help with saying no

[Apollywog]

So I just got back from a party. And a nice dood drove me back. To clarify, I did not want the ride because I was perfectly fine to take the subway. But he insisted that he drove 'coz I was wearing a short dress and it was late and it was cold and blah blah. And he asked for my phone number and said he'll call me for coffee when I'm free (I told him I'm busy and have to work weekends too). Maybe I'm being egotistic and arrogant to think he's interested in dating me but let's say, IF he is. How do I say no? I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO! ARGH! HOWWWWWWWWWW???????????????

[foghorn]

Would you please post some pics of you in that short dress?

[yankeetripper]

Would you please post some pics of you in that short dress?
I concur.

But in the future, just give him a number that is a digit or two off, most guys will take the hint. As for how to say no. Like Nancy used to say, just say NO!

[Chocobo]

Most girls figure this stuff out in the mid teens, but OK you're the stereotypical late bloomer actuary so you haven't been asked out enough to know how to deal. Next time a guy starts dropping hints you forcefully say no. Like if he says "I'll buy you coffee" you say "why would I want you to f**king buy me coffee?" Make sure to come off really surprised and almost upset. If he offers you a ride and you want the ride but you don't want to deal with him then you accept with attitude, like "OK fine but f**king this better be more convenient than the subway." If he says it's because you're wearing a short skirt you say "what the f*ck?! I don't need you f**king commenting on my skirt a**hole. What the f*ck is wrong with you" Make sense?

[Super Silver Haze]

Here are a few strategies that girls have used on me!

- You need call display for this to work: If he calls, just don't pick up, and don't have anything that'll take his message. He'll catch on eventually. If he keeps calling, try picking up and hanging up real fast.

- Instead of giving him your number, tell him to give you his number instead. Then don't call him. If you run into him again, tell him, "I was going to call you... but then it just... went out of my head."

- Set up a date with him but cancel at the last minute, saying you have to work late. Tell him you'd love to get together some other time, though. Then next time he sets up something, cancel at the last minute again, using the same excuse. Repeat as many times as necessary.

These are all pretty gutless though.

[Listerine]

What morans. Didn't they realize they had Super Silver Haze on their hands? And within their grasp?!?!? Stupid beeotches ^10.

Polly, if you get asked say, "I have no idea if this is a date you are asking me out on, but I wouldn't want to lead you on. I don't think we really made "that connection," but if you just wanted to hang out and have a coffee (or see a movie if that's what he proposed), that would be fun.

An alternative to "that connection" is saying "I don't think we really 'clicked'".

It might even be good to have the full sentences prepared if it's hard for you -- perhaps in language you know is natural for you if thse words don't sound like you.

[E. Blackadder]

I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO! ARGH! HOWWWWWWWWWW???????????????

The trick is to make the guy decide he's sorry he ever saw your face.

The technique(s)* I've been exposed to most often involve 1) coming off like some kind of deranged superb##ch, 2) verbal sucker-punching, and 3)extinction. Rinse, later, and repeat.

Much like being a recruiter. Did I say that?!

*and they've been many.

[Chocobo]

I think you can tell how attractive and desirable girls are based on how they reject guys. Really hot girls I know are blunt and straight forward about it. They have to be because they get asked out numerous times per day. Semi-attractive girls are wishy washy, playing games like the kind described in SSH's and L's posts. In my opinion these girls are not really saying no, so much as they're saying "let me see if I can do better." Unattractive girls can't get themselves to say no at all. They drag it out in the way Apollywog does. After all, this might be the last guy who ever asks them out. (Although Apollywog might be dragging it out because she's a late bloomer and did not need to develop a rejection style til now.) Aaaah the game of human courtship. But this thread is a downer. It's times like this I'm glad I was blessed with a superior ass. It's one of the attributes which makes me one of those rare men who have to do the rejecting.

[ShakeNBakes]

are you just saying no because you're still holding out for me?? :wink:

[Listerine]

The trick is to make the guy decide he's sorry he ever saw your face.
Ahh, but you never did see my face...

[Listerine]

.

[Roto]

So I just got back from a party. And a nice dood drove me back. To clarify, I did not want the ride because I was perfectly fine to take the subway. But he insisted that he drove 'coz I was wearing a short dress and it was late and it was cold and blah blah. And he asked for my phone number and said he'll call me for coffee when I'm free (I told him I'm busy and have to work weekends too). Maybe I'm being egotistic and arrogant to think he's interested in dating me but let's say, IF he is. How do I say no? I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO! ARGH! HOWWWWWWWWWW???????????????

A-Bomb, this advice applies to dating as well as any other interpersonal relationships you will have for the rest of your days: JUST BE HONEST! Tell people how you really feel. It's always difficult to tell someone something they don't want to hear, but avoiding communication, or communicating things (advertantly or inadvertantly) that don't represent how you truly feel is not fair to others, and often times will ultimately make your situation more difficult as well. It's the right thing to do!

[Apollywog]

I think you can tell how attractive and desirable girls are based on how they reject guys. Really hot girls I know are blunt and straight forward about it. They have to be because they get asked out numerous times per day. Semi-attractive girls are wishy washy, playing games like the kind described in SSH's and L's posts. In my opinion these girls are not really saying no, so much as they're saying "let me see if I can do better." Unattractive girls can't get themselves to say no at all. They drag it out in the way Apollywog does. After all, this might be the last guy who ever asks them out. (Although Apollywog might be dragging it out because she's a late bloomer and did not need to develop a rejection style til now.) Aaaah the game of human courtship. But this thread is a downer. It's times like this I'm glad I was blessed with a superior ass. It's one of the attributes which makes me one of those rare men who have to do the rejecting.
I'm sorry I'm not some dumb hot blond bimbo with no brains who get asked out by guys since the age of 5.

I was already out of the party, on my way to the subway when he called with the host's cellphone. And the host insisted that he drove me home. And he actually found me and ushered me into his car before I got to the subway station. I think I dropped enough hint for him to mean no and that he was also persistent enough.

I don't like hurting people. I like dropping hints and for your info, I dropped more hints during the ride that I am not interested in dating him. And maybe he did truly felt sorry for me, to have to commute back home in a short dress and walking to the subway station in the cold. I don't know. I'm only asking in case he wants anything further. I'd love to have him as a friend, but just nothing more. To just say no without knowing his real intention is kind of egotistic.

[MarsLasar]

Ask him how he feels about dating transexuals...is he judgemental or open to new experiences...you are tired of worrying about what others think...etc.
Works very well.

If you have a great wit, the ability to say no is not required.

By the way, what's wrong with dating nice dudes who give you rides home? Sounds better than mean a-holes who snicker "enjoy the subway, IF you can find it."

[silverfox]

Ask him if you can bring your daughter to coffee too.

[MarsLasar]

use "daughters" for maximum effect.

[Abnormal]

Just memorize the number for the local exterminator and give him that. He'll get the idea.

[Roto]

Ask him if you can bring your daughter to coffee too.

and if he says, "sure" you know you've got a keeper!!!

[Listerine]

I don't like hurting people. I like dropping hints and for your info, I dropped more hints during the ride that I am not interested in dating him. And maybe he did truly felt sorry for me, to have to commute back home in a short dress and walking to the subway station in the cold. I don't know. I'm only asking in case he wants anything further. I'd love to have him as a friend, but just nothing more. To just say no without knowing his real intention is kind of egotistic.
Good for you, Polly. Don't worry too much about looking egotistical. Just get it out of the person what they want to call you for -- it's always reasonable to wonder, if a man is expressing interest in meeting or communicating in the future, whether it's about a man/woman interest.

And if you are interetsed in having this person as a friend, you have further opportunity to communicate things to him over the coffee you have or dinner or whatever, especially at the end of the evening.

[Apollywog]

By the way, what's wrong with dating nice dudes who give you rides home?

I know, especially when he drives a nice porsche ;)

I guess I'm too picky, because like Listerine said, I truly did not have a "click" with him. You know, there are people who you are attracted to immediately but this guy, I spoke to him, and the thought of dating him just never popped into my head at all.

[Apollywog]

are you just saying no because you're still holding out for me?? :wink:

I'm glad you finally understood! ;)

[Apollywog]

you guys have some funny response by the way. :lol:

[2pac Shakur]

The trick is to make the guy decide he's sorry he ever saw your face.

The technique(s)* I've been exposed to most often involve 1) coming off like some kind of deranged superb##ch, 2) verbal sucker-punching, and 3)extinction. Rinse, later, and repeat.

Much like being a recruiter. Did I say that?!

*and they've been many.

:lol:
EB is the bomb.
Oops, sorry I said that. Please don't shoot!

[lawfi5h]

You got back from a party before midnight? :shake:

[Apollywog]

You got back from a party before midnight? :shake:

If I didn't plan on taking the subway, I would have stayed longer... :( backfired anyway.

[Griffin 7]

How do I say no? I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO! ARGH! HOWWWWWWWWWW???????????????"Oh, yes I would. The results of my pregnancy test just came back positive, so I really could use someone to talk to."

[zeroEthix]

- Set up a date with him but cancel at the last minute, saying you have to work late. Tell him you'd love to get together some other time, though. Then next time he sets up something, cancel at the last minute again, using the same excuse. Repeat as many times as necessary.

qft

[Buru Buru]

So I just got back from a party. And a nice dood drove me back. To clarify, I did not want the ride because I was perfectly fine to take the subway. But he insisted that he drove 'coz I was wearing a short dress and it was late and it was cold and blah blah. And he asked for my phone number and said he'll call me for coffee when I'm free (I told him I'm busy and have to work weekends too). Maybe I'm being egotistic and arrogant to think he's interested in dating me but let's say, IF he is. How do I say no? I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO! ARGH! HOWWWWWWWWWW???????????????

Was this party somewhere in Manhattan? My neighbors were having a really loud annoying party last night (actually all day and night) and they insisted on keeping the door open for all to hear. :swear:

I guess that I have no life since I was home on a Saturday night to hear this.

[Apollywog]

Was this party somewhere in Manhattan? My neighbors were having a really loud annoying party last night (actually all day and night) and they insisted on keeping the door open for all to hear. :swear:

I guess that I have no life since I was home on a Saturday night to hear this.
Nah, the Manhattan party was last weekend. This was back in Boston :)

[Purple Princess]

I think you can tell how attractive and desirable girls are based on how they reject guys. Really hot girls I know are blunt and straight forward about it. They have to be because they get asked out numerous times per day. Semi-attractive girls are wishy washy, playing games like the kind described in SSH's and L's posts. In my opinion these girls are not really saying no, so much as they're saying "let me see if I can do better." Unattractive girls can't get themselves to say no at all. They drag it out in the way Apollywog does. After all, this might be the last guy who ever asks them out. (Although Apollywog might be dragging it out because she's a late bloomer and did not need to develop a rejection style til now.) Aaaah the game of human courtship. But this thread is a downer. It's times like this I'm glad I was blessed with a superior ass. It's one of the attributes which makes me one of those rare men who have to do the rejecting.

I know Apollywog and she is definitely not unattractive...she's really cute!!! So your theory doesn't work. And besides if it were true it would mean I am super ugly as well... I have the same problem.

One time this bigtime loser came and asked for my number and I couldn't say no so I gave it to him. Then he called and invited me to dinner and I still couldn't say no so I went. By the end of the evening I was thinking to myself, this guy is the biggest fool I have ever met (at some point he said how he loved staring into my beautiful blue eyes - my eyes are hazel)...and even then he was like wanna do it again sometime? I was like ummmmmm.......yeah............ maybe....... I still couldn't say no. After that I just pretended to be really busy.

[Macroman]

I've usually encountered, "oh I'm sorry, but I'm seeing someone" but there was this one rich incident.

While going to college I'd asked Ellen for a date, once. I forget how she responded but anyway she'd turned me down. She was working in a jewelry store in a local mall. I saw her there and remembered that she'd suggested one time that I bring my watchband in to get it resized. When she saw me walking towards their store Ellen ducked into the backroom. I asked about her and one of the co-workers explained that she was "busy". Whatever. So I explained about the watchband to the co-worker and she resized it for me. As we were finishing up Ellen emerged from the backroom. She said "look what happenned to me", thrust her left hand out and had an engagement ring with the biggest diamond I've ever seen on her left hand. I swear this had to be a $10,000 ring and I'm laughing inside at the obvious nature of this ploy. I explained about the watch, gave her the obligatory "congratulations" and went on my way.

I don't think I've seen Ellen since but she did make the news as director of the local art museum a few years ago. I don't know if she married but she still had her maiden name.

I think as long as you manage to be less obvious and over the top than Ellen you shouldn't feel too bad about whatever you have to say or do to loose your leech.

[bm1729]

I think you can tell how attractive and desirable girls are based on how they reject guys.I have an easier method: just look at their faces and/or bodies. :-P

[That Goblin]

I don't like hurting people. I like dropping hints and for your info, I dropped more hints during the ride that I am not interested in dating him. And maybe he did truly felt sorry for me, to have to commute back home in a short dress and walking to the subway station in the cold. I don't know. I'm only asking in case he wants anything further. I'd love to have him as a friend, but just nothing more. To just say no without knowing his real intention is kind of egotistic.
Hey I'm so glad this thread exists. I know of a lot of women who need help with this subject and this paragraph is a perfect example.

My opinion, this paragraph demonstraits emotional imaturity and complete cluelessness. Saying "I'm sorry, its really sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested" is not hurtful at all. In the world of dating, many people, if they don't get a definate no, believe they have hope. So here is what is hurtful. Allowing somebody to believe they have a chance with you for perhaps several weeks and then finally figuring it out. Ouch. Save the poor guy the trouble. Just say no right away.

Every once in a while, I'll go out with somebody who applies buisiness communication techniques to the world of dating and man, its refershing. Thats a good rule of thumb. You wouldn't expect to get your point across at work by using body language and "dropping hints" Don't do it with guys either.

[Super Silver Haze]

My opinion, this paragraph demonstraits emotional imaturity and complete cluelessness. Saying "I'm sorry, its really sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested" is not hurtful at all. In the world of dating, many people, if they don't get a definate no, believe they have hope. So here is what is hurtful. Allowing somebody to believe they have a chance with you for perhaps several weeks and then finally figuring it out. Ouch. Save the poor guy the trouble. Just say no right away.

Every once in a while, I'll go out with somebody who applies buisiness communication techniques to the world of dating and man, its refershing. Thats a good rule of thumb. You wouldn't expect to get your point across at work by using body language and "dropping hints" Don't do it with guys either.
*THUNK*

That was the sound of That Goblin hitting the nail on the head. (Well, maybe the first sentence was a little harsh, but everything else for sure.) Beyond his post and Roto's first post, there isn't much to add.

If you really don't want to hurt him, then that will come across naturally in the way you say no. And if you really do want to be his friend, know that he's much less likely to want to be yours if he gets frustrated from being strung along.

Hell, go ahead and mention you have trouble saying "no" to guys when you break the bad news to him. Be honest, reciprocate the courage he showed when he came on to you in the first place, and he'll respect you for it.

[Apollywog]

My opinion, this paragraph demonstraits emotional imaturity and complete cluelessness.
I think you have just described me perfectly! :oops:

[Listerine]

It was too harsh, even if the rest was correct. What Globin is saying seems a well kept secret from most people, male and female. It's unkind and unethical to be any less up front and prompt when you have lost interest in someone you are seeing or know they are harboring an interest you are not.

[Apollywog]

*THUNK*

That was the sound of That Goblin hitting the nail on the head. (Well, maybe the first sentence was a little harsh, but everything else for sure.) Beyond his post and Roto's first post, there isn't much to add.

If you really don't want to hurt him, then that will come across naturally in the way you say no. And if you really do want to be his friend, know that he's much less likely to want to be yours if he gets frustrated from being strung along.

Hell, go ahead and mention you have trouble saying "no" to guys when you break the bad news to him. Be honest, reciprocate the courage he showed when he came on to you in the first place, and he'll respect you for it.

Thanks SSH, Goblin and Roto for the advice :)

[Apollywog]

I know Apollywog and she is definitely not unattractive...she's really cute!!! So your theory doesn't work. And besides if it were true it would mean I am super ugly as well... I have the same problem.

One time this bigtime loser came and asked for my number and I couldn't say no so I gave it to him. Then he called and invited me to dinner and I still couldn't say no so I went. By the end of the evening I was thinking to myself, this guy is the biggest fool I have ever met (at some point he said how he loved staring into my beautiful blue eyes - my eyes are hazel)...and even then he was like wanna do it again sometime? I was like ummmmmm.......yeah............ maybe....... I still couldn't say no. After that I just pretended to be really busy.

:bighug:
PP is gorgeous. I have had at least two guy friends who asked me if I have her phone number ;)

[DoctorNo]

Make that three. Can I have her number? ;-)

Purple Princess, same question. Can I have Polly's number? ;-)

[rawl316]

personally, I use the "it's not you, it's me line"

[NoName]

I'm basically with Goblin and SSH.

In your original post you wrote: "IF he is. How do I say no?" Well, that's easy, just say you're not interested. It's only if he isn't being quite clear that you have a problem, which isn't really "how" so much as "when".

Although when SSH says Hell, go ahead and mention you have trouble saying "no" to guys when you break the bad news to him. Be honest, reciprocate the courage he showed when he came on to you in the first place, and he'll respect you for it.I don't know about that. Mention, fine. But it's not parallel to him coming on to you in the first place, since one is coming from a position of strength and one from a position of weakness. (Those aren't exactly the right words but close enough.) Belabor the point at that moment and you risk coming off as someone who is bemoaning her horrible plight of being so desirable as to always have to be careful so as not to break yet another man's heart like all the others before him.

Incidentally, I am actually the last person who should be giving anyone advice about these sorts of matters, but this is the internet, so I can pretend I have an idea what I'm talking about.

[Westley]

To just say no without knowing his real intention is kind of egotistic.

You met at a party, he drove you home, he commented on your short skirt. You know his real intention. You don't want to be so arrogant as to pretend that you know what his intention is, but you do know. Trust me, and yourself.

Blunt and honest is all you need. When I was dating, I would get that occasionally. "Look, I would love to meet you for coffee, but I really am not interested in dating you, at least right now, and maybe we can hang out some, you seem pretty fun. I don't want to lead you on that I'm interested in dating you because I'm not. I'm currently seeing somebody, and I'm just working on that right now". Or whatever other reason applies - you're not my type, I find you hideously unattractive, I used to date your buddy and it makes me uncomfortable, or the old stand-by "I'm just not that into you". And then, finish with "I'm not sure what your looking for, but if you're not interested in just hanging out, then no offense if you don't want to get together for that coffee, but if you do, I'm available on Tuesday and Thursday this week. And, by the way, I'm buying, since you were nice enough to drive me home."

If you buy, nobody could construe that as a date. And, coffee's cheap, so it shouldn't be too big an imposition.

If you can do it when he's not there, leave the whole message on his vmail, and that makes it even easier for you.

[Westley]

My opinion, this paragraph demonstraits emotional imaturity and complete cluelessness. Saying "I'm sorry, its really sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested" is not hurtful at all. In the world of dating, many people, if they don't get a definate no, believe they have hope. So here is what is hurtful. Allowing somebody to believe they have a chance with you for perhaps several weeks and then finally figuring it out. Ouch. Save the poor guy the trouble. Just say no right away.

Great post! 100% accurate. Don't waste my time, or yours, if you're not interested.

[Chocobo]

I know Apollywog and she is definitely not unattractive...she's really cute!!! So your theory doesn't work. And besides if it were true it would mean I am super ugly as well... I have the same problem.


I doubt that either of you are attractive. If you're attractive you're late bloomers. Attractive girls know how to reject guys and are blunt about it. They get hit on numerous times per day starting in their mid-teens. They get hit on everywhere. At the store. At the coffee shop. It's non stop. By 16-17 they've gotten so used to rejecting guys that it comes naturally to them. They don't waste time and are blunt about it. Blunt and mean is the only proper way to reject an advance. Average looking girls (like you and pollywog I'm guessing) don't get asked out enough to develop this skill. When a guy, who you don't particularly like, asks you out, you try to play both sides of the fence. You're not rejecting him. You're just saying "let me see if I can do better before I settle for you." Unattractive girls have a really hard time rejecting any guy. On the one hand they dream of a great guy, but on the other hand they know they're not going to do better. And just so you know what it's like on the other side, In addition to my superior ass, another attribute which makes me desirable are my pecs which I develop religiously.

[Sandman]

The trick is to make the guy decide he's sorry he ever saw your face.

The technique(s)* I've been exposed to most often involve 1) coming off like some kind of deranged superb##ch, 2) verbal sucker-punching, and 3)extinction. Rinse, later, and repeat.

Much like being a recruiter. Did I say that?!

*and they've been many.

You may need to work on your pick up lines, E.B.

P.S. It's really easy to meet single women if you play bridge, as long as you can deal with the fact that most of them are over 70. Of course, you play bridge so you already know that. Of course, if you're making passes at the over 70 crowd and they are coming back at you "like some kind of deranged superwitch" than your problems may be deeper than I realized.

[Incredible Hulctuary]

So here is what is hurtful. Allowing somebody to believe they have a chance with you for perhaps several weeks and then finally figuring it out.That used to piss me off to no end. Until I learned to figure them out.

Nowadays, any wishy-washy attitude when a woman gives me her phone number will mean her number will be thrown into the trash as soon as I get home. When a woman is in a conversation with a guy she wants to date, she'll give her phone number without being asked, or give it without hesitation or ambivalence if asked.

Edited to add: A corollary to this is that if you're a woman who gives out your number and is disappointed when the guy doesn't call, it may be that you showed reluctance when giving out your number.

[DoctorNo]

I doubt that either of you are attractive. If you're attractive you're late bloomers. Attractive girls know how to reject guys and are blunt about it. They get hit on numerous times per day starting in their mid-teens. They get hit on everywhere. At the store. At the coffee shop. It's non stop. By 16-17 they've gotten so used to rejecting guys that it comes naturally to them. They don't waste time and are blunt about it. Blunt and mean is the only proper way to reject an advance. Average looking girls (like you and pollywog I'm guessing) don't get asked out enough to develop this skill. When a guy, who you don't particularly like, asks you out, you try to play both sides of the fence. You're not rejecting him. You're just saying "let me see if I can do better before I settle for you." Unattractive girls have a really hard time rejecting any guy. On the one hand they dream of a great guy, but on the other hand they know they're not going to do better. And just so you know what it's like on the other side, In addition to my superior ass, another attribute which makes me desirable are my pecs which I develop religiously.

You've said the exact same thing twice now. Are you some sort of expert in getting rejected by women of all types?

[Chocobo]

You've said the exact same thing twice now. Are you some sort of expert in getting rejected by women of all types?

I know a lot of hot girls. I do more rejecting than vice versa. See my prior posts regarding my ass and pecs. Sorry if the truth hurts.

[DoctorNo]

I know a lot of hot girls. I do more rejecting than vice versa. See my prior posts regarding my ass and pecs. Sorry if the truth hurts.

Of course you do. You need the extra time to spend all day on here posting with the rest of us.

[Chocobo]

Of course you do. You need the extra time to spend all day on here posting with the rest of us.

You're trying to flame me by saying I post too much? I have 300 posts in 2 years. Most of which occured in 50 posts a day spurts. You on the other hand. PWNED!

[Incredible Hulctuary]

I doubt that either of you are attractive. If you're attractive you're late bloomers. Attractive girls know how to reject guys and are blunt about it.Actually some very attractive women don't get hit on very much and never did, because they have an aura of unapproachability about them and they don't frequent the places with the egotistical jerks that will approach everybody.

[Westley]

Actually some very attractive women don't get hit on very much and never did, because they have an aura of unapproachability about them and they don't frequent the places with the egotistical jerks that will approach everybody.

That's definitely true. I have some girls that I am friends with that look great, but they don't go to bars and they really aren't very good at making small talk with guys that they see at the grocery store, and they are serious about their careers, so it's not like they are out and approachable all the time. I work with a girl who is extremely hot, and she's just a big study nerd - it's kind of annoying because people are always asking me about her (we're seen together a lot - we tend to get lunch together once a week or so, etc), but nobody just goes up and talks to her (which is fine right now, since she currently has a bf).

[Roto]

It's unkind and unethical to be any less up front and prompt when you have lost interest in someone you are seeing or know they are harboring an interest you are not.

Listy, I think you took the crux of what I was trying to say, and as I would expect, stated it much more accurately, elegantly, and efficiently than I did! ;)

Stated simply Wogga-Wogga-wooo, Treat people how you'd like to be treated! I'd imagine most would prefer that individuals honestly convey their non-interest than receive mixed or unclear signals... or worse yet, just be ignored. There may be easier ways to go about it for you, but the way you share bad news with someone says a lot about your personal integrity...

[DoctorNo]

You're trying to flame me by saying I post too much? I have 300 posts in 2 years. Most of which occured in 50 posts a day spurts. You on the other hand. PWNED!

Ooh, burn. That was "off the hook"!

[Roto]

Actually some very attractive women don't get hit on very much and never did, because they have an aura of unapproachability about them


This is true! (not sure how it carries into later adulthood, but at my college, there were multiple jaw-droppers who never got asked out b/c they were TOOO gorgeous). Dealing with an individual who is in the top fraction of a percentile in pure physical beauty can cause partial paralysis.

[Macavity]

When a woman is in a conversation with a guy she wants to date, she'll give her phone number without being asked, or give it without hesitation or ambivalence if asked.

This is very true, Mr. Hulctuary. When I would go out with the mates, some guys would hit on women. The really good looking ones didn't even ask for the phone number, the girl would just give it to him at teh end of the conversation. Or they would not hesitate if he was asked. Hesitation is automaticlly a sign that the woman is not interested in you but she's too nice to say no. Too many men cling to tenuous threads of hope. Don't be one of them.

[Macavity]

This is true! (not sure how it carries into later adulthood, but at my college, there were multiple jaw-droppers who never got asked out b/c they were TOOO gorgeous). Dealing with an individual who is in the top fraction of a percentile in pure physical beauty can cause partial paralysis.

Yes, as much as I love Mr. Chocobo, he is wrong on this. I think he might look at too many slutty girls in FHM, MAXIM, and STUFF. In this girls, they will be hit on all the time because they come out like skanks. A truely beautiful girl does not need to flaunt her ass, titties and prvate area around to lead men to her thorugh sex. In the end, even if you did get these girls, you would find them empty and vapid and not worthy of your intellect.

[Allie]

But what about the guys that you've been honest with, i.e. "no, not interested in you" and they don't give it up? I went out with someone two times about a month ago and decided that I didn't want to see him again - and told him so. What happens today? He called (I didn't answer the phone), left a message and wants to go out again. HELLO? What part of "no" do you NOT get?!?!?!

[silverfox]

See, this is why you need to let him down hard. You have to let him know you're not just playing Hard to get.

[Chocobo]

But what about the guys that you've been honest with, i.e. "no, not interested in you" and they don't give it up? I went out with someone two times about a month ago and decided that I didn't want to see him again - and told him so. What happens today? He called (I didn't answer the phone), left a message and wants to go out again. HELLO? What part of "no" do you NOT get?!?!?!

This is my point. You weren't mean enough. Hot girls are mean and blunt when rejecting. Next time he calls pick up the phone and say something like "A**hole, why the f*ck are you asking me out again? Didn't I tell you I wasn't interested?" Do that and tell us how it turns out.

[Apollywog]

This is my point. You weren't mean enough. Hot girls are mean and blunt when rejecting. Next time he calls pick up the phone and say something like "A**hole, why the f*ck are you asking me out again? Didn't I tell you I wasn't interested?" Do that and tell us how it turns out.

Choco, I like your posts. But when it comes to women, you are sooooooooo pathetic.

I can't see how a woman with such a foul mouth can be hot...

[Chocobo]

Choco, I like your posts. But when it comes to women, you are sooooooooo pathetic.

I can't see how a woman with such a foul mouth can be hot...

What what what in the world? That's the whole point. You shouldn't worry about sounding hot to guys you're rejecting. Worrying about this implies that you don't really want to reject them. I know a lot of hot girls. Hot girls don't worry about being hot. They know they're hot because the world constantly tells them they're hot. Next time this dude drops a hint tell him off bluntly and be very mean. It'll be good practice. Then tell us what he says.

[silverfox]

Break the wrist, walk away. It's as simple as that.

[Titania]

This is my point. You weren't mean enough. Hot girls are mean and blunt when rejecting. Next time he calls pick up the phone and say something like "A**hole, why the f*ck are you asking me out again? Didn't I tell you I wasn't interested?" Do that and tell us how it turns out.
Clearly Chocobo has learned everything he knows about women from Victoria's Secret catalogues and the Spice channel.

[Titania]

Polly - you've gotten a lot of great advice in this thread.

I used to use this line:

"Maybe it's presumptuous of me to think that you're asking me out on a date, but I just want to tell you upfront that I'm seeing someone at the moment. But, if you want to go out as friends, I'd love to...how about Thursday after work?"

And then - as someone already said - you pay for yourself or for both of you.

Saying "no" sucks. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that I ended up in a 8+ year bad marriage because I didn't know how to say "no." (Yes, that IS effed up. I wasn't a very healthy person for a while.) My advice to you is to learn how and quick. Remind yourself that being honest to yourself and the other person is the right thing to do, and it worth the momentary awkwardness.

See my sig line - it's natural and good to be concerned about other's feelings, but you need to do what YOU want to do, even if that means disappointing someone.

[ShakeNBakes]

Break the wrist, walk away. It's as simple as that.:lol: RN

[ACCtuary]

I'm sorry I'm not some dumb hot blond bimbo with no brains who get asked out by guys since the age of 5.

I was already out of the party, on my way to the subway when he called with the host's cellphone. And the host insisted that he drove me home. And he actually found me and ushered me into his car before I got to the subway station. I think I dropped enough hint for him to mean no and that he was also persistent enough.

I don't like hurting people. I like dropping hints and for your info, I dropped more hints during the ride that I am not interested in dating him. And maybe he did truly felt sorry for me, to have to commute back home in a short dress and walking to the subway station in the cold. I don't know. I'm only asking in case he wants anything further. I'd love to have him as a friend, but just nothing more. To just say no without knowing his real intention is kind of egotistic.

Let me set you straight on something. Men are not rewarded for taking hints. Men are rewarded for being persistent. Even if we hear a hint, we may deliberately ignore it. We don't like them. We don't respect hint takers. We may not like 'being hurt', but a short punch that's to the point will result in a hurt that will not last. And at least we'll respect you (though we may sting from the bad news). There is a bigger penalty for backing down too early (losing our soulmate) than for pressing on and getting weak rejections.

Be honest. Don't be afraid to hurt us. We're big boys. We can take it.

Hints mean you don't respect our ability to take bad news. Maybe you think we'll hit you or somethign.

[I need to come back and edit this for several typos, but I have to go to a meeting now]

[JMO]

Be honest. Don't be afraid to hurt us. We're big boys. We can take it.



Just tell him this: "I'd love to have you as a friend, nothing more."

[ShakeNBakes]

Just tell him this: "I'd love to have you as a friend, nothing more."and what if you don't even want him as a friend??

[JMO]

and what if you don't even want him as a friend??
Then use the foul-mouth approach above. But apollywog said pretty much what I suggested, just in the third person. Somebody once claimed that "honesty is the best policy." I recommend it.

[Chocobo]

Polly - you've gotten a lot of great advice [from Chocobo] in this thread.
Saying "no" sucks. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that I ended up in a 8+ year bad marriage because I didn't know how to say "no." (Yes, that IS effed up. I wasn't a very healthy person for a while.)

Your old marriage again? I used to visit this board a year ago and every post by you was about your old marriage, getting married, being single vs. being married . . . . Give it a rest and "enjoy" your mid-30s, it's a "great" age to be single.

[Chocobo]

Clearly Chocobo has learned everything he knows about women from Victoria's Secret catalogues and the Spice channel.


Spice channel and Victoria's secret. Right. Because Chocobo, and not another poster with a name starting with a T and ending A, is known to be the board's resident sex-expert (a.k.a. perv.)

[Roto]

Your old marriage again? I used to visit this board a year ago and every post by you was about your old marriage, getting married, being single vs. being married . . . . Give it a rest and "enjoy" your mid-30s, it's a "great" age to be single.


I'm sensing a well-deserved fiery retort is on it's way!

[Titania]

I used to visit this board a year ago and every post by you was about your old marriage, getting married, being single vs. being marriedI have 17000+ posts. They're not all about relationships.

[Titania]

Spice channel and Victoria's secret. Right. Because Chocobo, and not another poster with a name starting with a T and ending A, is known to be the board's resident sex-expert (a.k.a. perv.)
Right...because anyone who knows anything knows that the Spice channel and Victoria's Secret are the refuge of those who can't get laid, don't know anything about women, and therefore have this fantasitical impression of how attractive women are supposed to behave.

[Titania]

I'm sensing a well-deserved fiery retort is on it's way!
I hope it lived up your expectations. ;)

[Chocobo]

Right...because anyone who knows anything knows that the Spice channel and Victoria's Secret are the refuge of those who can't get laid, don't know anything about women, and therefore have this fantasitical impression of how attractive women are supposed to behave.

Right. I didn't learn how hot girls reject guys by talking to my hot girl friends. I learned it by watching a porno channel. Because girls in porno channels are always rejecting guys. Right. I'm leaving this thread so don't bother embarrassing yourself with an attempted comeback. PWN3D!

[rawl316]

And just so you know what it's like on the other side, In addition to my superior ass, another attribute which makes me desirable are my pecs which I develop religiously.

It's pretty hard to take you seriously when you make comments like this. But to go with your stereotypes about women, i heard that guys that obsess about this stuff do it because they lack in other areas.

[Titania]

Right. I didn't learn how hot girls reject guys by talking to my hot girl friends. I learned it by watching a porno channel. Because girls in porno channels are always rejecting guys. Right. I'm leaving this thread so don't bother embarrassing yourself with an attempted comeback. PWN3D!
Just one more thing...sounds like your hot girl friends are a bunch of *****es.

There's no reason to talk to a guy you don't want to go out with as you described.

"A**hole, why the f*ck are you asking me out again? Didn't I tell you I wasn't interested?"

Great advice for Polly, who doesn't have a harsh word for anyone.

[Roto]

I hope it lived up your expectations. ;)

The crowd has paid their hard-earned money to see blood and guts... we didn't get that. Better at least flash us or something.

[Chocobo]

Just one more thing...sounds like your hot girl friends are a bunch of *****es.

There's no reason to talk to a guy you don't want to go out with as you described.



Great advice for Polly, who doesn't have a harsh word for anyone.

Maybe I was trying to orchestrate a devastating (devastatingly hilarious) real world rejection? Hello? Too late now you people ruined it.

[Westley]

I'm leaving this thread

We all can wish, but I doubt it comes true.

[ACCtuary]

When you take a girl home out of safety concerns, it is extremely cheesy to ask her out. You can always be offended and end it at that!

[Sandman]

I was talking with this really attractive woman the other night, and then she said: "Maybe it's presumptuous of me to think that you're asking me out on a date, but I just want to tell you upfront that I'm seeing someone at the moment. But, if you want to go out as friends, I'd love to...how about Thursday after work?"

She wants to go out with me! Get the Old Spice ready, cause Sandman is going to town on Thursday night!

[Sandman]

I used to use this line:

"Maybe it's presumptuous of me to think that you're asking me out on a date, but I just want to tell you upfront that I'm seeing someone at the moment. But, if you want to go out as friends, I'd love to...how about Thursday after work?"

And then - as someone already said - you pay for yourself or for both of you.

It's natural and good to be concerned about other's feelings, but you need to do what YOU want to do, even if that means disappointing someone.

Uh ... never mind.

:wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall:

[Titania]

:lolup: That was cute!

[wat?]

Right. I didn't learn how hot girls reject guys by talking to my hot girl friends. I learned it by watching a porno channel.

Don't lie. You go to import car shows. Trying to be all high and mighty by claiming you watch porno ... pffft.

[Super Silver Haze]

Incidentally, I am actually the last person who should be giving anyone advice about these sorts of matters, but this is the internet, so I can pretend I have an idea what I'm talking about.
No experience with being rejected, huh? Showoff. :)

[Loner]

Every once in a while, I'll go out with somebody who applies buisiness communication techniques to the world of dating and man, its refershing.
Yeah, when a guy tells me, "Hey, let's leverage our synergies" I know there's gonna be some action.

[Grue]

"Maybe it's presumptuous of me to think that you're asking me out on a date, but I just want to tell you upfront that I'm seeing someone at the moment. But, if you want to go out as friends, I'd love to...how about Thursday after work?"
What's with this "friends" stuff? It seems kind of rude to me. If a woman asked out a guy in the reverse situation, I'm sure the woman wouldn't take it well if you said "I'm in a relationship at the moment, but if you just want to have sex, come to my place on Thursday."

[Titania]

"I'm in a relationship at the moment, but if you just want to have sex, come to my place on Thursday."
Funny...someone actually said that to me once. Not in so many words, but that was the jist.

[Grue]

Funny...someone actually said that to me once. Not in so many words, but that was the jist.
...and it led to a bad 8 year marriage?

[Titania]

...and it led to a bad 8 year marriage?
No silly...that was last summer when I was making up for lost time.

[Purple Princess]

Hot girls don't worry about being hot. They know they're hot because the world constantly tells them they're hot.

I know I'm hot because I get told so at least once a week by bums in the subway. It happened this morning after I gave another bum some money :D

[silverfox]

You're also hot because Apollywog said you're hot, which makes Apollywog hot too. Can I watch?