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  #1  
Old 05-21-2018, 01:37 PM
CowboyGuy CowboyGuy is online now
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Default What's your criteria for self respect Vs. avoiding conflict?

Its a little open question but suppose you work in a team where one of your colleagues treats you like crap. Both you and them are equally important for the team and losing either of you would equally hurt the overall team.

You want to be a team player but you also have self respect and don't appreciate the way he/she treats you. At the same time you also want to avoid conflicts and don't want to come out as someone who has difficulty in getting along with people, especially complicated people.

At what point would you say f*** it, enough is enough and I'm gonna hit back whenever I'm maligned, confronted or treated badly by this person, either separately in person with him/her or in front of others?
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:42 PM
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Tricky situation. I think no matter what you do there's always going to be someone out there who hates you. But if you can build a good reputation for yourself within your organization such that in critical situations, concerning decisions about your future, if you can have everyone else in the room going to bat for you and it's only this one bad apple badmouthing you then you're going to be okay. It also helps if that person has a bad reputation as well.

On the other hand, if they have influence over high ranking people who take what they say seriously, then that's not a good situation.
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:52 PM
nonlnear nonlnear is offline
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Avoiding conflict != being a team player.

Need more details on what kind of crap treatment we are talking about here. Sometimes the best way to be a team player is to get the rotten apple cut from the team. And sometimes the best way to be a team player is to find yourself a team that you actually want to play for.
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:55 PM
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If things have gotten to the point where you are phrasing your inner monologue in terms of 'X vs. having self-respect' it's time to change your situation - one way or another. F*** the "team", because the team is f***ing you. Are you making wheelbarrows full of money for taking this bullshit?
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:56 PM
CowboyGuy CowboyGuy is online now
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Originally Posted by Colonel Smoothie View Post
Tricky situation. I think no matter what you do there's always going to be someone out there who hates you. But if you can build a good reputation for yourself within your organization such that in critical situations, concerning decisions about your future, if you can have everyone else in the room going to bat for you and it's only this one bad apple badmouthing you then you're going to be okay. It also helps if that person has a bad reputation as well.

On the other hand, if they have influence over high ranking people who take what they say seriously, then that's not a good situation.
Excellent response and you touched the points well. What makes it further tricky are the fact that both the bolded parts are true.

This person has extremely bad reputation, but is a little more experienced in the team as well.

PS: I don't think hate is involved here at all. Its more of a personality issue and lack of good communication skills issue here with them.

Last edited by CowboyGuy; 05-21-2018 at 02:07 PM..
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by nonlnear View Post
Avoiding conflict != being a team player.

Need more details on what kind of crap treatment we are talking about here. Sometimes the best way to be a team player is to get the rotten apple cut from the team. And sometimes the best way to be a team player is to find yourself a team that you actually want to play for.
Not respecting your opinions/suggestions on the processes. Saying blunt "no" without giving the reason. Giving orders like a dictator. Taking undue advantage of their seniority over a process. This person has the worst communication skills.
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Old 05-21-2018, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nonlnear View Post
Avoiding conflict != being a team player.

Need more details on what kind of crap treatment we are talking about here. Sometimes the best way to be a team player is to get the rotten apple cut from the team. And sometimes the best way to be a team player is to find yourself a team that you actually want to play for.

And another way might be to talk the person privately and try to get a different dynamic going.
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Old 05-21-2018, 02:19 PM
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Not respecting your opinions/suggestions on the processes. Saying blunt "no" without giving the reason. Giving orders like a dictator. Taking undue advantage of their seniority over a process. This person has the worst communication skills and everyone knows.
If it's an issue of coworker X's management style, and this person has influence over significant higher-ups, then I wouldn't view the situation as you vs. coworker X, but you vs. the senior management that X has pull with. they know what he's like , and they are fine with it.*

I'm usually pretty quick to shortcut to the "just leave" conclusion, but in your situation it might be worth considering other options - mostly because it sounds like it is known that you are a high value team member. You might have a way to make a happier situation for yourself there.

If this person gives "No" as an answer to everything, stop asking questions (or offering suggestions) where "no" is a possible response. Rather than offering your suggested approach/solution to a problem, take a Socratic path and ask how they would approach the problem [that you have a suggested solution to]. You have tactical options which they seem to have been boxing out - probably out of insecurity. You are not their subordinate, so you don't have to tell them what's on your mind first. Make them defend a position, and see what happens. See if you can't "Yes, and..." them into at least partially agreeing with you. Make it a game, because if you can't have fun with the a**holes at work, what's the point of working at a place with a**holes?

OTOH, you could always just leave.

* Sidenote: Even in cases where senior management are all ignorant idiots, I find it useful to view my situation within a company under the working assumption that things are the way they are because senior management deliberately wants them to be that way. It helps to cut through the crap that you might perceive when you're not sure who knows what. Just assume the senior managers know. because if they don't know, it rarely leads to a different answer to the question of what you should do than if they don't.
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Old 05-22-2018, 09:26 AM
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I'd say get yourself locked and loaded.
Hit them where it hurts the most.

Of course, I'm joking. I'd say have a private talk.
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Old 05-22-2018, 12:59 PM
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I'd say get yourself locked and loaded.
Hit them where it hurts the most.

Of course, I'm joking. I'd say have a private talk.
Seriously, these days you do not know who is going to go berserk at work if you piss them off.
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