Should I rat on pot smoking teen to his older brother?

[glassjaws]

Semi-dilemma and a longer story than needed:

A really good friend of mine grew up in a broken home. I don't think he's sure who his father is, his mom and stepfather were/are addicted to crack and pot to the extent one can be considered addicted to it. So he took the polar extreme to them and grew up clean wrt to drugs and is now doing pretty well for himself. He's married, bought a house, finished college, and working to land a good job.

About a year ago, his mom decided to leave his stepfather and she ended up moving in with him. However, it wasn't only his mom that moved it, it was also his younger sister (early 20's, loser, no life ambition, drug abuser like mother), sister's kid (like 4 years old and screwed in life since his mom is a 'tard), and his younger brother (probably 13, smart kid, acts out since mom's too comatose to notice him most times). So recently mom got her shit together and moved out with the kids.

The younger brother and I are xbox friends and I was playing with him last night and I heard him smoking up. Now knowing all my friend did for his brother, it would disappoint him greatly to know he's smoking pot and seeming to go the route of the rest of the family. I think my friend would take him in and try to give him some kind of future, but I don't know if I should rat on the kid to make that happen. I'm torn. I mean, he has to have some idea his brother is exposed to it. He lives with his mom, lifetime drug user, and his sister who followed right in mom's footsteps. But I don't feel like it's my place.

Thoughts?

[Anthemyst]

Why would your friend not at least suspect this is the case, given his little brother's living arrangements? You could try having a conversation with him that isn't explicit tattling I guess, like, "Hey, do you ever worry about your little brother living with your mom and your sister?" Also I'm not sure it counts as "ratting" if you're telling someone who is not yet an authority figure in the boy's life. I'd probably go for it.

[Agadefe]

Tough situation, but I think you need to ask yourself:

Would you feel the same if instead of pot it was alcohol or cigarettes or just another "thing kids do sometimes when they are teenagers"? Just because the family was screwed up and pot was also involved doesn't mean that much if they were also doing harder drugs. It was definitely the harder drugs that were the issue.

If yes, and your friend wants your bro to be completely clean and would care, then maybe mention something. But not because it's 'pot' as opposed to something else, imo.

[Agadefe]

Originally Posted by Agadefe

Tough situation, but I think you need to ask yourself:

Would you feel the same if instead of pot it was alcohol or cigarettes or just another "thing kids do sometimes when they are teenagers"? Just because the family was screwed up and pot was also involved doesn't mean that much if they were also doing harder drugs. It was definitely the harder drugs that were the issue.

If yes, and your friend wants your bro to be completely clean and would care, then maybe mention something. But not because it's 'pot' as opposed to something else, imo.

I also want to add that just b/c your friend went the 'totally clean' route to get out of it, doesn't mean that just because your friend's brother is going a more 'standard teenager' route, he'll somehow get trapped in it. Teenagers getting stoned and playing XBox is about as normal as it gets.

[Anthemyst]

Originally Posted by Agadefe

Would you feel the same if instead of pot it was alcohol or cigarettes or just another "thing kids do sometimes when they are teenagers"? Just because the family was screwed up and pot was also involved doesn't mean that much if they were also doing harder drugs. It was definitely the harder drugs that were the issue.

Yeah, but the harder drugs are also why the pot-smoking is more of a concern. I know the whole "pot as a gateway drug" argument is weak in general, but in this very specific case there might be something to it.

[Agadefe]

Originally Posted by Anthemyst

Yeah, but the harder drugs are also why the pot-smoking is more of a concern. I know the whole "pot as a gateway drug" argument is weak in general, but in this very specific case there might be something to it.

I personally think it's not only weak, but also completely false and filled with correlation issues.

Pot is as much a 'gateway drug' as coffee is imo.

[Anthemyst]

Originally Posted by Agadefe

I personally think it's not only weak, but also completely false and filled with correlation issues.

Pot is as much a 'gateway drug' as coffee is imo.

In general, I totally agree. But for a kid being raised by a (former?) drug addict, who has already raised one other drug addict to adulthood, I can see why a protective older brother might want to step in at the absolute first sign of trouble.

Now that I've thought about it a bit though, I might not say anything after all, or at least look for some sign that the mother is still unfit before setting a chain of events into motion that lead to the friend taking her son away from her.

[glassjaws]

Originally Posted by Agadefe

Tough situation, but I think you need to ask yourself:

Would you feel the same if instead of pot it was alcohol or cigarettes or just another "thing kids do sometimes when they are teenagers"? Just because the family was screwed up and pot was also involved doesn't mean that much if they were also doing harder drugs. It was definitely the harder drugs that were the issue.

If yes, and your friend wants your bro to be completely clean and would care, then maybe mention something. But not because it's 'pot' as opposed to something else, imo.

I think my friend would be pissed at his brother for booze, cigarettes, anything of the like. I wouldn't rat on him for booze, but I'm considering it for pot. So I guess I've got some inherent bias against pot. I'll admit it's because my parents smoked all the time and definitely didn't do us kids a solid by spending money on pot instead of things we needed like electricity bills in one or two rare instances.

[Dr T Non-Fan]

13 seems to be a bad age to do drugs. mm-kay? You tell kid to wait until his life is completely farked up. Then he can do drugs. Plenty of time to do drugs later. In college, for example. But you don't get to college by spending time getting high AND recovering from it. Just not enough time in the day.

Or, just ask him what he wants to do. Tell him the future is pretty wide open, but the choices you make now narrow that to a small gap. Look at the people around you. See which ones don't have to worry about the next day or the next year. You can guide him to the right decision. The rest is up to him.

Good luck.

[WYGTLMTD?]

Originally Posted by Dr T Non-Fan

getting high AND recovering from it. Just not enough time in the day.

WTF does that mean? There is no "recovering from" getting high. There isn't a hangover period like with alcohol, it is basically, high, less high, not high.