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  #171  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:30 PM
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DyalDragon DyalDragon is offline
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
I don't really remember but i think I dried something she wanted hung to dry so it wouldn't shrink. I also don't use softer as religiously as she does. I mean, those are legit things that I would do the way she wanted but she pretty much said don't bother, I'll do it. But that isn't what i was angling for, though I'm not complaining.
Went through a similar situation when my wife and I first started living together. It was just her jeans that had special instructions, and she had enough pairs to make a full wash load on their own so it wasn't that big of a deal.
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  #172  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:32 PM
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If he's interested, he might benefit from a project plan for his favorite meals. I did this for my New Year's Eve party, because it was complicated to get everything cooked at more-or-less the same time. Basically, write up a detailed recipe for him, (or help him do it) with times to start pre-heating the oven, times to start cutting the meat, etc.

He might prefer completing supper in less time. Or, maybe he likes having some down-time as he cooks, and the order that he is using works for him.
These were super helpful to me, early on in my learning to cook. Really opened up my eyes to how much time could be saved with careful planning. Once you've done it a few times, you start to figure out how to apply it to other meals. It seems so obvious, but even with my wife telling me at an abstract level that's how I should do it, I needed a specific plan spelled out for me a couple of times to really get it.

There was also a transitional phase where I would run my plan past my wife to get her thoughts, and she would help me tweak it to make it even more efficient. She never minded, because I'd made the attempt to think it through myself, and she only had to fine-tune. But that makes sense, as I find the same for myself in work situations: It drives me crazy when people come to me with a problem and ask me to think through a solution from beginning to end. It's far less onerous for me if they've come up with a plan of attack, and I just help them tweak it.
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  #173  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:36 PM
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However, for real-life example, I prefer that the entire meal is ready to eat at the same time (i.e. I don't want the potatoes first, then the meat ready 15 minutes later, followed by some special veggie dish 30 minutes later).
My wife having patience in this aspect of cooking was critical to us getting where we are today. There were times when I would plan things out, but something in my planning took longer than I expected, and it screwed up the overall timing, so that not everything was ready at the same time. If my wife had thrown a fit about it, I'd have been tempted to say, "Screw it. You do all the meals." But she was very kind and reassuring that it was ok to have stuff out of order, while I was learning the ropes. That encouraged me to try more and more things, which benefited us with a much greater variety of foods that I was willing to make.
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  #174  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:53 PM
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We had a family rule: because 5 year olds are picky eaters, they don't have to eat anything they don't want to. It was understood that 6 year olds had to try new foods again.

There's actually been a lot of research into food preferences, and while some are more-or-less hardcoded, quite a lot depends on what you are exposed to. I think they say that if you make a kid taste something 7 times (or thereabouts) they will usually learn to like it.
This is similar to our approach. We make our kids try stuff. If they don't like it, we say, "You might like it when your taste buds change." About a year later, we'll have them try it again. This approach worked wonderfully for our first two kids. The third is still a picky eater at age 11, but she's very gradually improving.
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  #175  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:05 PM
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I agree with your last sentence - in our case, initially anyways, he would be like "hey the potatoes are ready if you're hungry". I always politely refused until everything was ready, and I could tell he was a little miffed at first, like I was being picky. My example was a bit exaggerated, but yes, I finally had to explain that I don't care to eat in "stages" (for what should be a fully plated "course") and I will just wait until everything is ready.
My wife did this at first, until she realized it bugged me. If I took the time and effort to cook something, I wanted her to eat it at its best. Yes, there are some foods you can "hold" and they're just fine. But others don't, and they also don't respond well to microwaving. So her being patient and flexible (and appreciative) were all really important to me.

Not saying you're clearly in the wrong. Just offering a suggestion that may be helpful to you.
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  #176  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:25 PM
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His biggest hurdle really is estimating the amount of time it is going to take him to wash and cut the veggies. It will come with practice.
Yes! This was by far the biggest learning curve for me.

Getting one of those V-slicer things was super helpful for me. I don't use it a lot now that I'm better with a knife. But early on, it was huge for getting meals timed right.
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  #177  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:30 PM
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Cooking sounds like a huge pain in the ass, no wonder I do it so rarely.
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  #178  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:30 PM
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Originally Posted by DyalDragon View Post
A regular cookbook will have you chop 1 thing then throw it in a pan, and then chop something else while that is cooking and add it after a certain amount of time, which is a pain in the arse imo. If you're slow at chopping (like I am sometimes) then you start panicking that you're going to burn whatever veggie or meat you're browning, or you end up having to take the pan off the burner to give yourself more time and it cools off and things don't cook evenly, or any number of other issues that come from trying to do too many things at once. Online recipes can be even worse, because half the time you get random ads or pictures that fit into the print area weirdly and make it even more confusing because the text gets broken up.
YES! It used to drive my wife crazy that I didn't want to start cooking anything until I had all the chopping done. But I did it for this very reason. Like I said, I suck at multitasking. So something would burn on one side because I forgot about it while I was chopping. Doing all the chopping first was the only way to prevent this. I eventually got fast enough at chopping that this is no longer a problem. But it took a while (and a super helpful knife skills class at a local cooking store) to get to this point.
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  #179  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by fdsafdsa View Post
Cooking sounds like a huge pain in the ass, no wonder I do it so rarely.
Like anything, there's a learning curve. It gets fun eventually, especially if you stick to things until you're comfortable doing them, establish some confidence, and then move on from there.
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  #180  
Old 10-16-2019, 07:49 PM
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I don't have ADHD but this idea of ADHD cookbooks is intriguing. I have a hard time with coordinating things, so like Egghead, I'll often do all the prep work possible ahead of time, because I don't chop fast enough or I'll forget to stir or flip something cooking while I'm supposed to prep for the next step. Sometimes I completely miss a step and wonder why I have some ingredient left over.

Any cookbook suggestions?

Last edited by JFG; 10-16-2019 at 07:52 PM..
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