Yet Another MIL Thread

[Fun King ded]

Originally Posted by Lucy

Is the issue that she is retroactively right, or that she spends so much time trying not to be worng, like spending way too much time trying to force-feed the kid? If the latter, think about how you might change her mind for her?? But you said. . . ??

Anyhow, congrats!

My only concern would be the over-application of her rightness trumping the actual needs of the child. That is not good care.

My normal track when dealing with my MIL. First, ignore. Second, whine to wife. Third, suggest to wife course of action to fix. Fourth, confront MIL.

If confronting point out contradictions in her actions versus her words. Bludgeon her with reality as you see it. Do not retreat until you are victorious. She will either change her behaviour or not speak to you after confronting her. Either way, you win.

[Maine-iac]

Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary

I don't see the problem. If someone did that to me I'd just say...but three minutes ago you said she was hungry and would eat. Don't have to be mean about it. In fact, maybe say it with a little laugh like 'that's a good one, MIL, but three minutes ago..."

Actually, the laughing bit could be quite the strategy, if you decide strategy games are worth it.

1. Mom changes position to put herself in the right.
2. You stare blankly at her, then burst out laughing.
3. When Mom sputters or looks at you like you are nuts, you say "You are so good at doing that with a straight face! You really had me going there. You almost had me believing that I said that instead of you. Good one, Mom!"
4. Walk away laughing, and shaking your head.

Do this EVERY time she does it. It will drive her nuts, at least, and might shut her up.

[_BullDog_]

Originally Posted by E. Blackadder

First of all, congratulations! Second, when your wife and her mom are discussing she said / she said issues, instead of posting, in the future, just join up with your dear wife and support her. And then post about it. We want all the juicy gossip. In due course.

If your MIL, insists on being retroactively right, explain how your child is beginning to associate her with annoyance. Does she really, really want that? And then explain that you and your wife actually remember what your MIL says and when. And then explain that the cover-up is worse than the crime. Then some ice cream for all might be appropriate.

I think they should withhold ice cream until the MIL starts behaving.

Maybe even eat it infront of her.

Originally Posted by Westley

if it's just about feeling superior

It's not about feeling superior. It's about preventing arguments. E.g., if she's trying to shove a bottle in the baby's mouth and the baby cries and I say "The baby isn't hungry" she'll insist that she knows the baby is hungry. So every disagreement is a federal case because ... she's never wrong.

Originally Posted by Uma Karuna

Agreed. She probably believed that Y is what she was saying all along.

I think the question is - is her help worth having to just let her be right all the time, even when she's not?

I don't care how right she thinks she is; what's becoming a problem is when I (or my wife) want to take an action different than the one she advocates because ... she's never wrong.

Originally Posted by Egghead

They get more and more worried that you'll come to value the other grandparents more,

Unlikely the case here. My dad is dead, and my mom lives in another state.

Originally Posted by Maine-iac

1. Mom changes position to put herself in the right.
2. You stare blankly at her, then burst out laughing.
3. When Mom sputters or looks at you like you are nuts, you say "You are so good at doing that with a straight face! You really had me going there. You almost had me believing that I said that instead of you. Good one, Mom!"
4. Walk away laughing, and shaking your head.

Another good one.

[tommie frazier]

my MIL changes her story to always be right. and she equates disagreement (over darn near everything) with betrayal. I ignore her, and try to stay out of whatever room she's in.

[Dr T Non-Fan]

Originally Posted by Will Durant

The need to post this here >> Her help when she's here >> aggravation she causes with this personality trait.

There. That's better.

First off, if she is bothering your child (shoving bottle into face), then protect your child.
Secondly, she seems to be about control, too. She's there to help, not to take charge.

[gadzookz]

Originally Posted by Will Durant

It's not about feeling superior. It's about preventing arguments. E.g., if she's trying to shove a bottle in the baby's mouth and the baby cries and I say "The baby isn't hungry" she'll insist that she knows the baby is hungry. So every disagreement is a federal case because ... she's never wrong.

Prehaps a little reverse psychology? E.g., if she's trying to shove a bottle in the baby's mouth and the baby cries and I say "The baby should be hungry and needs to eat right now" would she take the opposite position?