We go our seperate ways.......

In university, my best friend and I roomed with a third fellow. We partied real hard, smoked, drank, womanized and had lots of good clean fun.

My best friend and I are both now married the far side of a decade, two kids, house in the burbs, dog, the whole nine yards.

My bud just caught up with the third fellow, the following is an email from him. Makes me a bit wistful to think how he's continued his playboy ways while my friend and I are living the white picket fence life. Hard to say though who's happier. I'll never roam Asia on a motorbike, he doesn't have the comfort of kicking up his feet and saying 'this is my home and this is my family".

Sorry for the wait between emails. It's Chinese New Year in these parts, so we're officially down and I'm in the Philippines for a break.

Let's see, for a quick summary while I'm sitting in the hotel coffee shop:

1997 / 1999
Hong Kong handover, then the Asia economic crisis
Worked like a ******* / partied really hard (the ethic in Hong Kong)
Imagine going out every night of the week (except Monday, rest day) until 2 (this was early) to 3 am. We did not cook, we hardly slept.
Just worked and chased girls.
Interesting work, as a technical guy / project manager


1998 / 1999
Got lonely, tired of playing the field in Hong Kong, so I started looking for a partner, in all of places, Thailand, during holiday breaks (2 1/2 hour flight, like going to Montreal from Toronto for long weekends)

So met some Thai ladies, finally fell for one, 6 years older, with own 18 year old daughter (now 24)
Intense and difficult relationship (what would you expect from me!) over a few years, lots of commuting, with townhouse in Bangkok and apartment in Hong Kong
Imagine getting to party with your wife, daughter and her 20'sh year old friends at clubs every weekend in Bangkok
My Lonely Planet experiment - Bangkok will break your heart, every time.

2000 / 2004
Separated from ex-wife in 2002 (too many differences, in vision, financial management, etc., the usual reasons to get a divorce)
Divorced in 2004 (still friends but we move onward)
Personally, these were some of the toughest times I can recall, with pressures on the professional and personal front

I lost weight, down to 132 lbs, smoking like a chimney in the evenings / missing meals
So I called my brother to come and visit me, we headed for a retreat in the Philippines, and I quit smoking in Jan 2003 (something had to go, either eating, drinking or smoking)
My weight's stable at 140 lbs now.

Succeeded my boss in Hong Kong, and took responsibility for our office in 2001
Some good projects, continued work in Hong Kong, China and Thailand

SARS in early 2003, packed my things from Hong Kong in a small carry-on, and on the day the infections peaked in Hong Kong, and a rumour via my Filipina girlfriend that we were going to be locked in, I took a rush flight to Bangkok (thought it was possible I would never return, so I consulted my staff / my family - I was not going to die in Hong Kong!). These were some of the scariest days. We stayed home at nights, we wore masks on the transit, some wore them in the office, some staff had small kids, and we had to commute to Guangzhou, the disease epicentre in China, for our projects there.

Once the SARS declined, I also took some management role in our Bangkok office, but the market there has been difficult since the Asia crisis (1998), so I had to shut it down very recently.

Laid off our Thai staff just before the Asia tsunami. The waves destroyed my honeymoon destination on Phi Phi Island. Luckily, we were delayed by a last minute meeting on the Friday, otherwise we (my brother / I) were planning a revisit to Phi Phi for Christmas. The waves also wiped out my favorite motorcycling destination, on the south coast of Sri Lanka. Been there a couple of times for extended periods (Jan 1991 then Feb 2003). The last time I was there, in the diving resort of Hikkaduwa, I got hit by a 2 m wave and lost my glasses, so I had to head to Galle to get new glasses. The first trip there I lost my father's wedding ring on a diving trip. Both Galle and Hikkaduwa were very hard hit. Was quite depressed in the weeks following the disaster.

Have been working in Shanghai for much of the past year , where we operate a small representative office. <snip>

Became a Hong Kong permanent resident at the end of 2004. The standard of living could be better, and cross-border pollution from mainland China has increased significantly since I first came. This means I can leave now...

2005
We're starting a good project . I'd been chasing this project for over a year, now we're about to sign the paperwork. But I won't see the project through, as I'm negotiating a new arrangement with the company, to allow me to base in Toronto for most of this coming year.

Folks are getting on (early 70's), Dad in Toronto and Mom in Montreal (living in a senior's home near my sister), and hoping to see more of me.

I'm contemplating 40 next year, and it is not turning out to be a graceful transition. While I wish I could have, in a flash, a good wife and a couple of semi-grown kids in a house in the suburbs, plus a reliable faithful dog, I rotate between apartments, hotels, airports, countries, SIM cards and girlfriends like weekly sitcoms.

There's an excellent pool culture in Thailand / Philippines. One of the managers at the pool bar we hang out in Bangkok is a former pro-snooker / 9 ball player. So my game has been improving in the past 6 months. Didn't really play between 1997 to 2003.

Haven't dated a western woman since I left. Do pretty 25 year old girls date 40 year old men in Canada ? I can see a problem coming up...

Recently, have been watching X-Files DVDs from China. I'm up to Season 5, 1997. I have a lot to catch up with. Imagine no western television, no western music, no western culture for 8 years. It's like time warp.

You remember XXXX on that eventful trip to New York (when I front-ended your Escort going the wrong way on the off-ramp) ? I hadn't communicated with him since 1998. But I found him on the website a couple of weeks ago, still practising law in New York. He married a Hong Kong girl and now has 3 kids.

That's all for now. Say hi to Glen.

Off to play some pool.

[Roto]

Originally Posted by glenn

In university, my best friend and I roomed with a third fellow. We partied real hard, smoked, drank, womanized and had lots of good clean fun.

My best friend and I are both now married the far side of a decade, two kids, house in the burbs, dog, the whole nine yards.

My bud just caught up with the third fellow, the following is an email from him. Makes me a bit wistful to think how he's continued his playboy ways while my friend and I are living the white picket fence life. Hard to say though who's happier. I'll never roam Asia on a motorbike, he doesn't have the comfort of kicking up his feet and saying 'this is my home and this is my family".

You let him front-end your escort? Did he reimburse you for his share of her time?

[Loner]

Dude you're not missing anything vis a vis whoring around in Asia. My friend(straight) just got back from there and apparently picked up a rather nasty strain of drug-resistant chlamydia...

[tommie frazier]

Originally Posted by Loner

Dude you're not missing anything vis a vis whoring around in Asia. My friend(straight) just got back from there and apparently picked up a rather nasty strain of drug-resistant chlamydia...

has this friend seen our poll on STDs? another data point!

[Cannonball]

Different strokes, etc, etc, but man, count me out of that singles lifestyle. Yuck.

[Stanley Milgram]

What was it about this email that made you pine for the single life? Doesn't sound like a happy guy to me.

Not knocking single-hood. I know others who sound happier than him.

I'm not longing for the single life, just noticing how different lives have gone - two of us gone to suburbia, this guy's still living like we were in school. More likely he's thinking our lifestyle is the better of the two.

Unlike many people, I made a conscious decision to live this lifestyle. I'm quite happy living the Family Guy life.

Originally Posted by glenn

Unlike many people, I made a conscious decision to live this lifestyle.

Sometimes I think that's what it's all about.

Several close friends of mine ended up with kids quite young...late teens, early 20s. Clearly, they weren't planning on this. So, couples got married and broke up, etc.

But watching them struggle as young (maybe too young?) parents, and not ever having a chance to be a young single adult, I basically got the idea that "kids" = "end of fun."

No...I think I'm changing my mind on that. You get to a point where it all gets old, and the idea of going to little league games seems more appealing than getting wasted at a night club. I think the difference it when it's a choice, not an accident.

[Elston Gunn]

Originally Posted by Titania

You get to a point where it all gets old, and the idea of going to little league games seems more appealing than getting wasted at a night club. I think the difference it when it's a choice, not an accident.

Get wasted at Little League games. The best of both worlds.

[Moe Szyslak]

Originally Posted by Titania

Sometimes I think that's what it's all about.

Several close friends of mine ended up with kids quite young...late teens, early 20s. Clearly, they weren't planning on this. So, couples got married and broke up, etc.

But watching them struggle as young (maybe too young?) parents, and not ever having a chance to be a young single adult, I basically got the idea that "kids" = "end of fun."

No...I think I'm changing my mind on that. You get to a point where it all gets old, and the idea of going to little league games seems more appealing than getting wasted at a night club. I think the difference it when it's a choice, not an accident.

I couldn't agree more.

I think people want to go out and have fun and not have responsibilities, but some people get stuck in their ways and feel that this is the only way to have fun.

Glenn, your friend sounds like he is realizing this now and feels he is too old to start the family thing. If it ever comes up further in conversation, I would encourage him that to look more for what he wants going forward - the family, and less what he has had for the past 20 years - young attractive 25 year old women. He may find one back in Canada now, but she will only be 25 for a few months.