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  #41  
Old 06-12-2018, 06:49 PM
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there was a guy like that at my previous job. wasn't married and would talk to every new girl who started. he was a creep. he once pulled my hair and I told him to get the hell away from me, and he never bothered me again. I heard he got accused of stalking a few girls. he eventually got fired cause he sucked at his job and not for the whole creep factor.
I suspect there is some correlation between a lack of social skills and the inability to hold down a job.
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  #42  
Old 06-12-2018, 06:50 PM
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Fair enough but trust me on this, the conversations that happen about you are very different if you are married.

Also, if you are an older dude and spend a lot of time at younger women's desks and you don't really have a work reason to be spending that much time with them.

If you are a younger unmarried guy you might get asked to keep the socializing down. If you are one of the two aforementioned, it will be on the list of cons about you. That list eventually gets you fired. I've seen it happen.
Yeah the definition of "inordinate amount of time" may vary slightly between classes of men but probably not a ton if you're talking strictly during work hours.
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  #43  
Old 06-12-2018, 08:27 PM
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Kind of disagree on the married guy comments.

In some jobs, being social and internal networking are rather important, and people being too careful about whether to be friendly with women can hold women back in their careers, because they miss out on the informal mentors / business relationships that some men may get. For example, going out for drinks after work can be time to learn about internal politics, talk with more senior managers, get to know coworkers outside of a strict work environment, which can pay off when opportunities for promotions and transfers arise. If guys are hesitant to talk too much to women at lunch or happy hour or while getting coffee, that has a chance of holding some women back, especially at more male dominated workplaces.

That's not to say flirt with everyone but don't consciously avoid talking to women either.
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  #44  
Old 06-12-2018, 08:29 PM
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Could you expand on a comment from lesson one regarding your disagreement with the advice to "say what you mean" (that seems to be correct in the context of this thread) and "mean what you say." What's the objection to the latter?
Yes of course. Taken literally I have no objection. Unless Im misremembering what I wrote, when I said that in the other thread I was referring to people who would describe themselves as Straight Shooters, not afraid to speak their mind no matter what the consequences, Etc. People are very rarely like this.
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  #45  
Old 06-12-2018, 08:33 PM
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Kind of disagree on the married guy comments.

In some jobs, being social and internal networking are rather important, and people being too careful about whether to be friendly with women can hold women back in their careers, because they miss out on the informal mentors / business relationships that some men may get. For example, going out for drinks after work can be time to learn about internal politics, talk with more senior managers, get to know coworkers outside of a strict work environment, which can pay off when opportunities for promotions and transfers arise. If guys are hesitant to talk too much to women at lunch or happy hour or while getting coffee, that has a chance of holding some women back, especially at more male dominated workplaces.

That's not to say flirt with everyone but don't consciously avoid talking to women either.
Listen, I don't mean to be rude but this is not at all what I am talking about. I am talking about if a man and a woman in the office spend a lot of time together alone, in the lunchroom, at each other's desks, taking walks around the office or around the business park or whatever. it becomes obvious, people notice it, people talk about it, people spread rumors and make assumptions. I thought I was being clear but maybe I need to work on my own communication skills because I don't know how to be any more clear than that.
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  #46  
Old 06-12-2018, 08:50 PM
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I get it. But thought it worth mentioning that that type of advice has been known to make some guys nervous to spend much time with female coworkers at all, for fear of it looking like something else is happening when it isn't.

For example, going out to lunch one on one. Fine between guys but some people raise eyebrows when an older guy and younger woman do.

Last edited by lllj; 06-12-2018 at 08:53 PM..
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  #47  
Old 06-12-2018, 09:53 PM
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
Listen, I don't mean to be rude but this is not at all what I am talking about. I am talking about if a man and a woman in the office spend a lot of time together alone, in the lunchroom, at each other's desks, taking walks around the office or around the business park or whatever. it becomes obvious, people notice it, people talk about it, people spread rumors and make assumptions. I thought I was being clear but maybe I need to work on my own communication skills because I don't know how to be any more clear than that.
Are you talking about "work spouses"? That's what this sounds like.

If not, then you need to just say what you mean.
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  #48  
Old 06-12-2018, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
Listen, I don't mean to be rude but this is not at all what I am talking about. I am talking about if a man and a woman in the office spend a lot of time together alone, in the lunchroom, at each other's desks, taking walks around the office or around the business park or whatever. it becomes obvious, people notice it, people talk about it, people spread rumors and make assumptions. I thought I was being clear but maybe I need to work on my own communication skills because I don't know how to be any more clear than that.
Ah this makes more sense. I have seen that once before and they definitely raised a lot of eyebrows.
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  #49  
Old 06-12-2018, 10:20 PM
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
Listen, I don't mean to be rude but this is not at all what I am talking about. I am talking about if a man and a woman in the office spend a lot of time together alone, in the lunchroom, at each other's desks, taking walks around the office or around the business park or whatever. it becomes obvious, people notice it, people talk about it, people spread rumors and make assumptions. I thought I was being clear but maybe I need to work on my own communication skills because I don't know how to be any more clear than that.
I agree with you. I've seen this happen a few times.
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  #50  
Old 06-12-2018, 11:34 PM
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I get it. But thought it worth mentioning that that type of advice has been known to make some guys nervous to spend much time with female coworkers at all, for fear of it looking like something else is happening when it isn't.

For example, going out to lunch one on one. Fine between guys but some people raise eyebrows when an older guy and younger woman do.
Only if it happens a lot in which case the raised eyebrows are probably warranted.
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