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  #11  
Old 02-12-2020, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by RomanticActuary View Post
Just to clarify, this person is rude even with me. Thats the most surprising thing to me that how can someone be so naive to not realize something can hurt their career.
You might want to refer him to this book:

https://amzn.to/31Q5wdW

If he's young then the only thing he's had to do to get to this point was to pass exams. He'll only learn after failing miserably due to his poor people skills. Even then maybe he won't learn. But the only thing I've found effective at behaviour modification is spectacular failure.

Unfortunately you're responsible if things fail, maybe that's why bossess shield such employees from the consequences that are needed for their development. Your bosses would have to be on board for learning by failure to work.
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Don't you even think about sending me your resume. I'll turn it into an origami boulder and return it to you.
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  #12  
Old 02-12-2020, 01:34 PM
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You'll probably need some cooperation from the bosses too. They need to refer the guy to you for the trivial stuff rather than taking care of it and then passively telling you to pick up the also. Otherwise they're kind of just paying lip service.
Yeah, honestly, you will look sort of petty and controlling if you say, "don't talk to my boss, take everything to me, first." You need either your boss to tell them, "hey, I'm pretty busy right now, could you please talk to RA about that?" or else have someone else at the new person's level to say, "hey, I've noticed you've been asked RA's boss a lot of questions. RA's boss is generous with their time, but they are actually a really busy person. You should try to resolve simple stuff with RA, or with us, your co-workers, before bothering the boss."
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  #13  
Old 02-12-2020, 01:42 PM
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Let him take ownership over one of his own ideas as part of his personal development. When nobody listens to his ideas or gives him resources, maybe he'll start to identify the problem.

You might have to take a ding yourself since you are his boss, but that's part of being a leader. I would rather have the ding now than further down the line.
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Don't you even think about sending me your resume. I'll turn it into an origami boulder and return it to you.
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  #14  
Old 02-12-2020, 01:59 PM
RomanticActuary RomanticActuary is offline
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Originally Posted by Colonel Smoothie View Post
Let him take ownership over one of his own ideas as part of his personal development. When nobody listens to his ideas or gives him resources, maybe he'll start to identify the problem.

You might have to take a ding yourself since you are his boss, but that's part of being a leader. I would rather have the ding now than further down the line.
Yeah.

I feel like these things are part of the job. Part of being a leader. Not everything goes smoothly. Different people and jobs have different type of issues. Some have ******* managers. Some have colleagues that are jerks. This is just my own situation that I'll have to deal one way or another.

I actually feel better after reading responses in this thread.
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  #15  
Old 02-12-2020, 02:33 PM
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you need to provide the feedback to him, and sooner than later. either he's aware he acts like this or he's not. And either he'll do something to adjust his attitude and how he operates or he won't. regardless, you have pointed it out to him and let him know that it's not a behavior to be tolerated. whether he wants to adjust or continue down this path (with no good ending) is up to him

if you're new at feedback, I strongly recommend the SBI model. keep it to observable facts and how it impacted YOU, there is nothing to be debated that way (assuming they are someone willing to debate).

I've used it on difficult employees before and while it doesn't make the conversation NOT awkward, it helps.
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  #16  
Old 02-12-2020, 02:47 PM
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you need to provide the feedback to him, and sooner than later. either he's aware he acts like this or he's not. And either he'll do something to adjust his attitude and how he operates or he won't. regardless, you have pointed it out to him and let him know that it's not a behavior to be tolerated. whether he wants to adjust or continue down this path (with no good ending) is up to him

if you're new at feedback, I strongly recommend the SBI model. keep it to observable facts and how it impacted YOU, there is nothing to be debated that way (assuming they are someone willing to debate).

I've used it on difficult employees before and while it doesn't make the conversation NOT awkward, it helps.


You really need to address the overall issue with him, not just wait for him to crash and burn.
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  #17  
Old 02-12-2020, 06:45 PM
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Echoing everyone else, but as a manager you have to be willing to give feedback, definitely not just at annual review time, but all year. Ideally set up recurring meetings with your direct report, but if not, establish a culture where you regularly give both positive and negative feedback on the spot, so that feedback doesn't become a big event to be afraid of but rather just part of your day to day experience working together.
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  #18  
Old 02-12-2020, 10:58 PM
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Document the behavior.
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  #19  
Old 02-13-2020, 09:07 AM
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In talking to the person, be sure to emphasize that he's giving the perception of being rude. And point out that this perception will hamper career progression and project assignment; may not be now, but it definitely will later on.

But by emphasizing things from a "perception perspective" deflates the issue from one of direct accusation of "being rude" to one where a discussion can be made of what's in the person's control to mitigate that perception.
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  #20  
Old 02-13-2020, 09:36 AM
RomanticActuary RomanticActuary is offline
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Document the behavior.
Yup, I've been doing that. Taking snapshots of Skype chat, as well as simply recording the date/time of specific incidents. So should the time of performance reviews come, I have the specific incidents to back up the feedback.
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