How old is too old to have kids?

[PeppermintPatty]

Originally Posted by campbell

I have no idea how independent he'll get to be. Right now, he's definitely not functional at his age level (6). He's not fully potty-trained and still eats baby food. He doesn't talk in any normal way. On the other hand, he reads and spells pretty well compared to normal kids his age.

That said, we've met parents who had kids that were as bad as D, if not worse, at his age, but are independently functional as adults. Often the dividing line comes at adolescence. They'll always be "off", but they could become actuaries.

I guess I don't find this so scary given I have several family members who work in the special needs system, so I have an idea what group homes, etc., are like.

See, I would find that scary. I have a friend with an autistic kid, and he's basically taken over her life. He sounds a lot like your kid. He'll repeat phrases, and sometimes they are sort of appropriate. He can use words to ask for some basic things, like a favorite food. He loves playing with the iPad. He seems to like people, which is a big plus. But he's already about 12 and doesn't toilet himself well, or dress himself properly, or bathe himself independantly. It's hard to imagine he could ever live in his own, so it's not like he will grow up and his mom will become free of that responsibility. If he had a single parent, I think the situation would be completely non-viable. He's a sweet kid, but I'm very glad he's not my responsibility.

[Uggie]

Originally Posted by campbell

I have no idea how independent he'll get to be. Right now, he's definitely not functional at his age level (6). He's not fully potty-trained and still eats baby food. He doesn't talk in any normal way. On the other hand, he reads and spells pretty well compared to normal kids his age.

That said, we've met parents who had kids that were as bad as D, if not worse, at his age, but are independently functional as adults. Often the dividing line comes at adolescence. They'll always be "off", but they could become actuaries.

I guess I don't find this so scary given I have several family members who work in the special needs system, so I have an idea what group homes, etc., are like.

Is the special needs system pretty good then? That's nice to hear.

I have a friend with a severely bi-polar sibling, and group homes don't seem to work well. Not because of the quality of the home, but because the sibling doesn't like staying in them. Of course bi polar and autistic are completely different conditions.

[Loner]

My autistic nephew had to be moved to a group home when he was 15/16 after a freakout in a doctor's office. He's 6'4" and 240 and basically figured out he's strong enough that nobody can make him do what he doesn't want to do. He seems to be calmer now but his mother can't handle him full-time. I'm not exactly sure how it works whether he's technically been emancipated but I do know my brother pays an amount roughly equal to the child support he used to pay his ex to the state now.

[secondlife]

Originally Posted by ao fan

not even close.

OK, so I never seen autistic one; only in movies. I've seen kids with down and they seem to need surgeries; I've seen a few paraplegic kids, the cause was delivery problems.

[campbell]

Originally Posted by Uggie

Is the special needs system pretty good then? That's nice to hear.

I have a friend with a severely bi-polar sibling, and group homes don't seem to work well. Not because of the quality of the home, but because the sibling doesn't like staying in them. Of course bi polar and autistic are completely different conditions.

It differs by location. We happen to be in an area with very good services, for a variety of reasons. If D can't be mainstreamed by high school, they have a special needs school that serves the wider area, and it just so happens to be located within our town (very convenient... as opposed to when we had to send D 30 miles away for preschool)

[QMO]

Originally Posted by PeppermintPatty

[examples of difficulties with raising a certain autistic child]...He's a sweet kid, but I'm very glad he's not my responsibility.

Sometimes I feel the same way, but then I consider changing my own kids' diapers with changing diapers for other kids.

It's not that I ever loved changing my own kids' diapers, but not only did I not every really mind it, but the difference is such that it's like it's not even the same task as changing other kids' diapers.

[QMO]

Originally Posted by ao fan

...If I got preggers ... with a handicapped child, I couldn't just put it to sleep...

I assume you weren't thinking of this, but people do it.

[ao fan]

Originally Posted by QMO

I assume you weren't thinking of this, but people do it.

well, i could get an abortion if it was diagnosed before i gave birth, but with something like autism, they can't diagnose it while the baby is still in the womb.