Toddler Tantrums

[Gentle Giant]

First the lead-in, then the question.

Yesterday (Sunday) morning, our 2-1/2 year old woke up at 5am and wouldn't go back to sleep. He normally doesn't wake up until about 7am or so. Typically he is in his room from about 1:30-4:00 for naptime whether he sleeps or not. He did not sleep during his naptime yesterday, though he was apparently on the verge of doing so when we got him up at 4:00. (We would have let him but we were meeting someone @ 4:30.)

We ran a couple of errands and were heading home at around 6:30 and he almost fell asleep (again!) as we were seconds from our house. He was clearly a very tired boy and needed to have an early bedtime.

The rest of the evening was extremely bad.

The open-ended question is this: For those of you with kids, what is the worst tantrum you have experienced during the toddler age? For those of you with more than one child, how different has each child's temperament been during this age w.r.t. throwing tantrums?

I'll go into detail about last night's experience in a later post after I get some of your feedback.

[Pseudolus]

We've been pretty lucky so far. On the few occasions our 2 3/4 yo has flipped out, it hasn't been in public, and it hasn't lasted very long. Only once has she actually thrown herself down on the floor, the other times are just screaming. I've just sent her to her room - very rarely, had to plunk her down in her crib - and she's managed to calm herself down relatively quickly. Sleep deprivation does seem to correlate well with these incidents.

(Our naptime is about the same - 2 to 3:30 or 4. Skipped very rarely, like when we have special visitors to play with her or the like. And she really does sleep at that time every day.)

[Alto Reed on a Tenor Sax]

One time I put my son to bed, shortly after he got his first "big boy bed," that he could crawl out of at will. He didn't want to stay down, I was determined that he would.

I held him down by his legs, he pushed up with his arms. I would push his hands out from under him, and hold him down by the shoulders, he would kick his legs. He thought that his mother would come to his rescue, I guess, so he started saying "Mama.....Mama.....MAMA!!...." He yelled out "mama" over 175 times, and that's just after I started counting.

He eventually lay down and went to sleep, and nowadays he knows that no matter how ornery he gets, he will never, ever be as stubborn as daddy. But it was a hard-fought battle, and that wasn't the only night like that we had.

[The Smokin' Cracktuary]

Originally Posted by Gentle Giant

First the lead-in, then the question.

Yesterday (Sunday) morning, our 2-1/2 year old woke up at 5am and wouldn't go back to sleep. He normally doesn't wake up until about 7am or so. Typically he is in his room from about 1:30-4:00 for naptime whether he sleeps or not. He did not sleep during his naptime yesterday, though he was apparently on the verge of doing so when we got him up at 4:00. (We would have let him but we were meeting someone @ 4:30.)

We ran a couple of errands and were heading home at around 6:30 and he almost fell asleep (again!) as we were seconds from our house. He was clearly a very tired boy and needed to have an early bedtime.

The rest of the evening was extremely bad.

The open-ended question is this: For those of you with kids, what is the worst tantrum you have experienced during the toddler age? For those of you with more than one child, how different has each child's temperament been during this age w.r.t. throwing tantrums?

I'll go into detail about last night's experience in a later post after I get some of your feedback.

Tantrums have pretty much beome common place in our house right now. Especially when she's sleepy. One big thing, and probably the absolute hardest to deal with, is how she screams her head off when she can sleep. Sometimes she will be so tired she can't sleep. We all know the feeling. When you are so exhausted that you feel like crap, but that feeling of crapiness keeps you awake.

She gets like that and just has no idea how to deal. She knows she's exhausted, but she she doesn't know why she can't sleep. This upsets her like you wouldn't believe. She just screams at the top of her lungs. Usually she does this till she passes out.

Sometimes this happens at bed time, sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night. That is the hardest to deal with. Often there is nothing we can do for her. We often just have to leave her go and scream herself to sleep.

It has been happening a couple times a week for a couple months.

Outside of that. She pretty much just throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Those are much easier to deal with. I have no problem with time outs. A 5 or 10 minute time out seems like an eternity to a 2 year-old. She comes out a docile as a cow.

[The Smokin' Cracktuary]

Originally Posted by Alto Reed on a Tenor Sax

One time I put my son to bed, shortly after he got his first "big boy bed," that he could crawl out of at will. He didn't want to stay down, I was determined that he would.

I held him down by his legs, he pushed up with his arms. I would push his hands out from under him, and hold him down by the shoulders, he would kick his legs. He thought that his mother would come to his rescue, I guess, so he started saying "Mama.....Mama.....MAMA!!...." He yelled out "mama" over 175 times, and that's just after I started counting.

He eventually lay down and went to sleep, and nowadays he knows that no matter how ornery he gets, he will never, ever be as stubborn as daddy. But it was a hard-fought battle, and that wasn't the only night like that we had.

I dread the day we get a "big girl" bed for this reason. It's a battle every night as is. Without a crib, a battle like you just described would undoubtedly ensue.

It's coming. It's only a matter of when.

[Pseudolus]

We are also putting off the non-crib-bed for similar reasons - we like to be able to keep her contained. She's not a climber, so the issue that makes us switch will probably be potty-related - giving her the ability to get up out of bed herself, use the bathroom, and then go back to bed. Right now we're still doing diapers for naptime and bedtime.

[Ron Weasley]

We had two extremes with our two sons. You'll get plenty of interesting stories here, but don't expect whatever works for your first child to necesarily be the solution for your second child.

RW

[Paul Brand]

My 2 yr old son was throwing tantrums yesterday and last night. It doesn't happen often, but yesterday and last night was probably the worst. I don't think he is feeling well, but his temperature seems okay. I'm not sure what the cause behind his irritability is. Sometimes it's over-tiredness, but it continues on after he has had a good nap or sleep.

[QMO]

Originally Posted by Gentle Giant

For those of you with kids, what is the worst tantrum you have experienced during the toddler age?

Worst? I don't know. But we've seen tantrums last for hours, more than once, sometimes more than once in a day.

Originally Posted by Gentle Giant

For those of you with more than one child, how different has each child's temperament been during this age w.r.t. throwing tantrums?

Each child (so far) has had multiple periods of time when they've been tantrum-prone. They aren't at the same ages for the different kids.

These periods of time seem, to me, to be related to the child worldview changing so they can see more possibilities in their power (or close) and more restrictions on that power, but they aren't mature enough to handle the increased power and limitations, yet.

Examples:
One child knew that there must be some way to crawl, but she couldn't figure it out. She'd get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth screaming in frustration that she couldn't figure out what to do next. This went on for a couple of weeks before she figured out crawling. (And she walked a month later, with no tantrums.)

Two/three-year old can get out of bed (or climb bookshelves, or open the front door and go play in the street) but is restricted by new rules that appear just in time to frustrate these new abilities. Also, the toddler is given responsibilities for the first time (pick up toys, help set/clear table) and doesn't know how to handle that yet. Also, kids are very smart, so if tantrums ever work, they'll use them.

(Future possibility, or my own past?) Teenager realizes that they basically have the physical powers of adults, but not the legal authority. He also isn't mature enough to see the consequences/requirements of what he wants. So he slams doors, tells his parents they don't understand (though intellectually, he's smart and experienced enough to know they were once teenagers and probably do understand), stays out late, does funky stuff with hair/clothes/piercings etc.

(Actual story from my wife) My wife's standing in line at the library, and it's kind of busy (maybe 5 minute wait). This man (in his 40s or 50s) comes over, sees the line, and goes straight to the desk. The librarian (politely, gently) tells the man that she's busy helping someone else (the next-in-line) person, and asks him to wait in line. The guy EXPLODES! (Well, not literally.) He starts yelling and cursing and accusing people of stuff. The staff can't calm him down. After several minutes (not just a few seconds) he leaves, angry. When my wife told me the story, I kept wondering why they didn't call the police.

[QMO]

Originally Posted by Alto Reed on a Tenor Sax

One time I put my son to bed, shortly after he got his first "big boy bed," that he could crawl out of at will. He didn't want to stay down, I was determined that he would.

I held him down by his legs, he pushed up with his arms. I would push his hands out from under him, and hold him down by the shoulders, he would kick his legs. He thought that his mother would come to his rescue, I guess, so he started saying "Mama.....Mama.....MAMA!!...." He yelled out "mama" over 175 times, and that's just after I started counting.

He eventually lay down and went to sleep, and nowadays he knows that no matter how ornery he gets, he will never, ever be as stubborn as daddy. But it was a hard-fought battle, and that wasn't the only night like that we had.

With each of my kids, if they get out of bed (or stay up playing with each other) after I put them in bed I "let them stay up, since they're not tired." they "stay up" with their nose in the corner, until I think they're tired enough. They don't like it. And they generally think they're tired before I do, especially if it's the second night in a row, or the second time in one night.