois Lane]

I wish they had a video camera on this one.
My wife and her mother had our* identical twin 5-yr. old girls in separate shopping carts in a party/liquor outlet store. They were in the party supply aisles when my MIL took one daughter, "Elle", one aisle over from the other daughter, "Em", and mom. Well, Elle keeps looking between the shelves, waving to her sister and saying, "Hi Em ... Hi Em ... Hi Em." But Em wasn't saying anything back. My MIL finally realizes what Elle is doing and looks between the shelves to see ... mirrored walls between the aisles. So, Em is all excited at seeing "her sister" and wondering why she's getting no verbal response.
wish i could've seen that. that's entertainment!:popcorn:

[Roto]

Rosie: When I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had Intercourse with 8 men. That was a lot back then. That would be like 200 today.





Daddy, What's Intercourse?

[Roto]

I've heard sardines help with male fertility, so I was trying to stomach some. After watching me almost vomit, while forcing down these disgusting creatures, the girl says, "Daddy, WHY are you eating those?"

I said, "Well, I read that if guys eat them, sometimes their wives have babies.".

She replies... "Keep eating them bro!!! Just make sure you rinse and spit afterwards".

[1695814]

My 6yo had a mild scrape on her knee that needed tending to, so I was looking for the Neosporin. Mind you, I have great difficulty finding things in our medicine cabinet. After much searching and repeating of the word "Neosporin" I finally found it. I show it to her and say, "Ah, here it is!"

She replies, "Oh! Knee-o-sporin!! I thought you were looking for Butt-o-sporin!!!"

She's such a card.:ht:

[Kid Notorious]

My sister has two boys ages 10 and 8. The 10 y/o has been taking violin lessons for almost two years now, but the 8 y/o wants nothing to do with any of that. Give him a football, and he's good to go.

Well, the 10 y/o received an invitation through his instructor to watch Joshua Bell's private rehearsal as he was passing through their town a couple weeks ago. Joshua Bell is supposed to be a great violinist, and he owns the 1713 Gibson Stradivarius, which is valued at more than $4 million.

So my sister was getting her 10 y/o ready to go to the show, but her husband wasn't home yet, so she had to drag her 8 y/o along with them. They got to the auditorium -- it was a very intimate setting... they were sitting maybe 10 feet away from Joshua Bell and his $4 million violin.

Joshua began playing, and he didn't get through more than five notes before the 8 y/o leaned over to his mom and said, "What is this, Gay Symphony #4?" The man sitting on the other side of my sister lost it... by "lost it," I mean, bust out laughing, and could barely control himself.

Yeah, I know it's terrible that an 8 y/o said something like this, but the fact that an 8 y/o did say it... it's frickin hilarious. I told some friends of mine who have been playing violin for many years -- I wasn't sure how they'd receive it, cuz, come on, it's terrible, but they all said the same thing: "Oh, GOOD!! That Joshua Bell needs to be knocked off his high-horse! Slinging his mommy & daddy's money around so he could buy that violin. And he's not even as good as they talk him up to be, either. I want to shake your nephew's hand!"

[Kid Notorious]

btw, 1695814, very cute... butt-o-sporin. :ctm:

[Kaia]

I've heard sardines help with male fertility, so I was trying to stomach some. After watching me almost vomit, while forcing down these disgusting creatures, the girl says, "Daddy, WHY are you eating those?"

I said, "Well, I read that if guys eat them, sometimes their wives have babies.".

She replies... "Keep eating them bro!!! Just make sure you rinse and spit afterwards".

:lol: She calls you bro?? Awesome :tup:

[foghorn]

From my daughter (Okay, she's a teenager, but she's my baby girl.):

She's getting taller, maybe slightly above average for women now, but she's sprung up recently and is taller than nearly all female friends or family members.

So she hears this a lot, "wow you're getting tall, do you play basketball?"

and her response to the more vertically challenged, "yes I do, do you play miniature golf?"

She's smiles when she says it, so that reduces the smarty pants aspect a little.

[Frenchie]

From my daughter (Okay, she's a teenager, but she's my baby girl.):

She's getting taller, maybe slightly above average for women now, but she's sprung up recently and is taller than nearly all female friends or family members.

So she hears this a lot, "wow you're getting tall, do you play basketball?"

and her response to the more vertically challenged, "yes I do, do you play miniature golf?"

She's smiles when she says it, so that reduces the smarty pants aspect a little.


Oooh, she and I would have to fight! ;)

[foghorn]

Oooh, she and I would have to fight! ;)


I'm guessing she could take you.

[Frenchie]

I'm guessing she could take you.

All she'd have to do is step on me! :lol:

[Roto]

:lol: She calls you bro?? Awesome :tup:

Not regularly, but yeah... also frequently refers to me as 'boy'.

[WrestleManiac]

From a 3 and half year old wiping his tounge with his hand: "Daddy's deoderant smells good....but it doesn't taste good."

[LoneGirl]

My cousin asked her kids if they wanted to go play miniature golf the other night. Her 7 year old son asked "Will it affect my baseball swing?" :lol:
Apparently he's learned a thing or two from his sports-crazed father!

[hotkarl]

We got a note home yesterday stating that my 3.5 year old isn't allowed to ask his female classmates to "Work it, little mama" during dance time. Being that the wife listens to crap dance music, I assume this is where he learned it.

[yanz]

We got a note home yesterday stating that my 3.5 year old isn't allowed to ask his female classmates to "Work it, little mama" during dance time. Being that the wife listens to crap dance music, I assume this is where he learned it.

:rofl:

[Kaia]

hk - :notworth: That is priceless. Be sure to save the note to show him when he's older. That's freakin hysterical. I would love to hear a toddler say that.

[CindyLou Who]

We got a note home yesterday stating that my 3.5 year old isn't allowed to ask his female classmates to "Work it, little mama" during dance time. Being that the wife listens to crap dance music, I assume this is where he learned it.

Unfortunately, when my daughter was about 4 or 5, she would shake her butt while listening to a song and say she was shakin' her booty. Not sure where she got that, but luckily she quit doing it.

[Rockhound]

Unfortunately, when my daughter was about 4 or 5, she would shake her butt while listening to a song and say she was shakin' her booty. Not sure where she got that, but luckily she quit doing it.

Don't worry, she'll start again.

[foghorn]

This is not my kid, but it is a friend of ours. My wife received this email this morning:

hey,
I just had to share the poem my kindergartener wrote for me for Mother's Day. I just love how you see yourself one way and those you love see you in such a different light.

By Andrew
Mom
Wolmart, Tasting Plas
Shoping, Cooking, Reading
She takes care of my sister
Mom

it is illustrated with a beautiful picture of Walmart

I thought "oh, sweet irony, how I thought I was too good for Wal~mart in my youth and now I am defined by it." There really is not much glamour in this motherhood gig. I remember when Chandler was in K and he was asked what makes your mom special, and he said (no not tennis, gymnastics, art lessons, science camp, museums, trips, camping) but my mom lets me watch TV. When asked what my favorite thing was his reply was to tan.... another high point was when Chandler was asked when he was in K what he was thankful for he listed teachers, brother, dad, various other things including gravel but not me, and I asked him in the parking lot did you forget mommy? I see you have gravel, did you forget me and he looked at me and said in all serious, gee mommy, I really like gravel... and my friend who overheard said you HAD to ask, you couldn't just let it go, you had to ask.. (they had just shoveled gravel for our yard with their dad the weekend before..) Enough of me and my accolades I hope you all are doing well, take care,

[SamTheEagle]

gee mommy, I really like gravel...

:lol:

[LoneGirl]

My sister-in-law was in line at the grocery store the other day, when her 2 year old turns to the lady in line behind them and says "wait your turn!". Sis-in-law was mortified, and apparently my niece has done this more than once. :lol: I think maybe I'll borrow my niece next time I go shopping - my pet peeve is people who crowd you in line and try to put their stuff on the counter before you're even out of the way!

[JMO]

gee mommy, I really like gravel...

:lol:

Take it to the new sig line thread, please. ;)

[Lois Lane]

my 2 y.o. is at this stage where she assigns ownership to everying. "this mine," "this mommy's," etc. she's at my folks' house, where there are pics of hindu dieties on the wall. she points to one and says, "this is my god." then points to another and says, "this is grandpa's god."

it's funny when a toddler says it. not so funny when a political leader does.

[Pills]

They had a Mother's Day tea at my daughter's pre-K class a few days ago. They asked the kids why they loved their moms. My daughter's response?

"She lets me go to pbskids.org!"

[1695814]

I was playing CANDYLAND with my 5 year old. In the first game she went first, and ended up winning.

For the second game she claimed to want to go first again, but I said that I would instead. I wanted to go fill up my glass with water, so in the meantime, she was "shuffling" the deck and getting it ready. By the time I got back to the table my wife, her mother, was ready to join us, so we added a third player.

Daughter then announced that the order will be Dad, Daughter, then Mom. Well, that meant that we'd be going counter-clockwise, so I said, "You know what, Daugther? You can go first." (Thinking that she would think this is a great idea and that I'd be nominated once again for Dad of the Year.) Well, she very calmly & innocently said, "No, Daddy, you go first."

Okay, whatever. I'll deal with it.

So, I pick my card from the stack & get the color corresponding to the very first square. Huh...that sucks. Daughter goes next, and, what do you know, gets the "Ice cream cone" which, in this version is the last "location" square before the end. It took me only a few seconds to realize that she stacked the deck. :shake: :lol: It was a mix of disappointment in that she tried to cheat and "pride" that she was clever enough to think of a way to do it.

---

And here's the "out of the mouths of babes" part. When playing, if one player is closely behind another she'll mean to say "I'm hot on your tail!" or "You're hot on my tail!" but instead will say, "I'm on your hot tail!" or "You're on my hot tail!" :shrug:

[Gentle Giant]

My boy is still learning to talk (21 months old). At one point he was being a nuisance (in an amusing way), and Mom asked him, "Are you a troublemaker?" His response: "Daba-monkey!" So now his favorite word is "daba-monkey", 'cause that's what he is.

[hotkarl]

Earlier this evening, the boy brings over a piece of paper he had been writing on and says "Look dad...A...1...3...X" pointing to how he writes his name...

[Browncoat]

When my brother was 3, he was "reading" his book about Jesus to his 2yo sister. Mom was so impressed that he had memorized all the words and when to turn the pages. Then he turned to one page, looked at the picture and couldn't remember what the words were on that page. So he paused, thinking, and said, "Then Jesus said in his great *big* voice, 'Someone's been eating *my* porridge'."

[JMO Fan]

En route to school, our 13 yr old son announced non-sequiturally from the back of the van:

antidisestablishmentarianism has four more letters than "Hi, my name is Bob, what's yours?" :rofl:

[1695814]

The usual routine for bedtime is to spend a few minutes with each child & then give a kiss & hug.

5 year old, at the end of "snuggling" time, says, "It's okay, dad, I don't have to kiss you. You know that I love you."

[Lois Lane]

When my brother was 3, he was "reading" his book about Jesus to his 2yo sister. Mom was so impressed that he had memorized all the words and when to turn the pages. Then he turned to one page, looked at the picture and couldn't remember what the words were on that page. So he paused, thinking, and said, "Then Jesus said in his great *big* voice, 'Someone's been eating *my* porridge'."that's so funny! your kid is too creative to go into actuarial science ;)

[1695814]

The kids wanted to learn how to play Solitaire (Klondike), so I showed them how via computer. I set it to the "flip one card over at a time & go through the deck as many times as you want"-mode.

My five year old managed to "reveal" all of the cards so that the only thing left was to move them to the foundations. Around that time she exclaimed in a very excited voice, "I'm killing this baby!"

(It's difficult to accurately portray her excitement & voice inflection over the internet.)

[Browncoat]

that's so funny! your kid is too creative to go into actuarial science



Well, again, it was my brother, not *my* kid. As it is, he is one of the other actuaries in the family (the third being my sis-in-law).

[Gentle Giant]

This happened about 3 weeks ago:

My wife decided to bring our 21-month-old son to work for lunch, as my employer has a cafeteria. At one point I took him over to the table where the rest of my department had gathered, intending, as many of us do, to show off his undeniable cuteness. One of my coworkers happens to use a wheelchair. (He and others at the table lurk here, actually.) Our son immediately noticed, pointed and excitedly exclaimed, "Motorcycle! Vroom Vroom!"

[Maine-iac]

Cute! :)

I once went to a Halloween Party where a girl who attended who uses a wheelchair came as a Porsche.

[1695814]

The kids are off to vacation bible school this week, so before leaving for work I say, "Have fun at VBS!" 5 year old, who likes to joke around about these sorts or things & pretend that she heard something that she didn't, replies, "VBS! not PBS!!!"

[JAS]

A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend with a 3 year old. He wanted to go outside and mom said no. He throws himself onto the floor and starts crying. So mom says, "Jack, you have a choice to make. You can continue crying in your room or you can quit and eat lunch with us."

So he quits crying, stands up, and says, "Mom, can we all go outside?"
Mom: "After lunch we can."
Jack (thinking for a minute): "Mom, that's a bad choice."

[LoneGirl]

My 2 year old niece, who is in the midst of potty-training, came out of the restroom at Steak & Shake the other day and proudly (and very loudly) announced to the entire restaurant "I pooped all by myself!". She also told me the other day that she played outside and "I had to potty but I was too late. I didn't make it, I peed on the grass. Mommy didn't like it."

[L. Mo]

my niece is 3 1/2. my sister is learning that she hearing and absorbing everything mommy says. last week, niece pulled all of her baby sister's clothes out of the drawer. b-i-l tells her she needs to put them back the way she found them.
"I can't"
"Yes you can, I'll watch" (and b-i-l sits on the bed ~6 feet away)
"you know, your sitting over there doesn't help me very much." :D

[1695814]

5 year old & I were taking about numbers and people or something and she estimated that there were a thousand people in the world. I informed her that there were actually billions of people, and that, in fact, China (a country that her uncle will soon be visiting) alone has over a billion people. She replied, "Whoa! That's a lot of traffic!!!"

[Lois Lane]

clark and toddler's conversation last night

clark:
do you know where your BRAIN is?
<pointing to his head> it's in your head.
do you know where mommy's brain is?

toddler:
<pointing to lois's butt> it's in her boom-boom.

[Kaia]

An e-mail from my friend:

i'll leave you with maddy's latest funny quote. last night before dinner, she volunteered to pray:

Dear God,

Thank you for Chuck E. Cheese's.

Amen.

[LoneGirl]

Overheard this at work: the woman's dog died and so her 7 year old wanted to write a letter to bury with the dog. The letter said "I'm sad you died. Even though you weren't very nice to me and you always hid under the bed and you liked mommy more than me. But I guess you needed love too."

[LoneGirl]

My mom was going to take my niece to daycare, and she's never taken her before.

Mom: "How will I know where your school is?"
Niece: "It has a crocodile on it."
Mom: "Ooh....a crocodile?!"
Niece: "It's okay. It's not real."

[Gentle Giant]

Took my two-year-old on a walk down our street one Saturday morning recently. He noticed the moon in the sky (waning gibbous) and pointed it out. "Moon... Moon." Nothing unusual about that.

At one point, he breaks into a sprint and we get three or four houses further down. He looks back to where he saw the moon before and looks perplexed. Then he looks over the house we're currently in front of and sees it. He then says, "Another moon?"

------
I told a friend about this, and it reminded him of the time he was around pre-school age and witnessed a three-yr-old girl literally freak out because she thought the moon was following her. :yikes:

[Lois Lane]

i was reading "Olivia" to my preschooler at bedtime. there's a part where Olivia's mom takes her to an art museum. i pointed to the Jackson Pollack painting in the book and asked, "who made that picture?"

she replied, "uhhh... Jack... uhhh... Jack and Jill!"

[JAS]

My 3 year old nephew's response when my brother told him he was leaving again to go back to visit grandpa in the hospital.

"Didn't you give him my card?" (My nephew had made grandpa a 'Get Well Soon' card and thought that should have done the trick.)



A few days later, grandpa is transfered out of ICU so my nephew gets to visit. He walks in, looks around the room, "Where's my card?" Grandma explains that we just transfered rooms and she hadn't had a chance to put it up yet, takes it out of her purse and gives it to my nephew and asks if he wants to give it grandpa himself. Nephew takes card, goes over to grandpa (grandpa is really drugged up and not really aware of much) puts the card in his hand and says, "Don't let grandma take this away again. It will make you better."

[Alto Reed on a Tenor Sax]

An e-mail from my friend:

Our eight year old said our prayer at dinner the other night. She ended with:


..and bless all of this family, and please help all of us, but especially Andy and Alice [her little brother and sister, ages 3 and 1, respectively] have a very long rest of their life. Amen

:lol: I guess she figured it was too late for old mommy and daddy!

[Gentle Giant]

My 25-mo-old son walked into our bedroom while I wasn't quite dressed yesterday morning. He noticed that my robe was hanging open and, mimicking my wife, said, "Oh, c(l)ose da b(l)inds!"

[hotkarl]

The preschool had what they call their "annual standard campaign against potty humor"...I found out this weekend at the grocery when an older gentleman shopping had a rather loud "disturbance" and my three year old announced "Dad. I'm not laughing at farts. I am sad at farts. "

[hotkarl]

Yesterday at a birthday party, the pinata had a picture of Barbie on each side. One of the kids yelled to the one hitting the pinata "Her her in the face", followed by the 4 year-old brithday girl screaming "Poke her in the boobies!"

[LoneGirl]

My cousin's 4 year old daughter insists on ordering for herself whenever they go out to a restaurant. So the other day they were out to dinner and she says "I'll have chicken nuggets, rice, and a poon." (Poon being a spoon). She then says "oh, and a Diet Pepsi". I just found this amusing because how many 4 year olds would order a "diet" anything? :lol:

[Browncoat]

I was watching quality programming (New Yankee Workshop with Norm Abram) with my toddlers, 4.5 and 3.5. If you can follow who said what, it reads like a Bugs Bunny cartoon at the end.

1: He's awesome!
2: He's cool!
1: No, awesome.
2: No, cool.
1: Awesome!
2: Cool!

[Norm does something else.]

2: Wow. Awesome!
1: [pause, then cooly:] That's cool.


We sure thought it was funny.

[Gentle Giant]

My cousin's 4 year old daughter insists on ordering for herself whenever they go out to a restaurant. So the other day they were out to dinner and she says "I'll have chicken nuggets, rice, and a poon." (Poon being a spoon). She then says "oh, and a Diet Pepsi". I just found this amusing because how many 4 year olds would order a "diet" anything? :lol:I see... so high fructose corn syrup is off limits, but it's perfectly OK to give a 4yo caffeine?

(Does your cousin *want* to be bothered with twice as many trips to the potty?)

Though according to at least one article (http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/food/general/caffeine.html), once a day is "acceptable"....

(Sorry, don't want to derail the thread...)

[Bamafan]

Last Sunday, on the way to the airport, we were listening to the classic rock station. The song "Hard Habit to Break" comes on. My wife and I are trying to decide whose song it is.

Me: "Is this Peter Cetera or Chicago?"

Wife: "I think it's Chicago."

Son (5): "It's not Chicago. It's a rock band, I think."


We laughed and laughed.

[That Goblin]

So apparently I was supposed to be a girl. Everyone expected me to be a girl. So the first things out of my 2 year old sister's mouth when she saw me in the hospital was "Look grandpa, she has a penis!"

[Frenchie]

I don't know whether to be ashamed, shocked, upset, amused, or what about this one:

This weekend, we took our GS troop camping. Many of the girls wore Crocs (ugh! WHY????), particularly around the campfire. Well, those that wore them had feet that looked like they had been painted black. They were just filthy. So, Saturday evening, the girls were going on a Night Eyes hike. MM and another girl in my troop (we camped with another troop) didn't want to go. I volunteered to stay behind with them (I'm afraid of the dark...seriously! :lol: :oops:) so I told them to go get showered. MM proceeds to remove her Croc and says "Yeah, I really need to shower. I have feet like a slave!" :yikes:

I turned and looked at my co-leader and it took every ounce of strength not to crack up. She just looked at me said "She's your daughter!"

:shake:

Can I get more emoticons into this post???

[LoneGirl]

I see... so high fructose corn syrup is off limits, but it's perfectly OK to give a 4yo caffeine?

(Does your cousin *want* to be bothered with twice as many trips to the potty?)

Though according to at least one article (http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/food/general/caffeine.html), once a day is "acceptable"....

(Sorry, don't want to derail the thread...)

I think you're missing the point. I didn't say that my cousin regularly gives her daughter pop, diet or otherwise. I think she just ordered a Diet Pepsi because that's what she hears her mom order all the time.

[Lois Lane]

I see... so high fructose corn syrup is off limits, but it's perfectly OK to give a 4yo caffeine?

(Does your cousin *want* to be bothered with twice as many trips to the potty?)

Though according to at least one article (http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/food/general/caffeine.html), once a day is "acceptable"....

(Sorry, don't want to derail the thread...)seriously, GG? :shake:

[Lois Lane]

I don't know whether to be ashamed, shocked, upset, amused, or what about this one:

This weekend, we took our GS troop camping. Many of the girls wore Crocs (ugh! WHY????), particularly around the campfire. Well, those that wore them had feet that looked like they had been painted black. They were just filthy. So, Saturday evening, the girls were going on a Night Eyes hike. MM and another girl in my troop (we camped with another troop) didn't want to go. I volunteered to stay behind with them (I'm afraid of the dark...seriously! :lol: :oops:) so I told them to go get showered. MM proceeds to remove her Croc and says "Yeah, I really need to shower. I have feet like a slave!" :yikes:

I turned and looked at my co-leader and it took every ounce of strength not to crack up. She just looked at me said "She's your daughter!"

:shake:

Can I get more emoticons into this post???frenchie, your kid seems to have inherited your sense of humor ;)

your daughter is part-African American, right? if she's not, the story takes on a whole different meaning.

[Frenchie]

frenchie, your kid seems to have inherited your sense of humor ;)

your daughter is part-African American, right? if she's not, the story takes on a whole different meaning.

Yes, she's mostly Black. BF thinks my mother may have made a similar comment around her and that's where she got it from. Either way, just wasn't what anyone was expecting to come out of her mouth! :lol:

[JMO]

I think you're missing the point. I didn't say that my cousin regularly gives her daughter pop, diet or otherwise. I think she just ordered a Diet Pepsi because that's what she hears her mom order all the time.
That's what I figured. ;)

[1695814]

My seven year old's teacher is "Miss Case".

I was talking to my five year old. The 7yo was also in the room.

To keep a long story short, I said to 5yo, ":blah: just in case :blah:".

About five seconds later, 7yo retorts (knowing full well that she's making a joke) "Dad, what'd you say about Miss Case?"

Perhaps more funny to me than it is to you, but I had to share it or my head would explode, and you wouldn't want that on your conscience now would you?

[Pills]

The Diet Pepsi one reminded me of this.

When my 5 year old was 2, she and mommy went to the library.

My wife tells me that this was the conversation as they left the car.

"Who does little Pillsette love?"
"Mommy!"
"And who does mommy love?"
"Diet Coke!"

My wife had no idea what to make of it until I got home, and told my wife that I had told my daughter the previous week that we were buying Diet Coke because mommy really liked it.

[careerchanger]

careerchangerjr ( age 5 ) to careerchangerette ( age 2 ) : What's 2 million plus 2 million?

-ette: { something that sounds like "million" }

-jr: Did you say 4 million?

-ette: Yes.

-jr: What's 4 million plus 4 million?

-ette: { million }

-jr: Did you say 8 million?

-ette: Yes.

-jr: What's 8 million plus 8 million?

-ette: { million }

-jr: ( to me ) Did she get it right?

[Actuary321]

frenchie, your kid seems to have inherited your sense of humor ;)

your daughter is part-African American, right? if she's not, the story takes on a whole different meaning.Seriously? So would it also have been OK for her to say she had n***** feet cause she is part-African American?

[Gentle Giant]

seriously, GG? :shake:I just overreacted. :shrug: Caffeine + children is a pet peeve of mine, and I clearly misunderstood the post.

[Lois Lane]

Seriously? So would it also have been OK for her to say she had n***** feet cause she is part-African American?she said "slave", not the n-word.

i'm not sure whether it is acceptable for a black person to compare himself to a slave. but if a non-black person did it, yeah, i'm pretty sure that would have sounded offensive. the same rules go for a lot of minority races and religions. i don't make the double standards; i just observe them.

[Pills]

We were eating dinner tonight, and my wife says that while little Pillsette (5) was in karate, baby Pillsette (1 last week) took 5 steps by herself without holding on.

Little Pillsette looks at her sister and coos "Aww, my sweet little baby is turning into a toddler!"

[hotkarl]

Our daughter came home today and announced, "Mom, I got straight A's except for 3 B's"

[LoneGirl]

I was at a cookout and overheard this conversation between two 5 year old boys that made me laugh:

Boy #1: Hey, remember when I said you could come over to my house to play?
Boy #2: Don't EVEN tell me you changed your mind!
Boy #1: I was GOING to say I have a cool arts and crafts thing, and we could make wooden spatulas!!!

Then later on.....

Boy #1 to Boy #2: Hey, do you know what reinforced steel is? It means it's invincible!

[JAS]

When watching the end of a half marathon this weekend, I overheard a little girl yell this to the 5th and 6th place women that were racing each other at the end.

"Oh hurry, hurry - only 1 of you is going to get a pie."

[Gentle Giant]

Boy #1: I was GOING to say I have a cool arts and crafts thing, and we could make wooden spatulas!!!Wow, so THAT's what the "cool" kids are doing these days.

[hotkarl]

Conversation in the back of the car this weekend between 10-year old and friend:

Daughter: Those mountains are where indians used to live
Friend: Yeah I know, they lived in the caves
Daughter: that was a long time ago though
Friend: Back in the 90's ?
Daughter: no, way before that. The 50's, I think

[Kaia]

A mom and her 2 young daughters are having dinner. I'm terrible at guessing kids ages. But I'd estimate the girl that said this was about 4:

Girl: Mom, how do you break up with a boyfriend?
Mom: What?!?!....You don't have a boyfriend.
Girl: Yes I do. And he tells me he loves me.
Mom: You are gonna give your father a heart attack!

Kids rock.

[1695814]

My hair is pretty thin on top & is currently getting a little long in back.

Seven year old says to me, "Dad, your hair is getting really long. Too bad that you can't take it from here (the back) and put it up here (the top)"

:shrug:

[1695814]

While tucking the five year old into bed she exclaims, "Tomorrow, here I come!"

[Browncoat]

My 2yo walks in to our bedroom early one morning while Mom and I are cuddling and is saying something over and over. Not panicky, just repetitive. Mrs Browncoat says to me, "Is she saying, 'Come on'?"

Before I could answer, said 2yo says, in perfectly understandable English, "I don't know."

So, she can talk, she just has no idea what she's saying. The laughter that ensued was an excellent way to shake the cobwebs off. I should wake up every morning laughing that hard.

[Alto Reed on a Tenor Sax]

While tucking the five year old into bed she exclaims, "Tomorrow, here I come!"

Uh oh. You better watch out, sounds like she means business.

[LoneGirl]

I was out to dinner this weekend with my mom and my nieces. A lady who knows my mom stopped by our table to say hi, and she talked to my 2 year old niece. My niece was very talkative (she's usually really shy around strangers), and she just talked non-stop to this lady. As the lady left, my niece yells "bye!" and then turns to my mom and says loudly "so, who was that?!"

[udjw828]

We were out to dinner last night...the waitress brings our drinks and was turning to head to another table when my 4 year old says "Excuse me...could you please bring some lemons when you come back?" The waitress was so shocked, she looked at my wife and I like "Did she really just politely ask for lemons?"...

[1695814]

Uh oh. You better watch out, sounds like she means business.At least she didn't exclaim, "I don't want to lose this deal!!!"

[punmanbowler]

My son and I were at a pumpkin patch playing on a small mini golf course in the playground area. While waiting for our turn on the last hole, the family in front of us featured a father almost forcefully showing his son how to put (about 5 or so). My four year old son says (loud enough for the man to hear) "He's not very nice is he?"

The man replies, "Well, he (his son) isn't very good"

[Samantha]

We were out to dinner last night...the waitress brings our drinks and was turning to head to another table when my 4 year old says "Excuse me...could you please bring some lemons when you come back?" The waitress was so shocked, she looked at my wife and I like "Did she really just politely ask for lemons?"...

It's unfortunate just how shocking such a thing is (I'm getting old :oops: )

[Gentle Giant]

Son was just playing the other day, having a fairly typical stream-of-consciousness conversation with himself. At one point, he says, "On the toilet."

Mom perks up and asks, "What?"

Son replies, "On the toilet. Eating her curds and whey."

[udjw828]

It's unfortunate just how shocking such a thing is (I'm getting old :oops: )

We weren't shocked, since this is what we've been trying so hard to teach her...both manners and confidence!

[Browncoat]

We weren't shocked, since this is what we've been trying so hard to teach her...both manners and confidence!

Well, kudos to you! I have seen results that good yet. I was impressed with my 4yo the other night--we were expecting a young couple to drop off a dresser. They pulled up our driveway and got out. I shook the guy's hand and introduced myself. Then my 4yo stuck out his hand and introduced himself! He's never done that before, despite my efforts. You go, boy.

[Diminutive]

The diminutive one, now three, likes to make up her own stories. This one she started based on some Halloween clings we got for the house.

"Three little pumpkins sitting in a row. Along comes the Vampire and he bites the pumpkin. STOP! That's not nice behaviour Vampire..."
and the story continues to incorporate the ghosts and bats.


Our six year old neighbour confided in his Mom that he thinks Diminutive is the cutest girl on the street. :lol: He's been known to share granola bars or juicesicles on our front step with her. Oh yeah, the bh is scared.

[L. Mo]

uh oh...stalker in training! :D

[Samantha]

We weren't shocked, since this is what we've been trying so hard to teach her...both manners and confidence!

I didn't mean you. I meant the waitress, who probably sees a lot of kids throughout her day and one like yours jumps out as quite unique.

[LoneGirl]

This past weekend, my 6 mo old niece was in her baby seat and was getting fussy, so her 2 year old sister tried to comfort her. She went over, started rocking the seat back and forth, singing "rock-a-bye baby in the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the tree breaks the baby will die.......". Not sure where she's been learning her lullabies! :)

[its_me]

Actually there is a very sad meaning to "rock-a-bye baby " and "ring-around the rosie".

[its_me]

Ok, so yesterday evening, i was at the table and going thro my flash cards, my 8-yo was doing her homework and my preschooler was coloring something. Then she had to fill out the date on some sheet & she goes" Wow its Nov 1st! Mommy,its your exams in another 3 days! " and i say "yes". My son goes "Boy! I can't wait for this to be over!" and my daughter tells him " Not so fast , she has 5-6 more to go"
:roll:

[quentin cassidy]

it's so funny watching our 3yo imitate her preschool teacher during storytime at night. she instructs us to sit on the floor, while she gets a stepstool to sit on while she reads to us, holding the book up so we can see it (it's a bit of a struggle for her to hold up the larger books with one hand). one of our popular choices lately has been 'the lion and the mouse', which she understands very well:

-she opens to the first page, which shows a lion catching a mouse, and the mouse pleads to be let go, saying he will help the lion one day. my daughter says, 'mouse is mad, lion is laughing!'
-the lion begrudgingly lets him go. shortly thereafter, the lion gets caught in a net, and yells for help. my daughter says, 'lion is stuck, lion is crying, where did mouse go?'
-the next page shows the mouse with his head turned in response to the yelling, and then a shot of the mouse running to help. 'there's the mouse! what color is he?' at which point, i give an incorrect answer, she looks at me, putting one hand by the side of her mouth so no one else can tell she is helping me and whispers very quietly 'no, he's brown'. so i say 'is he brown?', and she says 'yes...very good!' (this is my favorite part :) )
-after the mouse chews through the net and rescues the lion, the last page shows the mouse sitting on the lion's head, and both are smiling. 'mouse and lion are friends', then she points at us and relays the message written on this page 'always help others. the end.'

[Maine-iac]

OK, QC. THAT is cute. :D

[Browncoat]

You know how sometimes kids will just ask a question that really comes out of nowhere?

At dinner last night, my 4yo, in between bites of pork, calmly asks, "When are we going to have our Passover Party?"

After we recovered, we expalined that Passover takes place around the same time as Easter, so we can't have one now. Then I asked if he has some Hebrew friends I don't know about. Never did find out where he heard about Passover, but we both got a good laugh out of it.

[me not we]

You know how sometimes kids will just ask a question that really comes out of nowhere?

At dinner last night, my 4yo, in between bites of pork, calmly asks, "When are we going to have our Passover Party?"

After we recovered, we expalined that Passover takes place around the same time as Easter, so we can't have one now. Then I asked if he has some Hebrew friends I don't know about. Never did find out where he heard about Passover, but we both got a good laugh out of it.

You have a 4 year old? How old are you?

[_BullDog_]

Daddy, mommy is sorry for making you frustrated, can we all go play now.

And mommy was not at all sorry at the time.

[Browncoat]

You have a 4 year old? How old are you?

"A little past 30".

Why? Are most actuaries not old enough to have 4 yo's?

[me not we]

"A little past 30".

Why? Are most actuaries not old enough to have 4 yo's?

It depends if your male or female.

[Frenchie]

It depends if your male or female.

how so?

[me not we]

how so?

There's a difference between a young man becoming a parent and a young woman becoming a parent.

[Lois Lane]

There's a difference between a young man becoming a parent and a young woman becoming a parent.:-?

[Anitha Desai]

There's a difference between a young man becoming a parent and a young woman becoming a parent.

Maybe it would help if you are more specific:
"I thought it surprising that browncoat had a 4 year old because I thought he is a man and is less than 30 years and men under 30 usually don't....." or something to that effect. You are in an actuarial forum, you know.
Make argument, support argument with evidence, get beaten down anyway ;-)

[ShakeNBakes]

:-?
the young woman gets pregnant. the young man does not.

hope this helps. :tup:

[hotkarl]

"A little past 30".

Why? Are most actuaries not old enough to have 4 yo's?

I am a little past 30 and have a 4 and a 10 year old.

[Browncoat]

:capn:

[Pirate Kitty]

Why? Are most actuaries not old enough to have 4 yo's?

Perhaps he/she though you were far too old to have such a young one!

I'm here to help.

[Lois Lane]

the young woman gets pregnant. the young man does not.

hope this helps. :tup:oh, ok. but it still doesn't make any sense b/c (s)he was talking about "becoming a parent." whether you are the one who gets pregnant, or you are just the one who donated the sperm, you still become a parent.

i agree, tho, :capn:

[Browncoat]

You know how sometimes kids will just ask a question that really comes out of nowhere?

At dinner last night, my 4yo, in between bites of pork, calmly asks, "When are we going to have our Passover Party?"

After we recovered, we expalined that Passover takes place around the same time as Easter, so we can't have one now. Then I asked if he has some Hebrew friends I don't know about. Never did find out where he heard about Passover, but we both got a good laugh out of it.

:bump:

So, now that two of us agree that the thread has been hijacked (a quorum for such a declaration in my book), can we get back to my story and somenoe tell me how cute it is, plz? TIA

[LoneGirl]

:bump:

So, now that two of us agree that the thread has been hijacked (a quorum for such a declaration in my book), can we get back to my story and somenoe tell me how cute it is, plz? TIA

That's such a cute story!!! :)

[tbug]

:bump:

So, now that two of us agree that the thread has been hijacked (a quorum for such a declaration in my book), can we get back to my story and somenoe tell me how cute it is, plz? TIA

SO cute! Your kids must be awesome!

[1695814]

SO cute! Your kids must be awesome!
...and you don't get awesome kids without awesome parents! Browncoat, you're awesome!

[ShakeNBakes]

when did this turn into the "Browncoat's Self-Esteem needs a boost" thread? :-?

oh, and Browncoat is #1 in my books! Yay Browncoat!! :clap:

[Browncoat]

TTIA!!!

[Gentle Giant]

Our 2yo was having bathroom problems (OK, diaper problems). We didn't think it was anything he ate, so Mommy said, "Hmmm, maybe you have a bug."

2yo responds, "IT'S A YADYBUG!"

[llcooljabe]

i don't get it. :-?

[Gentle Giant]

Mommy said, "you must have a bug," as in a virus.

Child says, "It's a ladybug!" as in an insect.

[Examinator]

Our little one has learned to throw her arms up in the air and go "woooo!" whenever she hears the song at the beginning of Scrubs.

[JMO]

Mommy said, "you must have a bug," as in a virus.

Child says, "It's a ladybug!" as in an insect.
I got it immediately. And I don't even have any 3yo kids around. ;)

[DaBears]

Our 2yo was having bathroom problems (OK, diaper problems). We didn't think it was anything he ate, so Mommy said, "Hmmm, maybe you have a bug."

2yo responds, "IT'S A YADYBUG!"

My (almost 3-yr-old) son's version: "I have a beaver in my throat". If one of us gets a cough, he'll quite seriously tell us "you have a beaver in your throat". Never a frog, a beaver.

His latest thing is car noise. He would not believe us that it's just the car riding on the road. He kept saying "hmm, who could be making that strange bumpy noise, who could it be? let's investigate". We finally convinced him tonight that it was the car by demonstrating with a shopping cart in the parking lot. Is that inductive or deductive reasoning? I don't know, but I was impressed that he wouldn't believe us without logical evidence. Now he says "dogs make woofing noises, cars make bumpy noises". Cute.

He's also fascinated by Santa. Santa likes trucks, ergo Santa will bring him trucks. :shrug:

[Browncoat]

Is that inductive or deductive reasoning? I don't know, but ...

I believe it's abductive reasoning, which I will not discuss here, because I don't want to hijack the thread. Cute story, though.

[Pills]

We were in the car over the weekend. My 14 month old was babbling, saying "baa-by" over and over.

My wife said "Do you mean 'baby'?" My 14 month old repeated her, saying "baby".

The 5 year old chimes in with, "Wow, she just said 'baby' like a human!"

[lorien]

That reminds me of the time we were at a Christmas parade when my daughter was about 5. After Santa walked by she pipes up with "Did you know Santa can say more than Ho Ho Ho - he can speak our language!"

[KandaBer]

Tonight, my 2-1/2 year old son told me that while lions say "roar," tigers say "harumph!"

[hotkarl]

After the standard "what do you want for christmas, have you been a good boy" line of questioning the mall santa asked if my kid had any questions. He did..."why do you put toys in socks ?"