Fortune Cookie sayings [Archive]

oldgirl

08-18-2002, 11:26 PM

This may have been done here, but I'm too lazy to search :)

So post actual and/or funny Fortune Cookie saying here. "In Bed" or "between the sheets" may be implied :)

Actual: "You will have everything your heart desires"
Actual: "You have sound business sense"
Joke: "That was not chicken you just ate"

Cho Da

08-19-2002, 08:10 AM

Joke: "That was not chicken you just ate"Certainly not in bed!

Maine-iac

08-19-2002, 08:37 AM

Actual: "Forecasting is Difficult. Especially about the future."

From a fortune cookie to an actuary. Ironic. I had it on the wall
in my old cubicle, but my former boss "borrowed" it and I never saw it again.

NoName

08-19-2002, 08:41 AM

Admit it - you watched the Simpsons last night. :)

Cho Da

08-19-2002, 08:42 AM

Forecasting is hard, especially about the future.

Maine-iac

08-19-2002, 08:44 AM

So THAT'S who the fortune cookie company stole it from!

aces219

08-19-2002, 10:18 AM

"It is better to be the hammer than the anvil."

Maine-iac

08-19-2002, 10:36 AM

"Give some people an inch, and they think they're a ruler."

(OK, it was a Salada tag line. So shoot me.)

thing

08-19-2002, 11:39 AM

12 15 26 38 41 44

Moderator2

08-19-2002, 11:49 AM

I just rolled those very numbers on my d100. NOT.

:o

Elisha

08-19-2002, 01:20 PM

Pi Man

08-19-2002, 01:36 PM

I just rolled those very numbers on my d100. NOT.

:o

what are the odds of THAT?? [\not-so-humorous prior-threaded inside joke]

Ozric Tentacles

08-19-2002, 02:37 PM

I just got one this weekend that said, "Keep your nose to the grindstone." Geez, they're really running out of ideas.

Of course, there's the time I got one that said, "You like Chinese food." :-D

Then there was this one friend of mine who was a real jerk. He got one that said, "You will die," but he blew it off. The next day, he went to a different restaurant and simply couldn't stop eating... he was SO HUNGRY and the more he ate the hungrier he got. It was like some kind of torture until he got his fortune and figured it all out: "You are dead."

(Stupid Twilight Zone...) ;-)

Ozric Tentacles

08-19-2002, 02:39 PM

I started to read my new fortune (colored pink instead of white) and then stopped mid-sentence when I realized it was X-rated.So they just added "in bed" at the end, right?
Right?

monkey grass

08-19-2002, 02:52 PM

you like chinese food

sb_jim

08-19-2002, 03:38 PM

I just had Panda Express for lunch as is my habit at least one day a week. When I cracked open the fortune cookie there was no fortune. What does this mean? Am I going to die today?

Drewby

08-19-2002, 04:11 PM

Actual: "The loss which is unknown is no loss at all."

The NAIC ought to consider the idea...might radically change the way we calculate claim reserves!

I saved that one, enlarged it, and hung it in my cubicle...how appropriate for an actuary to get a message like that!

oldgirl

08-19-2002, 04:28 PM

Has anybody every seen the "pink" fortunes? I went to a Mongolian BBQ restaurant w/ friends a couple of years ago and a friend asked for them. The waitress gave him a naughty look and returned with additional cookies. I started to read my new fortune (colored pink instead of white) and then stopped mid-sentence when I realized it was X-rated (maybe XXX?).

I have to ask for those next time :P

So does anybody actually eat the cookie or just dive right for the fortune? Most of the time they're stale, but I have ate some pretty tasty ones that has a hint of orange or lemon to them.

Maxine

08-19-2002, 05:34 PM

Blech! :P I'd rather have an almond cookie or a sesame cookie. :D

ASA_Woman

08-19-2002, 06:08 PM

Blech! :P I'd rather have an almond cookie or a sesame cookie. :D

Ditto on the almond cookies. YUM! :D

Han Solo

08-20-2002, 07:12 AM

I just had Panda Express for lunch as is my habit at least one day a week. When I cracked open the fortune cookie there was no fortune. What does this mean? Am I going to die today?
I've opened some on rare occasions and found two. Does that mean that I'll live longer? Or does it only mean I got your fortune?

Ozric Tentacles

08-20-2002, 11:14 AM

The fortune cookies at the place we went to last Saturday were dipped in chocolate. :-)

Elisha

08-20-2002, 12:06 PM

I started to read my new fortune (colored pink instead of white) and then stopped mid-sentence when I realized it was X-rated.So they just added "in bed" at the end, right?
Right?

olgirl, OT,
I'm sure they're only available from certain restaurants. I had no idea of course until the friend requested them.

At the expense of a message from Traci, two that I can remember:

"Happiness is when you get to eat a pu**y."

"Double your pleasure - f**k twins!"

Ozric Tentacles

08-20-2002, 01:19 PM

Gah!
Do they have any that would apply to women?
Erm, hetero women?

You probably wouldn't (shouldn't) know anyway... just curious.

Elisha

08-20-2002, 02:02 PM

Gah!
Do they have any that would apply to women?

Wouldn't the second quote? :)

oldgirl

08-20-2002, 10:09 PM

Gah!
Do they have any that would apply to women?

Wouldn't the second quote? :)

Twins....hmm.....

You

08-21-2002, 08:46 AM

"You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier."

No joke... got it while at an exam seminar!

Maine-iac

08-21-2002, 08:58 AM

Ahh, but did you pass??? :-?

You

08-21-2002, 12:09 PM

Ahh, but did you pass???

Of course!

Daria

08-21-2002, 12:25 PM

got a good one the other night:

A visitor will delight you soon.

(it especially works with the add-on!)

Sheriff Bannerman

08-24-2002, 01:16 AM

Alan King used to say he always received "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"

oldgirl

08-26-2002, 09:05 PM

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything"

adip

08-27-2002, 10:25 AM

Yesterday I got, "You will soon meet an old adversary".

I wasn't sure if that referred to the age of my partner or a repeat performance. :D