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  #21  
Old 10-18-2019, 03:48 PM
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JollyGoodFCAS JollyGoodFCAS is offline
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Originally Posted by Adam View Post
I don't remember hearing the word "queer" used as a slur in a long, long time. It definitely was when I was a kid in the mid 80's, but I don't remember hearing it at all after high school. If you're 12-24 now, maybe you've never heard that word used as a slur. But if you're my age, I can see how you might be reluctant to just embrace it.
I keep thinking of summer camp in New England when some girl with a Boston accent called one of my friends a "quee-ah"
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  #22  
Old 10-18-2019, 07:47 PM
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  #23  
Old 10-18-2019, 09:22 PM
Dr T Non-Fan Dr T Non-Fan is offline
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  #24  
Old 10-19-2019, 02:30 AM
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I'll give my $0.02 as a 20-something gay man.

I definitely see a generational divide on whether "queer" is offensive. My uncles are still uncomfortable with the term because they experienced it as a pejorative when they were coming of age. Personally, I never experienced that, so I don't feel the same sting when I hear it now (the F word is a different story).

I think it's acceptable, especially with a younger audience, to use the word queer as an umbrella term for the LGBT community (as an adjective, not a noun). To me, it feels more inclusive than LGBT, but less of a mouthful than LGBTQIA+. Some people specifically identify as queer. And with a show like "Queer Eye" becoming popular in mainstream culture, we see more frequent use of the word without the negative connotations.

Lastly, I would say it's fine for cis-het people to use, assuming you're an ally and the context is appropriate. If you referenced "queer folk" while discussing LGBT issues, I wouldn't think anything of it (though my uncles might). In the same vein, I wouldn't take offense if the word picked up in AO discussions, but not everyone will agree. Considering how rapidly language and attitudes have evolved on these issues, I doubt you'll find a satisfying consensus.
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  #25  
Old 10-19-2019, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by El Actuario View Post
Considering how rapidly language and attitudes have evolved on these issues, I doubt you'll find a satisfying consensus.
and you also must keep in mind that it might not matter if 999/1,000 LGBT people aren't offended by it if that 1,000th person that is offended is loud and/or very convincing about being offended by it.

The 1 offended person won't necessarily change any of the 999's minds about whether they find it offensive, but being personally offended and being supportive/defensive of someone else who is offended are often very similar in practice but have extremely different rage thresholds.

Also remember that none of the above takes into account cis-het SJW that make it their purpose in life to be offended for other people just for the attention. It's often best to just avoid any non-sanctioned terms and just say "LGBT community" at the beginning of the conversation and stick to they/them pronouns afterwards. Someone, somewhere will still be offended by this, but their reasons will likely be ridiculous enough that no one will bother agreeing with them.
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  #26  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by NerdAlert View Post
I know I heard it as a slur in high school in the early 2000's, and I've been told even until recently that it's not okay to use unless you're reclaiming it. And as a cishet, I always felt I had no business using it since I wouldn't be reclaiming it.
No offense, but you must be much younger than your posts make you look.

What's a cishet?
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  #27  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:21 PM
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I attended a training with my foster agency last night, as I do every month. The topic was on LGBTQ+ youth, and our speaker was a member of the community who heads up outreach and training for a local rec center specifically for members of the community ages 12 to 24.

She said that they have begun rebranding many of their materials from LGBTQ+ to using just the word "queer" as an umbrella term because of its all-encompassing nature and accepted usage, especially among that age group.

Some of the members in attendance at this training, and most notably an older gay couple, said the word is still offensive to them and they won't use it, nor identify themselves that way.

The speaker got into a history of the word, the reclamation of it, and how its use can be offensive or not depending on the audience, and how of course if you're using it as a derogatory, you're using it wrong. If a person identifies as queer, it's fine to call them queer, and if you're a member of the community, it's fine to reclaim the word for yourself, but otherwise tread lightly.

As someone who isn't in the community, I don't feel that I can use that word to describe the community as a whole, and certainly wouldn't ever use it to describe a person who doesn't self-identify specifically that way (e.g. queer, genderqueer, possibly others?).

Is this word still taboo? As a non-member of the community, would it be acceptable to describe the LGBTQ+ community that way on the AO (in a non-hateful way), or is it still a word that can only be used by the community? I want to be accepting and embracing, and using the preferred language of a community is very important, but this feels like it could easily go too far with the wrong audience.
I have nothing meaningful to add to the discussion of "the Q word," but can we all come to consensus that the word "community" is overused & can go die in a tire fire?
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  #28  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by NerdAlert View Post
I attended a training with my foster agency last night, as I do every month. The topic was on LGBTQ+ youth, and our speaker was a member of the community who heads up outreach and training for a local rec center specifically for members of the community ages 12 to 24.

She said that they have begun rebranding many of their materials from LGBTQ+ to using just the word "queer" as an umbrella term because of its all-encompassing nature and accepted usage, especially among that age group.

Some of the members in attendance at this training, and most notably an older gay couple, said the word is still offensive to them and they won't use it, nor identify themselves that way.

The speaker got into a history of the word, the reclamation of it, and how its use can be offensive or not depending on the audience, and how of course if you're using it as a derogatory, you're using it wrong. If a person identifies as queer, it's fine to call them queer, and if you're a member of the community, it's fine to reclaim the word for yourself, but otherwise tread lightly.

As someone who isn't in the community, I don't feel that I can use that word to describe the community as a whole, and certainly wouldn't ever use it to describe a person who doesn't self-identify specifically that way (e.g. queer, genderqueer, possibly others?).

Is this word still taboo? As a non-member of the community, would it be acceptable to describe the LGBTQ+ community that way on the AO (in a non-hateful way), or is it still a word that can only be used by the community? I want to be accepting and embracing, and using the preferred language of a community is very important, but this feels like it could easily go too far with the wrong audience.
The problem will solve itself without your involvement. If your kid gets the crap beaten out of them by their peers for using it, they'll figure it out on their own.
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  #29  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:46 PM
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I am speaking for myself, and speculating. I have not discussed this with the other mods.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reposted Tolkien View Post
'I have an odd feeling about these Ents:
somehow I don't think they are quite as
safe and, well, funny as they seem. They
seem slow, queer, and patient, almost sad.'
I grew up reading older literature, and did not catch on to the fact that some people used it as a perjorative until a friend corrected me when I described myself as queer, meaning it in the sense above. So despite being of an age that many people had bad experiences with the word, I didn't, and it doesn't feel perjorative to me.

I'm also a member of the broader community of, um, queer allies. I have a few friends who self identify as queer, and others who go to events with names like "queer church services". I'm sure i also know people who would feel uncomfortable being called queer.

My gut feeling is that the ao will not censor the word if it's used in good faith, unless someone reports that they are offended. I would argue against infractions unless the post appears mean-spirited, or someone persists in using the word after being asked not to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyo View Post
A cop knelt and kissed the feet of a priest,
And a queer threw up at the sight of that
I think it's offensive when used as a noun. I would discourage this usage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcie View Post
No offense, but you must be much younger than your posts make you look.

What's a cishet?
"cishet" is short for "cisgender and heterosexual". Basically, "not queer".
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  #30  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Marcie View Post

What's a cishet?
cisgender and heterosexual.
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