A New Title
After much deliberation and significant closed door negotiation I am pleased to accept my new title of Patriarch of the West. The Free Mason consortium and the Cabal of High Priests of the David nominated and seconded my name respectively at the U.N. religious counsel. At first I demurred arguing my already full schedule. My vast holdings throughout Central and South America as well as my success as Lifetime Canadian Grand Premier convinced the board of Angelican Regents to negotiate a settlement where I give up my controlling interest in Cuba to take on the Pater-We position. The deciding factor was my willingness to extend my 7 year self imposed celibacy for an additional 7 years. I will continue to be the same Well I Never you have known and loved for so long now but, you will need to address me by my title Pater-We when discussing Issues Of Importance (IOIs).
A celebratory tea will be held in the cafeteria on the Twenty Eighth of March, St. Hesychius of Jerusalem Day. I expect all of you to attend.