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Stony Brook University Alan Tucker, Undergraduate Program Director
Department of Applied Mathematics and Statistics
e-mail: atucker@notes.stonybrook.edu
http://www.sunysb.edu

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  #1  
Old 11-24-2014, 12:33 PM
wh2lee wh2lee is offline
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Default Third draft - internship position resume

Any friendly advice will be much appreciated
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Old 11-24-2014, 01:19 PM
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It's confusing with all these threads.
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Old 11-24-2014, 01:42 PM
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If you put an expected grad date, you can also get rid of the "Candidate for".

Get rid of all italics. It is harder to read.

I'd use standard bullets.

I'd indent all text under the section headings. That is, I wouldn't put the degree and work flush with the left margin. This will make the overall structure stand out more and usually makes the resume look more open. I'd also not have the bullets hang to the left of what's indented (exams, right now).

I'd not spread the exams all the way across the page. I'd keep it all nearer to the left margin so you don't have to scan a lot horizontally to read the section.

I'd put a month on the start and end of all date ranges.

I'd get rid of the soft boot camp bullet.

"Provided public service" is a very week and vague start to a bullet. I really don't have the slightest idea what that means after reading the section. If you're doing work for teachers, I don't see a reason to mention the Board of Education. That's filler.

"Assisted" is another very weak start. What exactly did you do to assist? Again, I guess I don't understand the job at all, as it is hard to see how budgeting after-school activities has anything to do with the military. I think this whole section should be rewritten and should be much clearer and much more focused on what you did/achieved.

"Resonsible for" is another weak start. "maintaining" is ambiguous and it isn't exactly clear what is being scheduled, so again the bullet isn't at all clear.

You use "optimize" loosely here, which is bad when your readers have a strong mathematical background. And optimizing, or even improving, kind of begs for a numerical result. The result is WAY more important than accessing (whatever that means) and updating.

Communicating is always a lame bullet. Obviously you communicated. Everyone but the catatonic communicate. What were the results of this communication? Would that make a good bullet?
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Old 11-24-2014, 02:03 PM
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The vertical spacing of of dates in the jobs seems bad. It looks like the date is above the rest of the text for the job, which makes it harder to read.

"Lead" is always a bad word to start a bullet with, as it seems ambiguous - as you read it, it's not clear whether you are using present tense or you have misspelled the past tense? And, of course, it turns out it is neither, which is even more confusing. I'd start all bullets with a verb. I'm not sure most readers would be familiar with Lineage 1. It doesn't seem like it is necessary for the bullet, so why introduce something that will confuse most readers?

Again, use a verb. Just because you were responsible for something doesn't mean you did it. I'd focus on what resulted from your analyzing, rather than the analysis itself. Bullets are always better if they focus on the bigger picture. The English here is really awkward.

Don't leave out articles - "...an Access...", "... a client....". Focusing on the DB work makes it read as a low-level task. The bigger picture obviously has to do with the rewards program. Can you take credit for development for that? I don't think client rewards program should be capitalized.

The "suggested" bullet is lame. The whole thing is vague enough to be meaningless. I'm guessing that to be more specific will make it sound like you screwed up. "various" is never necessary, nor beneficial. And again, you are looking at the small picture by focusing on suggesting. And this seems to stress that you were not in a position to actually do anything without someone telling you to (otherwise you would have fixed it rather than just suggesting). The bigger picture would be actually resolving problems. I'd get rid of it.

Last one is written pretty task-y, too. You mention very specifically only some screen-shots(apparently?) and not the bigger picture of web content.

I'd leave Certifications out of the title. It just fills space.

I'd leave the stuff in parenthesis out.

Having just declared yourself a Master, it seems really weird that you talk only of knowledge, and not use, of Excel, etc. But it is what it is. I'd leave off PP and Word. I'd refer to it simply as VBA because 1) it's not called Excel VBA 2) VBA can be used with apps other than Excel.

I'd leave the dates off the activities. They do not help you.
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