Fear and Loathing... at the local game.

[E. Blackadder]

Board... who knows. Dlr, N; E/W Vul, distribution and spots are sort of approximate.

          AKQJ
          K
          JT9x
          ATxx
T9753               xx
ATxx                QJxx
A                   Kxxx
QJx                 xxx
          52
          98xx
          Qxxx
          Kxx

For some reason this reminded me of a certain problem in the Feb MSC, for reasons which will become clear in a moment.

North opened 1, alerted and explained (without prompting) as 19+, artificial. I considered doubling to show two suits of the same color, but that action was too extreme even for me. . So I passed and asked: "Shenken?" to North, and he said yes, as LHO bid 1 . Partner passed, North rebid 1, and that ended the auction.

Obviously west had reason to be angry.

Spoiler:

NOT!

, so he called the director over, explained that

Spoiler:

he HAD NO FREAKING CLUE THAT 1 WAS ARTIFICIAL after a big club. (Did I mention we play CRASH over the big club?)

and the auction got reverted [incorrectly] to West, who demonstrated his fine bridge judgement by...

Spoiler:

DOUBLING!, yes doubling

Spoiler:

AS A LEAD-DIRECTOR Can you say "Problem F??"

. North now

Spoiler:

redoubled

, which left a number of the people sitting E/W in a pickle.

Spoiler:

No madlib games, 4sigma.

East and South let this float, and East carried West's 1 to 2, momentarily ending the adventure.

West

Spoiler:

went down two, and went BACK to the director (who was playing

Spoiler:

which explains the lameness of the ruling

Spoiler:

to create half a table

Spoiler:

which wasn't the worst of the evening. Thirteen pairs played 11 rounds of a perfect seven-table Howell , and

Spoiler:

the club-game computer just died, so factoring is going to be manual, like they did in the dark ages, quite un-fun

, btw), and the conclusion was deferred to the end of play, when

Spoiler:

we all should have been kicked out for being utter brats.

My opinion was

Spoiler:

that a split score should be awarded: -200 for us, +110 or so, for them, and ice cream for all.

This didn't fly very well, and eventually, after prying the facts out of the players,

Spoiler:

the people at the other tables who heard us,

Spoiler:

the patrons at the local bowling alley,

Spoiler:

and the local medium-security prison

, he ruled -200 for us, and in later privacy proceeded to explain a number of things about my partner, which weren't altogether surprising. Sad.

In short, BBO is cheaper, a heckuvalot faster, and more pleasant, but

Spoiler:

sometimes less exciting

[4sigma]

IFYP

Originally Posted by E. Blackadder

Board... who knows. Dlr, N; E/W Vul, distribution and spots are sort of approximate.

          AKQJ
          K
          JT9x
          ATxx
T9753               xx
ATxx                QJxx
A                   Kxxx
QJx                 xxx
          52
          98xx
          Qxxx
          Kxx

For some reason this reminded me of a certain problem in the Feb MSC, for reasons which will become clear in a moment.

North opened 1, alerted and explained (without prompting) as 19+, artificial. I considered doubling to show two suits of the same color, but that action was too extreme even for me. . So I passed and asked: "Shenken?" to North, and he said yes, as LHO bid 1 . Partner passed, North rebid 1, and that ended the auction.

Obviously west had reason to be angry.

Spoiler:

by the end of the hand, but not at this point. At this point he was merely under the influence of a schedule 3 narcotic, based on all available evidence,

so he called the director over, explained that

Spoiler:

he HAD NO FREAKING CLUE THAT 1 WAS ARTIFICIAL after a big club. (Did I mention we play CRASH over the big club?)

and the

Spoiler:

Director, after apparently inhaling whatever my partner had been smoking, ruled that the

auction got reverted [incorrectly] to West, who demonstrated his fine bridge judgement by...

Spoiler:

DOUBLING!, yes doubling

Spoiler:

AS A LEAD-DIRECTOR

Spoiler:

since I've impressed him with so many of my creative opening leads up to this point.

. North now

Spoiler:

redoubled

Spoiler:

and the force of the blue card reverberating upon the table was measurable on seismographs internationally

, which left a number of the people sitting E/W in a pickle.

Spoiler:

No madlib games, 4sigma.

Spoiler:

Please provide an plural noun, an adverb, and a type of weather.

Spoiler:

No, I'm not kidding, have you got them? Don't click until you do.

Spoiler:

North now redoubled and the force of the blue card reverberating upon the table was measurable on seismographs internationally, which left a number of the ______ (plural noun) sitting ______ (adverb) in ________. (type of weather)

East and South let this float, and East carried West's 1 to 2, momentarily ending the adventure.

West

Spoiler:

went down two, and went BACK to the director (who was playing

Spoiler:

bridge, as opposed to whatever we were playing at our table. At this point he had extremely little sympathy for partner,

Spoiler:

which explains the lameness of the ruling

to create half a table

Spoiler:

which wasn't the worst of the evening. Thirteen pairs played 11 rounds of a perfect seven-table Howell , and

Spoiler:

the computer just died, so factoring is going to be quite un-fun

Spoiler:

Unless Captain Nemo were present to help

. for , btw), and the conclusion was deferred to the end of play, when

Spoiler:

I should have quickly left while the director was busy with aforementioned factoring, cognizant of the fact that

Spoiler:

we all should have been kicked out for being utter brats.

My opinion was

Spoiler:

that a split score should be awarded: -200 for us, +110 or so, for them, and ice cream for all.

Spoiler:

However, for some inexplicable reason, this was not met with the universal acclaim that it merited, at which point I decided I had better not incriminate myself any further and asked to have a public defender appointed to represent my interests.

This didn't fly very well, and eventually, after prying the facts out of the players, the people at the other tables who heard us, the patrons at the local bowling alley, and the medium-security prison, he ruled -200 for us, and proceeded to explain a number of things about my partner, which weren't altogether surprising. Sad.

In short, BBO is cheaper, a heckuvalot faster, and more pleasant, but

Spoiler:

doesn't lend itself nearly as well to MadLibs

.

[E. Blackadder]

In fact, I was scoring up the afternoon game between sets. This club is really, REALLY into incomplete movements. weird.

[Steve White]

Originally Posted by 4sigma

IFYP

[Captain Nemo]

Originally Posted by 4sigma

IFYP

[E. Blackadder]

It's tough to stop when so much material practically begs me to write!

This auction was simple. North (on top) opened 1 in... 3rd position, I think.

xx                  AKTx
KTxxx               J
xxx                 AJx
xxx                 AKJxx

East doubled and West bid a very smooth 2. East, realizing that he had a powerhouse, made the obvious cuebid (Which is only about a king light, IMO), and west smoothly bid 2NT. East now trotted out another obvious cuebid, asking west if he really, really had a f-----g heart stopper, which ended the auction.

Perhaps I over-reacted.

[E. Blackadder]

Suggest a line of bidding, dear reader...

AKx       xx
AQJx      Kxxx
KQx       AJxxxx
Axx       x

2 - 2* - 2NT - 3** - 3 - 4NT - 5*** - 6... making an overtrick.
* 2 is the awful hand.
** Stayman.
*** 0 or 3.

[4sigma]

I'd say East has his first cue bid. He may be a bit light for the second one, but at least he got to play the hand.

Did he make 3 hearts? It seems like you ought to have a shot if North only has a doubleton diamond, as you can strip his side suits and repeatedly endplay him into leading trumps.

Give me a bit and I should have the Mad Libs put together.

[E. Blackadder]

... but for you folks who have devoutly read The Bridge World for some time, this may be the ultimate experience of The Pain Factor. IIRC, Matt Granovetter devised (but did not provide experimental proof for) a theory that pain is inverse to the distance that one loses by.

My partnership came in second last night by

Spoiler:

... 0.01% Yes, one basis point. Having become jaded, I lost no sleep over it, which is a shame.

I think it's an accursed rounding error, too.

[E. Blackadder]

          xx
          KQxxx
          Qx
          T9xx
AKT76               Jxx
xx                  xxx
Ax                  KJxx
Kxxx                AQx
          Qxx
          Axx
          Txxxx
          Jx

East dealt at matchpoints, none vul. The uninspired, uncontested auction went...
Pass - 1 spade - 2 spades.

East/West methods include, but are not limited to Bergen raises, two-way reverse fit-showing Drury, 2/1 and forcing notrump.

Please allocate the blame, to west, east and plain, dumb luck. <---- third item can be positive or negative.