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  #31  
Old 06-29-2018, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by KernelMustard View Post
The call to fire the hiring manager was actually serious. Like how could you not discern any of these problems during the hiring process.

I also knew most people would be triggered by that statement in here because they come here instead of actually conversing with their coworkers, much like OP but to lesser degree. The AO is their safe space. The snowflake statement was obvious trolling.
Some one came here asking for help and struggling with serious issues, and you choose to be an ******* about it.

People like you are what's wrong with the world.
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  #32  
Old 06-29-2018, 12:19 PM
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Thanks for all the kind words everyone — especially Ronaldy who was able to share a few of his own experiences through PM.

To address some concerns, I will say that I have a very strong resume and great interviewing skills. It’s unlikely for the hiring manager to detect my problems cause I can be social in 1 on 1 situations for 40 minutes if all I’m being asked is questions. Small talk, lunch meetings, and long lasting relationships are what I have trouble with.

Last edited by shadowrunner; 06-29-2018 at 01:57 PM..
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  #33  
Old 06-29-2018, 01:22 PM
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I started an actuarial internship about a month ago and I absolutely hate my life. I always had anxiety and I have not been able to interact very well with most of the interns (just made 1 acquaintance). They aren't rude or anything, but I always had trouble socializing and I was fine with keeping to myself. My manager however has been encouraging me to hang out with the interns more and said behavior is a big part of whether or not you get a return offer (which I'm probably not going to get). I smile and stuff when I'm listening to people talk, but I just can't join the conversation. At this point, the interns have also stopped trying to talk to me cause they feel hopeless about me as well. The thing is I CANT interact with them...idk... i need to talk to a shrink or something, but I just get too anxious and have nothing in common. Furthermore, this has been affecting my work performance because I lack the courage to ask help from the other interns if I have any. I thus go to my manager for all my questions, but I'm starting to feel this is a problem because he wants me to find my own connections to get help. So now I'm hesitating to get help at all, which I know is worse than getting help from only my manager.

Right now I realize an office position probably won't be the right fit for me and that I will have to look elsewhere for a career. Until I fix my personal problems, I will probably have trouble in any office position.

What is freaking me out even more is that in a month the company sends interns that "meet expectations" to the headquarters and I feel like I'm most probably not going to get selected. This isn't meant to be a difficult thing to achieve... I very strongly believe I will be the only intern to not travel. I can't help but feel embarrassed that I will not only look like an outcast, but people will also realize that I am a complete failure at my work. I wouldn't care normally, but some of these people go to my school and I'll have to confront them again. I know this isn't a problem for most of you, but I can't help but feel guilty and embarrassed and inferior.

Moreover, I also don't catch whats happening in meetings. My manager brings me along to his meetings with his manager and the rest of the team, and I don't understand anything. They talk about what they're working on and I usually ask my manager 2-3 questions after the meeting just to make it seem like I'm paying attention but I barely understand whats going on. Furthermore, I find these meetings very very boring. I try to control myself, but I yawn atleast twice an hour during each meeting. I know this looks bad and I try to cover it, but I think people start to notice. I try to pay attention, but things just go in one ear and out the other.


I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking for, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I'll be graduating in 6 months and will most probably need to figure out what I'm going to do after college, but right now I am horribly depressed. I hate waking up in the morning -- I get stomach cramps during breakfast just knowing that I'll have to face my manager and the other interns today. Everyday I'm stressing my boss telling me I'm not travelling to the headquarters, and I'm not sure what I'll be doing if I'm the only intern in the office.... I just feel completely defeated.
Do you generally have problems making friends and having casual conversations with people your own age? Or only at this internship?
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  #34  
Old 06-29-2018, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
Do you generally have problems making friends and having casual conversations with people your own age? Or only at this internship?
General.... but it never bothered me too much. I just donít have interesting hobbies or anything so Iíll work on that for now. I think thatís kinda key to developing relationships.
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  #35  
Old 06-29-2018, 02:25 PM
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I think many actuaries tend to be introverts, but it's all a matter of degree. I still remember attending a reception for new ACAS's at the CAS meeting when I got mine. Looking into the room I saw a lot of groups of folks who appeared to know each other already, laughing and having fun. I had spent my pre ACAS years at a small company and knew no one in there. The heart rate and BP shot up and I badly wanted to turn around and head back to the room, slip on my jammy pants, and read the book I was currently absorbed in. And that's still one of my least favorite situations, when you enter a reception or party where you know few, if any, peeps and your "job" is to enter, mingle, network. Over the years I've developed a strategy to just start drinking until the alcohol kicks in, and then I find I can get my network on without (I think....) embarrassing myself.

But that's a fairly rare and extreme situation. I've never had any problems relating to others and working in teams in the office. If you are someone who struggles with that, you obviously can't use the alcohol strategy because you would be drinking about every work day and you'd wind up in AA
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  #36  
Old 06-29-2018, 02:30 PM
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In that case, find someone who's also alone, and start a conversation. He/she is probably feeling the same, and would like someone to warm up to them.
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  #37  
Old 06-29-2018, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ronaldy27 View Post
In that case, find someone who's also alone, and start a conversation. He/she is probably feeling the same, and would like someone to warm up to them.
I can do that. But first I will find the alcohol. And once that kicks in, I find I'm willing to join into about any conversation and talk to about anyone. And I don't think I make a fool out of myself. Of course my perception may not match reality, but .... I've wound up exchanging cards and hearing back from others who said "really enjoyed meeting you".

Networking events were more common for me during my brief tenure in consulting. Now they are more rare, but still send my BP shooting up.

And, again, I'm obviously not recommending alcohol to the OP. Just describing a social situation I detest that a true extrovert, like my wife - who feeds off of social interactions and meeting new and interesting people - would naturally enjoy immensely
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  #38  
Old 06-29-2018, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Woodrow View Post
Say whatever you want in NAT, but this is a professional part of the board.
what KernelMustard said isn't even appropriate for NAT imo.
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  #39  
Old 06-29-2018, 03:05 PM
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I can do that. But first I will find the alcohol. And once that kicks in, I find I'm willing to join into about any conversation and talk to about anyone. And I don't think I make a fool out of myself. Of course my perception may not match reality, but .... I've wound up exchanging cards and hearing back from others who said "really enjoyed meeting you".

Networking events were more common for me during my brief tenure in consulting. Now they are more rare, but still send my BP shooting up.

And, again, I'm obviously not recommending alcohol to the OP. Just describing a social situation I detest that a true extrovert, like my wife - who feeds off of social interactions and meeting new and interesting people - would naturally enjoy immensely
My manager (non-actuary) told me how whenever he goes to these actuarial events, he'd initially see very reserved actuaries but once they get some alcohol in their systems, they'd turn into different people. haha

Right before I went to the ERM symposium (pretty much for high senior level risk managers), I felt a little anxious I'd get myself into your type of situation where I won't be able to fit in with these much older and experienced actuaries/risk managers but it turned out fine. I'm glad no one asked me "...so how are you running your ERM program?"
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  #40  
Old 06-29-2018, 03:21 PM
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I started editing the quotes of the trolling, unprofessional posts, and it was getting ridiculous, so I soft deleted the quoting posts. Sorry if that affects your post count, but I figured you all would have just sent me a message saying "I'd rather you just delete the post", so I did.

For posters in this thread, before you post something, I suggest you "read the room" - as most posters determined (and I agree with him), this OP is in trouble, and surely needs advice/help, not unhelpful snark.

The two offenders earned points.

If the OP would like to have the thread locked and/or deleted, s/he just has to ask (hit the "report post" button - red triangle with ! in it), and when it asks for a comment, just type "please delete thread."

I think some of the posters here have offered some useful advice. I hope you'll read those and ignore the ones that don't resonate with you.
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