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like an ass

Posted 09-20-2008 at 02:27 PM by sweetiepie
Updated 09-20-2008 at 02:35 PM by sweetiepie

This morning I left my father waiting on the shoulder of the interstate. He was going to the ocean with grandma, who is experience her last mostly sane days, and he wanted me to come with. He probably could have used me, and I probably should have seen her, but no I wasn't there, and when he called, I was sleeping. I don't know how I could make it up to him.

Last night, I saw Kathryn, who is the opposite of an ass. It had been months and she had mostly forgotten about me, and I had mostly forgotten about her, and she just called me up because she had extra tickets to this vaudevillian political satire thing. I was feeling really good then, just knowing that people like her existed. She with her Disney heart has given my life an inch of uncomplicated splendor. She invited me to cheesecake afterwords with Will and Tiff, and called me 3 times to make sure I hadn't gotten lost on the way there. She still thinks of me as someone who is always lost, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I know my way around the city these days. We delight, I think, in mutual cluelessness.

The political satire, featuring a boozing clown running for president, was mostly about the shallowness of modern American politics. How it's all about smiles and catch phrases and not about informed decision making. Like clowning though, it was funny, but hopeless. Politicians have to be politicians to survive the election. And even if they weren't, people will never make informed decisions. People are stupid, and even if they weren't, even if they were smart, they would still think with their guts. Democracy has failed.

It was plain when Bush got elected. History teaches us about how monarchies used to fall apart when the idiot prince was not yet prepared to take his syphilitic father's seat. Democracy, should, at the very least, have kept the idiots from being in charge. Now I'm left wondering if Dictatorship is the most reliable form of government. At the very least, you have to be a hell of a leader to stage a coup.

According to a woman I used to have sex with, upon meeting someone, it takes you 15 seconds to decide whether or not they want to have sex with that person. I think democracy is the same.

Hell I think religion and family and economics and philosophy and love and careers and all narratives from which we derive meaning are like that. I'm sick of people telling me they have reasons. We pretend to live in some sort of technology driven Renaissance, full of reason and expertise and critical thought. It's so much bull shit. All we have are more and more excuses. We aren't coming any closer to rationality, we are merely finding ways to extend our false axioms.

That's why I like Kathryn anyway. And why I don't like myself.
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