Ask Edmund!

[E. Blackadder]

If you have noticed, Dear Abby is underperforming a bit. In the spirit of raising the quality of published advice, I'm entering the fray. So send me your most perplexing questions. Now would be fine.

[glassjaws]

Dear Edmund,

First time caller, long time listener. I have this problem with some friends right now. They're talking about pooling money for a birthday gift for a friend, and I just don't give a shit. I want to remain friends with these people, but don't want to pitch in for a birthday gift for someone I never see, hear from or interact with. Do advise.

Thanks,

glassjaws.

[glassjaws]

For elaboration: There's been e-mails going around that I just keep ignoring. I figure that being taciturn might be an indicator of my lack of interest, but I'm not seeing any improvement. How do I tell them to take a hike without them turning into crybabies. (which they would, they voted Obama)

[E. Blackadder]

This is quite perplexing. In the first case, swap out the card accompanying the gift with yours, and the recipient will realize that you provided the gift by yourself. In the second case confide that the Annointed One calls you for advice and doesn't do so well with voicemail.

[Abused Student]

Dear Edmund,

It is my first time stumbling upon your show. I was just flipping around and landed here. You sound like you know what is going on so I thought I would ask you something that has been bother me for quite some time.

My girlfriend is a little controlling. She takes all my money and never lets me spend any of it on myself. The other day, she came home with a couple hundred dollars worth of new crotchless panties and teddies and even some whips and restraining devices. This isn't the first time she has done this either. She never wears any of this stuff for me. I am not sure what she is doing with a closet full of this stuff. So my question is, should I order pizza tonight or should I go with Chinese? I usually get two meals out of the chinese and three meals out of the pizza but the pizza gives me heartburn.

Thanks.

[E. Blackadder]

Either way, it's not totally clear how you are going to pay for it. Going back to the first, unrelated part of your letter, perhaps the items in question are for you to wear and use. Perhaps she's too shy to let you know how much she.. er, feels for you.

[Entropy]

Dear Edmund,

What is that smell?

Thanks,
Confused near Earth

[JMO]

Dear Edmund:
I think my husband has a gambling problem. He sends all our money to this bookie. I think the guy's name is Chuck. Or something like that. Chuck Swabbie, that's it. We never have enough money to go out to dinner or anything. We argue about his addiction all the time. He says we are going to make it big someday on our retirement account. How can I get him to quit?

[glassjaws]

Thanks Edmund!

[Inconceivable]

Dead Edmund,

My girlfriend works as an Applebee’s bartender. She's attractive, interesting and we have a great time when we hang out. The fact that I'm an actuary has never been a problem because she makes pretty good money in tips, especially lately. However, the last few days she's been acting a little distant. I can't be sure but I think she whispered the name "Matt" last time we were intimate. I really like this girl so I'm afraid to confront her about any of this. I tried talking to some of her applebuddies but they all tell me there's nothing to worry about. What should I do?

Signed,
Eatin' Good in the Neighborhood